How To Get My Child to Say Thank You
Teaching manners and gratitude
By Dr. Terrie Rose
As we exit the season of gift-giving, do you find yourself wondering if your children need manner lessons? Was your mother-in-law continually reminding your children to use the niceties? Why is saying “please” and “thank-you” so hard to remember?
Based on science, the authors of the book, Making Habits, Breaking Habits, suggest that “deliberate practice” and persistence create patterns.
In the language of parenting, — constant reminders are teaching, not nagging. Gentle reminders, consistent practice, and supportive suggestions help your children learn how and when to respond. And, because our children are continuously developing and changing, we show the toddler, reteach the seven-year-old, and reteach the teenager.
New parents start right away. Use social niceties with your baby! While it might seem funny to say please and thank-you to a baby, your baby will learn the language of appreciation right along with the names of farm animals. Kind and gentle words also increase your child’s sense of connection and love.
Toddlers do well when they hear appreciation for things they are already willing to do. We want these words to teach, not beg. So rather than saying, “PLEASE pick up your toys!” try, “You picked up the bear. Thank you.”
By age three, look for ways to model appreciation in everyday happenings and then prompt your child to say thank you. Use gentle reminders when in public. It is better to help your child remember manners than not to do them at all.
As children get older, look for ways to create gratitude rituals. Perhaps, start each meal by thanking the cook. Make homemade cards or draw pictures for someone who does something kind for the family.
Experiencing gratitude promotes social connections and reinforces kindness and empathy.
Saying thank you helps your child develop the language for emotional connection. When someone is exceptionally kind, ask your child, “How does your heart feel?” Or as your child jumps up and down with joy, ask, “What are your feet feeling?” These types of questions help children build awareness of the emotional expression of gratitude and joy.
Thank you is not just child’s play.
Studies show that adults who regularly express gratitude are better at understanding the perspective of others and experience higher levels of optimism and reduced stress. You can enhance your marital relationships by using words of appreciation.
Dr. Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology, offers a simple practice shown to enhance health and decrease depression. Each night for a week, write down in a journal three things that went well or for which you are grateful. Next to each item, write why it went well.
Create a family practice of reflection and gratitude by adding this simple practice to your child’s bedtime routine. to build your child’s sense of connection and wellbeing.
By bringing to awareness and rehearsing the positive, your help your child build a sense of connection and wellbeing.
Thank you for reading and for being curious about your child’s development. I appreciate clapping and when you sharing your thoughts with me and this article with friends.
