The Power & Danger Of Using “Should”
It’s not as ‘worthy’ as it sounds and here’s why.
There are many things in our life where we thought that we should be doing this so that we can prevent this or achieve that. The word “should’ve” is a very strong word to get us to do something that we believe is right. But on the other hand, that word will mess with our mind and it may stay for a long time, depending on how we take it.
Thor is a good example to see from here, so I am going to use some examples from him to illustrate it.
Let’s go with the pros first:
1) It helps to set a clear goal
We hear this all the time daily, whether and work or in school. In our own lives, this can help us to shape ourselves to be the person we want to be. It helps us focus to reach our dreams or tasks and be serious about it.
Ever since a young boy, Thor was always told that he will be King of Asgard when he is older. He was to be what a king should do for their people and create peace across the universe. So, growing up, he did whatever he can to be a strong leader. He trained to be powerful and worthy to lift Mjolnir, confidence and made sure any threats will be eliminated, and eventually, training to be strong.
However, because this mindset became is imprinted at the back of his head, it gave a drawback for him which is…
1.1) Perspective became limited
I was guilty of this trap before. I was too focused on school and catching up with grades that I didn’t know there is more to learning. All my thinking was, get a good grade, and be a good student.
My perspective about life was limited to just getting good grades. Unable to open my mind to creativity, other perspectives, and diversify myself. Like, “How can grades benefit me for my career?”, “Does school really guarantee success?” These questions came to me when a mentor began to guide me for my life path, I got so confused that it actually kept me all night to think about it.
Here is a better picture.
Thor was so narrowed to protect Asgard that he did not think of other planets. Thus, he started the attack of Jotunheim, killing many of their kinds there. His action forced Odin to exile Thor for his actions because he was naive to think that he is a rightful king just because he’s worthy to lift Mjolnir.
His mindset to be king got him lost to pride. He did not bother to really ask “What is a true king?”, “Why should there be a King”, “Why should we think of other realms?”, and many other questions.
Though afterward, being exiled on Earth, he was able to see the bigger picture. Without his powers, he came to learn about being humble and putting other people’s needs before him. We saw this when he stole back Jane’s research notes. And when he got his powers back, those experiences helped him to open his mind to do his duty better. Thus, joining the Avengers to protect Earth.
Speaking of ‘to do’…..
2) Motivated To Do Better
As I said before, the good thing about this phrase is that it keeps you focused on your goal. You are motivated to catch that dream, that’s why you sharpen your skills to do so and you are determined that, no matter what, you want to be better in order to make that dream happen.
This was depicted in Thor a lot when he was defeated by Thanos. When his thunder abilities were not effective against him, he decided to give it another try but differently. We saw him beaten by Thanos, but he didn’t give up and was determined that he’ll get his revenge. Thus, his big entrance in Wakanda.
Getting back up after defeats is the most important thing in your life. In life, there will come a time where we face failures. It can be from school works or workplaces, we must learn to never give up.
However, in times, these failures would usually torment us as well:
2.2) Haunted by failures
We are all human, we make mistakes. There is never a moment that we always succeed, there are good days and there are bad days. But sometimes, some of our failures may haunt us.
That’s why some people were traumatic after they failed something. It could be from failing from exams that made your parents angry, unable to accomplish tasks that you were supposed to do at work that made your boss mad or a business that made took a lot of effort and failed.
That trauma creates an imprint our head that made us scared to face it again. I have friends who told me that when they created a business, they hated doing the first part because there were so many obstacles, and some involved getting people upset. That was the trauma that the people I knew tell me that they didn’t want to do it again.
Same like Thor.
After the events of the Infinity War, Thor was plagued by his failures even after he finally killed Thanos. He still sees himself as a failure because, in his mind, he should’ve protected his people, save Loki, and prevent the Snap from happening as he was the closest to end his life. As a result, he took comfort in video games, ate junk foods, and could not move on to the point that he got fat.
When this happens, sometimes it’s you or someone else who would need to help knock some sense into you. This is because there are times that we find it difficult to forgive ourselves.
In this case, his mother from the past helped him realize that just because he failed, doesn’t mean that he will stay that way. To prove this, Thor tried to call for Mjolnir and he was still able to wield it.
How to solve this issue
It’s up to us how we use the word ‘should’, but know that it may do good and harm when you apply it to oneself. I still use these words, to be honest, but I don’t let it disadvantages get into my head. Because, like what Lady Frigga, Thor’s Mum, said in Endgame:
Everyone fails who they’re ‘supposed’ to be, Thor. The measure of a person, of a hero, is how well they succeed at being who they are.
The better thing to do is to accept reality as it is and do your best. Know that no matter what happens, you are still worthy.
I hope you learn something.
