You Can Be Enough, You Just Don’t Know It Yet
A few words on self-sufficiency
Do you also feel people sometimes don’t get you?
Like as much as you try to explain yourself, there’s only so much that they can understand. It’s often not everyone, nor is it all the time, but it does happen more often than we care to admit.
And I am not referring to things that are taught in classrooms and textbooks(those are not as difficult to understand), I am talking about soul stories, the things we learn as we travel along our adventure within — I am talking about feelings, emotions and the unwritten poems that live with us throughout our everyday lives.
It takes a lot to share these parts of us — it isn’t like reciting the definition of the word easy, it takes time. We have to connect to a deeper part of ourselves so that we can understand how we feel and express ourselves sincerely, without lying to ourselves.
But even then, even reaching such depths won’t guarantee that we will be understood because people understand only as much as they can or are willing to understand. And sometimes being the only one who understands can feel lonely, so lonely that we may ask others(directly or indirectly) to understand us, but I’ve often wondered how reliable that is.
Because we do not exist solely to be understood by others
That need to be understood is something lurking in us all, and it often becomes this unsettled part of us. The most obvious thing for us to do to settle this part of us is to reach out to others. And we don’t always do it on purpose, we often do it subconsciously — like when telling someone about our bad day at work, hoping that it would help us find some relief.
The problem with always relying on the outside world, at least the way I see it, is that the outside world is filled with things that are outside our control, and we may not always find our relief there. And if we continue to recognize ourselves based on how the outside world reacts and responds to us, then we will only ever be what others decide us to be.
But we can be so much more. We can be the one who validates us, who acknowledges us, and who accepts us. We can settle the unsettled parts of our lives. We don’t have to wait for someone to come along and save us from ourselves, we can be our hero. And that understanding that we so desperately seek, we can do that for ourselves.
We can become everything we ever need, if we choose to
In every situation, in every moment we avoid, in the awkward ones too, we can do something to overcome ourselves instead of succumbing to ourselves. We can be strong, we can be brave, we can tame our thoughts and we can lead forward. More than anything else, we can become our own best friend.
The same way we would build a relationship with someone else by going through all of these experiences with them is the same way we can build our relationship with ourselves. We just have to put in the work to grow and nurture ourselves, only then will this relationship become something valuable.
If we neglect ourselves, if we run away from our issues by watching movies, finding validation from friends and gatherings, if we do all of these things to ignore our troubles, that’s going to hold us back from working on our issues and growing our relationship with ourselves.
But if we put in the time and effort, if we (and these are my personal recommendations) meditate, reflect, figure out ourselves, and build better habits then our lives will be sure to improve because we would be resolving our issues and proving to ourselves that we’re serious and willing to put in the work to grow ourselves.
And over time, this relationship with ourselves will help us become self-sufficient
We will learn how to take care of ourselves. We will no longer ask the outside world, directly or indirectly to make us feel better about ourselves. We will reject the need to impress other people or even to compete with them. We will take care of our social awkwardness, our self-esteem and self-worth issues by leading us back to ourselves instead of attacking ourselves.
This in no way means that we will break off relationships with others. In fact, we may build deeper relationships with others because we will know the kind of people we want in our lives. But if people do project themselves onto us, if they worry, complain, or try to intimidate us, instead of taking them personally and attacking ourselves, we will be able to remain true to ourselves.
And you would always be enough to face life, so long as you maintain this relationship with yourself
A good diet leads to a healthy gut and overall good health. Good spending habits lead to healthy finances. Good habits lead to an overall healthy lifestyle. The overall quality of your life depends heavily on what you put into it. If you do the opposite, you will feel the results of it. The same holds true with your self-sufficiency.
If you invest in habits that will maintain your self-worth, your self-esteem and self-respect, your relationship with yourself will grow and remain healthy. But if you don’t, you will very often feel like you’re not enough.
So, invest in yourself. Do things that will make you feel better about being who you are, do things that will help cultivate your relationship with yourself and you will soon see that regardless of the situation you face, you will always have someone with you there to help you face life, you will always have yourself and this is enough.
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Invest in your existence,