Rejection is a Form of Universal Grace
How this one mantra transformed the way I see the world and became the best piece of advice I’ve ever received.
Over dinner several months ago with one of my oldest, dearest friends, I was complaining about the emotional toll that applying for jobs and systematically being rejected from them was taking on me.
I had been applying for months with no real leads. I told her about how I had submitted an application for a job at Twitter, and then got a referral link from a current employee in my network to re-apply for the same job. Before I could even use said link, I received an automated rejection email from Twitter.
“Do you even want to work at Twitter though?” she asked me.
“Probably not,” I responded.
“Exactly,” she said. “You would’ve been super unhappy there. Rejection is a form of universal grace. It’s the universe’s way of protecting you from making a bad decision.”
Ah, rejection…the topic brings me right back to my days as a Theatre & Drama major where I quickly became very familiar with regular rebuffs. When we were kids, my mother (also a theatre major) enrolled me and my sister in theatre camps, took us to see shows, and encouraged us to audition.
As a result, rejection was woven into the fabric of my life from an early age. As was persistence — rejection’s equal and opposite force.
I dealt with and understood rejection from elementary school onwards. In college, even though I had an “acting specialist” emphasis within my major, I was never cast for a leading lady role. Instead, I became involved in student-directed projects and performed in The Vagina Monologues for a couple of years before directing it.
I got involved in political theater, eventually getting recruited to play Rachel Corrie in the one-woman-show My Name is Rachel Corrie. I sought out interesting, edgy theater or made my own opportunities.
And then I graduated into the economic recession.
The number of opportunities dwindled, and I was burdened with student loans. I didn’t like how dependent I was on a casting director’s whims, rather than my talent when it came to securing a role.
There was too much outside of my control.
I decided to leverage my English major and become a writer instead. First, I wrote about the theatre instead of acting in it. Then I managed social media and blogging for arts institutions. And finally, I left the theatre behind entirely.
But I didn’t leave rejection behind…
I experienced less rejection than before. It was easier to manage it, to defend against the possibility of it. But to avoid it altogether? Not a chance.
The Perks of Rejection
Everything changed when I started my own business. I was aware of the statistic that 90% of startups fail, and I was bound and determined to avoid that fate. With every setback, every business that told us “no”, I felt my resolve strengthen.
I turned the rejections into a source of motivation. I was in pursuit of a singular goal, and I had to turn over a lot of rocks to get there. The more I turned over and got a “no” from, the closer I must be to getting a “yes.”
But now, years later, I had forgotten that mental attitude. That toughness, the resolve to transform rejection into my own personal power, to understand that the universe was propelling me in a different direction.
Until my friend gifted me her mantra: rejection is a form of universal grace.
And I remembered all the perks of rejection:
- A source of motivation: nothing quite like being rebuffed to strengthen your resolve!
- Guide rails for your life: keeps you from going too far off course and getting lost down a rabbit hole.
- A time-saver: a few rejections in quick succession are a great indicator that you need to change tactics.
- By closing doors, rejection simultaneously opens new ones.
With this new mantra, I was suddenly determined to leverage rejection to propel myself forward.
I’ll explain how I did this in a minute, and it’s easier than you think.
But first, beware of giving the Universe all the credit in controlling your destiny. While the Universe might smack your hand when you keep reaching out for something that’s not meant for you, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
For example, if you want to be a professional writer, and you keep submitting to publications and getting rejection after rejection, the Universe might not be saying “don’t be a writer.” It might be saying “it won’t work this way.”
If you believe in what you’re doing and where you are going, you still need to pursue every viable lead, to try every doorknob, to keep standing back up when you get pushed down. Getting a “no” from the Universe just means you need to pause, recalibrate, and try again.
What does this mean for you? If you can transform rejection from a negative to a positive, you have the ability to change your worldview in the process. To leverage your next rejection, all it takes is a willingness to hear what the Universe is saying, and the dedication to do something about it.
Uncover the Reason for the Rejection
Initially, I began slowly and tactfully applying for jobs I thought would be a good fit for where I wanted my career to go. By being really specific about my job criteria, I significantly slimmed down my options. But if I had a bad day at my then-job, I would apply in a wave of aggravation to every job I was remotely qualified for.
And a couple of weeks later, there would be a wave of rejections.
A lot of them were mutual. I would have discovery calls with companies and we would realize simultaneously that we just weren’t that into each other.
Sometimes it’s harder to understand why. If it’s not obvious to you, I would recommend asking the recruiter or HR person the reason they went with another candidate. What skills were they looking for that you didn’t have? Anything you can change for the next time?
If it’s something that’s within your power to change, great. If it’s not, then it’s much easier to move on with the knowledge that it wasn’t anything you did.
Respect the Lesson
The string of rejections I endured was a direct result of applying for the wrong jobs. Jobs I knew in my heart I wasn’t a good fit for, and vice versa. It forced me to acknowledge that I needed to be more precise.
It’s not you, it’s me…
In another instance, I was passed over in the final round of interviews after putting several hours into the process, including providing an industry-specific writing sample. It was hard to stomach the loss when I had invested so much time into trying to get the job, and when I really felt like it was a great fit.
When I finally got a response to my email asking why they’d chosen the other candidate, it came down to industry experience. Ironically, the candidate they chose ended up not working out and the job was listed again a month later. It was somewhat tempting to throw my hat back in the ring, but I realized that if they prized experience above passion, talent or culture fit, it wasn’t the right place for me after all.
Find a Different Tactic
My ultimate goal was to become a copywriter or content marketing manager for a company innovating to fight climate change. The jobs I was applying for were all in the energy sector of the environmental movement, and I was continually coming up against my lack of industry experience.
It also began to occur to me that by working at a company that only tackled climate change from an energy standpoint, I would be pigeon-holing myself into one extremely complicated aspect of the movement.
When I zoomed out I realized that I was pursuing a path that did a disserve to all my other passions and skills, one that lacked variety, and in all likelihood would feel suffocating in a matter of months.
That led me to launch a freelance marketing and writing business.
By acknowledging what wasn’t working, I was able to redirect my focus elsewhere. The end goal didn’t change, but the means to getting there did. And new doors opened.
So what’s the bottom line?
My friend’s advice reminded me that everything is a matter of perspective.
Change your perspective, change your life. Right?
Turns out there’s a lot of truth to that old saying. When you swap out the lens through which you’re viewing any given rejection, the reason it didn’t work out becomes clear. And when that happens, your brain begins to populate alternatives. Better options. New, interesting paths you might take.
When you stop wallowing in self-pity and see rejection as a gift, a sign from the Universe, it can propel you forward rather than sucking you under.
So the next time something doesn’t work out the way you hoped, take pause, zoom out, and get some perspective.
