Your Willingness to Compromise With a Situation Can Be a Sign of Weakness or Strength

It depends on what’s at stake

Photo by Liza Summer

You are a weakling, you give in

When I have an argument, I often give in. If I am having a disagreement with my child and I relent, my mother feels I am a weakling. I should be standing up, remaining firm, and not accepting any nonsense. Those comments slide off like water off a duck’s back.

I compromise, and adjust, or give in when I feel disagreement, acrimony, or conflict is not worth it. Believe it or not, the dispute plays on our minds long after the actual event and can harm our mental well-being.

I think of it in terms of time wasted, straining myself, and the end result. Am I gaining anything valuable? Is it worth it? It took a lot of effort but over the years I have conditioned myself to not give a damn about everything.

Compromising or adjusting for me is not a weakness but a character trait that can be a strength when rightly employed.

What happens if I do not compromise

It is fine if you choose not to compromise. But if I were you, I would look at the possible cost or collateral damage.

Who or what is at stake?

You compromise because you care for something more than proving that you are right. For example a friendship or relationship. If you do not give in there is a possibility that a relationship might crack. Are you ready to pay that price?

You should not compromise when it is about your health and wellness.

I remain rigid about my food intake, eating habits, fitness regime, and prayers. There is no compromise on these aspects because they affect my physical and mental health and therefore, the quality of my life.

You should always focus on the cost and impact.

A human quality

Not everyone has it in them to take the first step to reconcile or diffuse a situation.

The ability to initiate a middle path or step forward to compromise is a skill, a talent that can be honed. It is a human quality where you let go of your ego and self-importance to work towards an amicable outcome. It may not be the right thing to do but necessary in the larger scheme called life.

Compromise is like the middle of the road; always safer to walk on than the edges. ~ Dwight Eisenhower

Compromising need not be a two-way street. If you are open to compromising does not mean the other person should be equally receptive or motivated to compromise. He might not believe or want to compromise.

Photo by Pixabay

You might feel that the last time I was the bigger person now it is the other’s turn. No. It does not work that way. This is not about equality or evenness.

An attitude of compromise is a human trait. Not everyone has it in equal measure.

That is ok.

You can change the quality of your life by changing your attitude toward the need to compromise.

What do you gain from a compromise?

There is an immense lot to gain from the act of adjusting to a situation, and compromising with others’ demands or wishes.

Top of my list — peace of mind, preservation of my sanity and energy, and reducing wastage.

When I compromise, I cast off the waste of time and create space for something magical, valuable, and worthy. I enable myself to live in harmony and develop synergy to grow instead of seething with rage.

Giving in can help rebuild a semi-burnt or damaged bridge, and build momentum to achieve a larger goal through consensus.

“Life is a series of adjustments; You can make changes along the way, but if you don’t start moving forward you’ll never get anywhere!” ~ Kimora Lee Simmons

I think we all grow as a person, learning the art to choose our battles; to retain or let go.

How to initiate a compromise?

Your stand on an issue might be valid but you may feel that the standoff is not worth it. It does not mean your stand is not valid, it is just that you are ok with letting go.

Minds are conquered not by arms, but by love and magnanimity. ~ Baruch Spinoza

• When you want to compromise, begin by apologizing for the situation.
• Accept if you are at fault.
• Present your offer in a win-win manner, highlighting the other person’s win first.
• Voice your terms in a persuasive way. It should sound like a suggestion and not a demand.

Always remember that the person who initiates the compromise has an upper hand. It is not easy. So you already have the leverage.

Sometimes it helps to bring in a mediator who can help bridge the gap. This is especially seen in the case of a major relationship breakdown.

Is there a shorter, quicker way?

Giving in can be abrupt too. I do it for all the small and petty things by saying you are right. Get moving. The other person might take it as a win but I know I am the winner.

My time is important, scarce, and expensive. I better spend it doing something worthwhile instead of trying to prove myself right.

I maintain an 80:20 ratio when it comes to giving in/ compromising or standing my ground.

What about the loss of face?

One of the reasons why people do not back off is they feel it is a loss of face.

This is a thought that stops us from compromising. You are admitting you are stupid/ you are wrong/ and you are giving in.

Really? Are you so dense?

You are compromising because

A. you ARE wrong,

B. you don’t find the efforts worthy of your time,

C. you see the bigger picture, a larger win by giving up some ground

‘Loss of face’ are thoughts of lightweights. People who have no substance hold on to notions such as this.

If you are compromising, you are everything but a weakling. You are smart, strategic, and astute.

Point of view

One thing is clear — if it is a matter of life and death, you compromise. Period.

If you are alive then there are possibilities. The chance to change the narrative. Not when you are cold and dead on the ground.

Barring that, the only time you do not compromise is when it is a question of your ethics, principle, or priority in life.

Though the ability to compromise is a welcome trait, do not make a habit of compromising. Do not put yourself in a position where you have no space to wiggle. Do not take an extreme position in everything. Your extreme views or stance are not worth it.

I do not maintain an unrelenting position for my ego. Never. Even if I am called a weakling, a loser.

In the war of ego, the loser always wins.

~ The Bhagvad Gita