FEELINGS: Reflections and Understanding
Rudolph Steiner writes, “Feelings are to the Spirit what food is to the Body,” in “How to Know Higher Worlds”
In many of my stories on Medium.com I reflected on important life events, what I learned and what I hoped to teach others. I seldom mentioned my feelings about those events. At 90, I’m pondering on feelings as things happen, especially since I am closer to Spirit in my Inner Reality. Feelings today when reflecting on the past are different from feelings at the time. There are also differences from vibratory feelings of Spirit within the heart, and those of Emotional Reactions to people, communities and events in physical reality, as seen in my “7 Circles” and the degrees of those reactionary feelings
Marcus aka Gregory Maidman explains this: “The difference between pure feelings and those corrupted by emotions, thoughts…”
Fame/recognition feelings in the past, slowly changing as I age
The first touch of fame was in 1945, 12 years-old, with a great thrill that my dress design for “Tillie the Toiler” cutouts was published in the local newspaper. Reflecting back, a child’s thrill was probably a purer feeling than adult pride.
The next recognition I recall was short-lived. The faculty at MassArt voted to give me a scholarship for the senior year in Fashion Design, 1954. However, the fashion design teacher asked the president to take it away. I was heartbroken. It disturbed another faculty member and she told me to go to my state representative because MassArt was a state college, and say “The faculty voted to give me the scholarship, and they should vote to take it away”. The representative called the president, saying he was on the committee to fund the college. I was embarrassed at the way he talked to the president, because I was socially taught to respect a president. The faculty took a vote and gave my scholarship back. Now I have warm feelings for the MassArt faculty, and have forgiven the design teacher, who was upset because students came to me sometimes instead of her, because I had answers from industry experience. Age and Spiritual feelings has helped me to see the great learning as more important than past feelings
Throughout the 1960s there were many articles about my fashion collections and fashion shows in Boston newspapers, and the trade magazine, Women’s Wear Daily, which named me Boston’s #1 fashion designer. I felt neutral because, although pleasing, the articles did not help me get customers.
In the late 1960s an advertising agency asked me to create and make a collection for Swift Textiles (Denims) for advertising, and later, a collection for AmerMill fabrics in silk velvet. This was truly exciting. Paul Lee, advertising for Women’s Wear Daily sent me a letter, that said, “tremendous retail response to one of my designs.” This was a pride feeling, but more importantly, it prompted a try again in selling to retail, and with strong determination, I did so.
I had mixed feelings about my achievements, because they seemed to separate me from groups, especially women, that I wanted to be a part of.
Today, I still have mixed feelings about life experiences, but now it’s confusion between inner spiritual feelings and outer reality. I still feel lost in not being a part of outer world communities. I try deepening inner spirituality, especially through meditation. It’s peaceful for a while, but it changes. There is something more to learn: “To balance inner and outer feelings.”
Thank you Medium.com. I do have a small but wonderful community of writers, men & women, with whom we share feelings and thoughts.
Today is the New Year, 1.1.24, and I am feeling a lot of good changes that I am going to materialize, but that is for another article
