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Disrespect In a Relationship Is Co-created
When one partner’s boundaries are violated, both partners share responsibility
A fellow writer on Substack described a specific situation that was repeated in her relationship many years ago. Her partner at the time was pushing her to have sex in a way that — to him — didn’t seem violating. He often found her asleep and started touching her, ignoring her verbal denial.
His response to the repeated “I am not in the mood for that now” was “You don’t have to do anything”. So, he continued to …work for his own satisfaction, until he reached his orgasm. Every time she talked to him about it, he apologized, and a few days later, he did it again.
At some point in her post, she wondered why she didn’t act more dynamically. She mentioned that she could seek help, but she didn’t.
Why didn’t I tell anyone? Why didn’t I break up with him sooner?
She ended up with “…But it wasn’t a healthy relationship. And I don’t think I’m out of line calling it an abusive one”.
My response was: “When it comes to how the past relationship is called and whether it was abusive or not, well, it was, but it was co-created. There is a person who cannot respect others’ boundaries and another person who cannot fight for their…
