The Platinum Rule
When we seek equality, we look to treat everyone the same. But we are not all the same, so what do we do?
The Unitarian Universalist church does not preach a specific creed or dogma. Instead, we affirm and promote seven principles which act as our moral guide. We leave the belief (or lack thereof) of a divine spirit or entity up to our individual congregants.
At Channing Church, we often focus on our First Principle: the inherent worth and dignity of every person, but today I want to take a look at the Second one. Quoting from the UUA website:
Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations points us toward something beyond inherent worth and dignity. It points us to the larger community. It gets at collective responsibility. It reminds us that treating people as human beings is not simply something we do one-on-one, but something that has systemic implications and can inform our entire cultural way of being.
Equity. That’s they key word.
Just as our Second Principle expands upon the First, equity expands upon equality. But what exactly IS equity? How exactly is it different from equality?
Below is a cartoon that shows the difference. In it you see three people: one is tall, one is of medium height, and one is short. They are all trying to watch a ball game, but there is a fence in the way. If we approach this problem using equality, we give them each a box to stand on. The box doesn’t help the tall person, as he can see over the fence without it. And a single box isn’t enough for the shortest person.
If we apply an equitable solution instead, all three can watch the game because they are given what they need based on their individual situation. That is the essence of The Platinum Rule.
Just as equity goes a step beyond equality, The Platinum Rule goes a step beyond The Golden Rule.
As you know, The Golden Rule says we should “treat others the way we want to be treated.”
It sounds good, and it’s a great starting place. But, everyone is different. How I want to be treated may be different from how you want to be treated. When we use The Golden Rule, we might accidentally do or say something that may make someone else angry or hurt. We’re not doing it on purpose, but if we don’t understand why they feel angry or hurt, we risk doing it again.
This is where the Platinum Rule comes into play: Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.
When we consider the other person’s wishes and treat them accordingly, we won’t hurt their feelings by accident. We can make them feel special by showing them that we know them well enough and care about them enough to make the extra effort.
This can be done when we call someone by the name they want to be called. For example, my husband’s name is Richard, but he doesn’t like to be called Richard. He doesn’t like to be called Rich, Dick, or Ricky either. He likes to be called Rick. So we all call him Rick.
That example seems pretty simple, but you would be surprised at how often someone calls him Rich or Dick. It is also surprising how often people call me Julia, even after I correct them. When this happens, it makes me feel disrespected and small. Like I don’t matter enough for that person to learn my name. But to them, they have no idea they did anything wrong. This is why it is important to pay attention to the needs and wants of others, so we don’t hurt them.
We can use the Platinum Rule by picking out a gift for someone based on their interests instead of what we like. Or using a person’s preferred pronoun. Or accommodating a food allergy or special diet when having guests over for a party.
But, the key to using The Platinum Rule is you have to take the time to get to know the other person a little better. I can’t treat someone the way they want to be treated, if I don’t know how they want to be treated. This is why it is important to make the effort to get to know the people we encounter. If you don’t know what someone’s preference is, ask them. Be compassionate and non-judgmental. Let them know that you want to accommodate their needs. Take an interest in them as a person. Listen.
We can apply The Platinum Rule, not just to individuals, but to groups of people. In fact, we already do this in our culture.
Today, we use terms like “the LGBTQ community,” “people with disabilities,” and “people of color,” as a few examples. We use these terms because those communities asked the rest of society to stop using words and phrases that they found offensive and disrespectful. When an under-represented group asks everyone else to refer to them in a specific way, it is important that everyone listen to that request and adapt. Some people call this “political correctness” but really it is The Platinum Rule in action.
And why does this matter? It goes beyond just being kind when we use The Platinum Rule to show friends, family, neighbors and even strangers that we care about them. There are larger implications for our society as a whole.
When we start recognizing how others are unique and treating them based on their individual needs, it becomes easier to see the needs of people on a larger scale. We can start to see how people of varying cultures, races, genders and gender-identities, sexual orientation, ages, ability, and socioeconomic status have distinct needs in order to achieve the same levels of success in society. And once we have a better understanding of what those challenges are, we can work together towards equitable change. We can become allies to groups of people who are different from us. We can fight for more equitable laws and justice for all people. We can make this world a better place for everyone.
Because, even though we are all different, we are part of the same human family. We are all in this together.
