8 Ways To Calm Down When You’re Pissed Off And Don’t Want To Be
Have you seen the animated movie Inside Out? There’s a character in it, Anger, whose head literally explodes every time he gets too worked up. It’s a great visual and it definitely doesn’t seem overly dramatic — we’ve all been there. Spoken over in a meeting, denied a raise or passed over for a promotion after going way above and beyond at work, let down by your partner when you needed them — you can probably feel your anger bubbling up right now just thinking about these things.
But is feeling angry — and expressing your rage — really the best way to move your life forward? Sometimes, yes. In the face of injustice, drawing on your anger may help you to fight for what’s right. Anger gives us the energy to defend ourselves and others in the face of unfair treatment. It’s a valid emotion, and judging ourselves for feeling angry isn’t the answer.
So the next time you start to feel angry and want to soothe yourself, try one of the following expert-approved techniques.
1. Ask yourself if your anger is reasonable
This may be hard to do in the moment — head on fire, and all of that — but if you can take a few deep breaths and check in with yourself about why you’re angry, you may be able to calm yourself down without invalidating your feelings.
Before you try to make your anger disappear, see if you can identify what is reasonable about your anger. Would it be okay for other people to be angry in your situation? If it’s okay for them, it’s okay for you. Validating yourself does not mean you are going to lash out angrily. It simply allows you to check in with yourself about what you need and consider how you can get your needs met.
2. Identify other emotions that your anger may be masking
Your anger may be standing in for an emotion that makes you feel less powerful such as fear, hurt, or embarrassment. Try to breathe through your rage without acting on it, and talk yourself through the feelings that are buried beneath your anger. Once you address those other feelings (either through self-validation, changing your situation, or communicating your needs), your anger should subside, too.
3. Leave the room
“Changing your scene” if you’re getting worked up. Leave the room, take a walk outside, just get yourself out of the situation that’s fueling your rage — and then try applying tips 1 and 2 from this list. taking a walk outside is particularly helpful when you’re angry because it releases endorphins, the “happy hormone,” which can “reduce the perception of pain.” If you’re fighting with another person, don’t just leave the room; be sure to tell them you need some time alone and that you’ll be back in 20 minutes (or whatever) to talk.
4. Talk to your inner child
Feeling angry at someone else can be an indication that you’re not taking care of yourself in a situation, so talking to your inner child can help you to not only calm down but also to identify what’s wrong and be nicer to yourself.
Imagine the angry part of you is a child within you having a temper tantrum, but who is really needing compassion. Imagine holding that angry child with kindness, caring, and compassion. It’s the time when you Ask that angry inner child what he or she is angry at you about. Are you not speaking up for yourself? Are you being compliant instead of honest? Are you ignoring your deeper feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, or helplessness over a person or situation?
5. Do a body scan and release the tension in your body
Most of us experience some physical manifestation of anger, so try this technique- “Squeeze or tense up various areas in your body three times per section, for five seconds in length, and relax. Common body areas include shoulders, arms, hands, legs, and feet.” That should help to ease the physical tension and, in turn, calm your anger.
6. Watch something funny
Have you ever been in the midst of a fight with a partner when suddenly they crack a joke and it instantly makes you feel lighter? Depending on the seriousness of the argument, this can be a recipe for disaster. But sometimes it really helps.
watching something funny, like a favorite stand-up comedy clip on YouTube, if you’re starting to get angry — especially over something relatively minor, like a sink full of unwashed dishes. “Learn to laugh at yourself”
7. Write a letter
writing a letter to the person who’s making you angry — a letter you’ll never send — is an effective coping method because it “allows for the child in us to act out, but constructively.” Just don’t write an email, you don’t want to accidentally send it. Instead, write by hand or in a document on your computer.
8. And remember to take care of yourself
If you’re perpetually exhausted, overworked, not eating well, not exercising, and not spending time with people who love and support you, the likelihood of going from zero to 100 real quick is high. good self-care habits are key to a more even-keeled you. So make time for yourself even when it feels impossible. Ask for help. Get outside. Go to bed earlier. Look for a new job if your current work situation is making you rage-y. You deserve to feel a whole lot less angry.
