The Jerry Liu Effect
One of my closest friends Jerry Liu on growing up in Germantown in Quincy, Massachusetts, his budding interest in animal sciences, and why he’d describe his age as “14 with a hint of 30.”
“This is like a dream! It doesn’t feel real right now,” Jerry exclaimed.
The stadium was coming into full view. We parked half a mile from the stadium in a small lot where jersey-adorned game goers smoked the air with aromas of Italian sausage. It was a Thursday on one of August’s cooler, moonless nights and I was drinking the last of its elixir amongst football fanatics at Gillette Stadium.
Recently, I won a company raffle for pair of tickets to the New England Patriots’ preseason game against The Green Bay Packers. When I arrived at its shockingly bright and hyper-stimulating field of green and red and blue, I was thankful for my good friend, Jerry Liu, who sat next to me with an overflowing cup of Downeast Cider.
Before the game, Jerry and I drove into an unofficial parking lot manned by a local Foxboro family to avoid post-game Parking Lot Tetris. As we entered the lot, the parking attendant asked if we were going to tailgate. No, we’re good, Jerry replied politely.
“What’s tailgating?” I asked, munching on a stick of sweet potato tempura. I was starkly unaware of American sporting traditions. If you needed help editing a resume or organizing a multi-city trip, I would be your best bet. But competitive sports? That was Jerry’s territory.
“It’s when people bring their grills and hang out outside the stadium before the game,” Jerry replied without a hint of judgment. I pointed at the unloaded pick up trucks and camp chairs, completely bewildered.
“Wait, you’re telling me that people do this every time? They just break out a barbecue and drink from a cooler outside the stadium and have a party? That’s fucking genius.”
Jerry laughs, “Yeah, pretty much,” and reaches for the last piece of fried sweet potato. “You want half?”
He was a longtime Patriots fan and a patient football enthusiast who was willing to answer all of my football-clueless questions. I thought I had won the lottery when Jerry agreed to attend the game with me, but that was never the case when I spend time with him. Whatever it was that we did together, he always made me feel like the gracious one.
That’s the effect Jerry has on people though.
As one of his closest friends, I can attest to his warm, affectionate nature and outspoken generosity. Jerry’s the kind of person you would praise for his “great attitude.” The most arresting quality about him, I think, is his unabashed openness to share his life fully with those he trusts. He never hesitates to tell the people he loves just how much he loves them. I have always found his barefaced honesty particularly refreshing as we have become better friends, and lately, more and more difficult to match.
And it’s not just this willingness and loyalty that makes Jerry a great friend. Jennifer Li, one of our mutual friends from high school, agreed with my sentiments and added,
“What makes Jerry different from most people I know is that he’s very observant. Every birthday, I would always look forward to his cards because he can bring up all of our best memories on one piece of paper. It’s pretty cool because I am usually forgetful, or I would enjoy that moment, but forget it later.
But he’s also observant in other ways, like in the way he pays attention to his car, to [his dog] Bobo, to his friends. Like when we make plans to hang, he’ll notice who doesn’t have rides and ask us before we even say anything. He’s always so prepared.”
In that moment I was chatting with Jennifer, I could recall several instances of when Jerry paid special attention to our eight year friendship. Jennifer continued,
“I feel like he knows each of us so well because he’s always willingly paying attention to what we say, what we do, what we like. And it shows.”
I thought of the three-ring binder at home holding my birthday wishes, where Jerry’s elaborate homemade cards preserved in individual plastic sleeves. Each card was made of folded computer paper and embellished with silly-faced photographs and page-length poems with surprising rhymes. The font was printed in a deep, sky blue. Blue is his favorite color.
When we’re not attending a football game (this one was both of our first), we work weekday office jobs. Meaning, we often ping each other on g-chat (aka Google Hangouts) throughout the day. That’s where most of our midday philosophical discussions take place — when other worker bees slump in the break room reviving themselves with another cup of joe.
Two nights ago, we met up with a mutual friend to celebrate her first job offer with some bubble tea. I asked if he was busy after work and whether or not he would be interested in an impromptu interview before we headed to the congratulatory tea gathering.
“I’m free as a bee,” he replied, followed by a smiling emoji. Earlier, he was telling me how he was looking forward to volunteering at the New England Aquarium in the fall and what he thought about Miguel’s new album Wildheart (to which I have been endlessly praising). In this moment, it struck me just how telling this conversation was of our friendship and how we have grown up together.
He was always connecting the little pieces and details to make small, impactful motions: he noticed how much I loved music and made strides to explore it with me. He wasn’t just free — he was “free as a bee,” and showed up too.
But again, that’s the effect Jerry has on people though. He’s the best kind of prepared — prepared to give himself fully and unabashedly to the people he cares most about. Jerry may have taught me about football and tailgating and birthday cards, but he has also taught me how to be a great friend. That’s something no pair of sideline tickets to the Patriots can repay.
Francesca: Tell me about where you grew up.
Jerry: I grew up in a small portion of Quincy. The east side. I like to call it the east side cause I’m pretty sure it’s the east side. They just don’t call it East Quincy. They call it Germantown and Houghs Neck. But I grew up in Germantown. It used to be underdeveloped. It’s pretty much government housing, where all the houses look the same to some extent. Where I grew up, it was a small and closed community. I went to elementary school there. Kindergarten. My elementary school was only a two-minute walk from me.
Germantown is like a peninsula. It’s surrounded by water on three sides and there’s one way in and one way out. You’re pretty much in the middle of nowhere on the east side of Quincy. Growing up, I didn’t really leave Germantown that much unless it was with my family. I had no reason to. All my friends were from Germantown.
We grew up together and did so many things together. Play games… Whatever it was, we did whatever little kids did together. Sometimes I miss elementary school. It was probably the best time of my life. All I cared about was going outside, playing games, playing sports, going home, dinner. The same thing the next day.
Francesca: What were some of the most difficult things you went through growing up in Germantown?
Jerry: I guess the difficult part was my family. Every family has their family issues. I don’t think that my family’s any worse than some other families out there. But that was the hardest part. My mom and father never really got along. Me and my brother were never really close, even though it wasn’t like he moved away or anything. We just didn’t talk that much.
Francesca: How much older is your brother?
Jerry: He’s five years older than I am. I mean, I looked up to him. I used to want to play with his friends, but he wouldn’t let me because he’s the older one. He doesn’t want to hang around the lame little brother.
Francesca: When you were a kid in Germantown, what did you think your life would be like when you were older?
Jerry: I imagined now I would be this awesome Asian basketball player. Doing so much crap. I just imagined being famous, making so much money, getting all the girls. Yeah, all that changed in high school when I realized I really want to be a scientist and play with animals. Take care of them, all that scientific research with animals. I was really into science.
Francesca: You mentioned you liked to play sports. Would you describe yourself as being competitive?
Jerry: [My competitiveness is] all concealed inside me. I’m kind of annoyed of that side. I know my limits. I like to win but I also think it’s fun to do things nobody else would. [When I was] younger, it was for the glory. Now it’s just like, doing things for fun. Hopping down the mountain — like that was fun for me.* I didn’t do it for glory.
That’s another thing — I wish I was an athlete, like a professional athlete. You know those television sitcoms? The average white family. Son plays football, the flute. Daughter’s a cheerleader or something. I wasn’t exposed to football. Would I have liked to play on a peewee team? Hell yeah! I would have enjoyed that. My parents didn’t really have much emotional support for me or fiscal support. That’s the underdeveloped part of my life. I would have really enjoyed playing competitive sports. I think that’s where it comes from though.
Francesca: I want to elaborate on what we were talking about today on g-chat. When we’re on g-chat, we just talk about random things. I found this list of philosophical questions and one of them asked: How old do you feel right now, if you didn’t know how old you are? And I said something like 27. Jerry, what did you say?
Jerry: I said 14 with a hint of 30.
Francesca: Oh yeah that’s right! [laughs] I remember laughing. Like I don’t really know what that means, but it’s funny.
Jerry: I like to be unique. I always like to be unique. I always like to be the oddball, but be truthful at the same time. I don’t want to stick to the social norms.
Any one could have just said 14 or 27, but I had to say ’14 with a hint of 30.’ Who says that? Nobody.
Francesca: So can you explain why you said ‘14 with a hint of 30?’
Jerry: Because all I want to do is have fun still. I loved my childhood, at least the part of playing games, sports. I still love to do those things, except all the friends I did those things with have either gone in different directions in life or moved away. And I can’t have that part of life back. But I still act 14 because I’m hyperactive and I like to move around.
Francesca: You were really hyper in the beginning of high school. I remember you were always running or trying to jump over something when you didn’t need to jump that high to get over it.
Jerry: [Laughs] Exactly. I like to be stimulated with physical challenges, not so much mental challenges.
Francesca: Oh, you mean… school? [Laughs]
Jerry: Exactly! Even though I was a very good student, I could never get past that B+.
Francesca: What’s the 30 part? Where does that come in?
Jerry: Well even though I want to play around so much, I still know right from wrong. I didn’t know right from wrong when I was 14.
I didn’t know what hurting someone else meant. I didn’t know what love was. I still don’t, but I got a better sense of it.
I had girlfriends. I know what heartbreak is. I don’t know who I am yet, but I never cared about that when I was 14. So I guess that kind of puts me at 30, when you have a midlife crisis. I mean, that’s where I am now. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? You have that speech with myself. You don’t have that speech when you’re 14.
The hint of 30 is my mindset. I’m done with school. I have to get to what’s next in my life. I don’t think I play around that much anymore. My mindset is still the same. Why do you think every time we hang out at [our friend] Shirley’s house and at 3AM I’m just like [makes overly energetic expression]. Around you guys I’m beaming. Around you guys I act 14. There we go! That’s the difference.
Francesca: Being 14 was nice. I feel like I don’t remember that mentality anymore.
Jerry: I guess my friends bring out the 14-year-old in me. And work brings out the 30-year-old in me.
Francesca: When you think back to your teenage self, what kind of advice would you like to give yourself?
Jerry: Start making as many friends as you can and stop being shy. I was pretty shy. Don’t you think?
Francesca: I think so.
Jerry: I still am shy. I’m still very shy. It sucks. It’s just something I can never get over, but I would try to tell him to be more outgoing and don’t screw up relationships like the dumbass kid I was. Me and my first girlfriend, we dated but nothing really happened. I was too obsessed with video games at the time and I never really did nothing but talk online. That’s why we didn’t last more than a month and a half.
Francesca: How do you think your life is different from what you had imagined in high school?
Jerry: I always imagined myself going away for college. I never imagined going to Umass Boston. I never knew what money was at the time. I didn’t pay for anything. I didn’t have a job. I mean, I didn’t know where money came from. I started having a job in junior year. But ninth and tenth grade, that’s when I really invented my future. I thought about it. Like yeah, I’m gonna go to college. There’s no way I’m not gonna go to college.
Then, senior year comes along. Oh, it’s what college I can afford to go to. So when you have that mindset, it’s just like, it sucks. Money’s a constraint on you. You don’t really have a choice on what college to go to besides the cheapest one. So I ended up going to Umass Boston. I wanted to be a marine biologist but I could never get past math. Calculus is some hard shit.
It’s always been that way. I always settle. That’s what I’m trying to go for — always settle for what’s attainable.
Francesca: In the last five years, what moments have you been proud of?
Jerry: Can it be graduation? I think graduation was my proudest moment though. But before that, my focus was just get this shit done. I really didn’t do much at school. I didn’t hang out, join any clubs. That’s just because I was on a pretty strict schedule. I was also working at State Street as a Monday through Friday job. I also learned about working in college, like a full-time job. I’d be at school from 8 to 2 and I’d work 2 to 7. It’s like having a job 8 to 7, five days a week. My proudest moment is probably getting the job at State Street.
Francesca: I still remember that moment.
Jerry: That was probably the defining moment of my college career actually. It was such a real job. I worked at Hannaford’s for crying out loud. For three years. That shit taught me discipline and respect. Everyone should go through it — retail and customer service and shit for the experience. Getting an office job, my own cubicle, my own computer…
Francesca: Is it all you imagined it would be?
Jerry: An office job? Yeah, pretty much. That’s pretty much what I’d imagine it would be, but I didn’t imagine myself in an office job. Like I said, I always take what’s attainable. If an office job paying $15 an hour is attainable and I have no other options out there, well am I going to stay at Hannaford’s and be miserable or I’m going to take this opportunity? If I had an opportunity for $15 an hour to play with animals, I’d take that with a heartbeat. You take what’s given to you. You can’t just wave it off because you don’t like it.
Francesca: If you could do anything right now, what would you do right now?
Jerry: Career-wise, I’d be looking for the type of job I want. There’s a ton of stuff you can do, but there’s still only just specific things that are interesting to me. Recently — yesterday actually — I looked up jobs for animals and I saw this job called “conservation scientist.” So they just go into the field and do research on the wildlife animals and stuff like that. It’s not hands-on, like petting a bunny or something. You’re out in nature and looking at animals. It’s just stuff like that. I would enjoy that.
Would I like to pet a bunny though? Yes, I would. I’d like that over anything. I mean, no one’s gonna pay you to pet bunnies all day.
Francesca: That’s one way to put it. If only…
Jerry: Seriously though! If I could pet bunnies for $5 an hour, I wouldn’t mind. At least I’d be happy.
Francesca: What inspires you?
Jerry: My mom inspires me. She’s worked so hard. She’s pretty much been a single mom. I mean, she’s been working since as long as I can remember. She’s still working. She works under-the-table. She used to have a real job, but she got laid off. It was hard. I mean, it’s still hard. She’s been my inspiration. Money didn’t come easy to her to raise a family.
I feel like all the pressure’s on me to fix the problem, which is money for my family. I don’t want her to work until the day she dies. I would like some security. Although I would love to do what I love to do, I also have to think about the money and how it affects my family’s decisions. Would I like to do something I love but make $20,000 a year? That’s just not financially possible for me.
Francesca: What are your hopes for the future?
Jerry: See, my mind’s in a state of flux right now. I want one thing today. I want another thing tomorrow. You know? Nothing’s solid anymore. I’m just taking this day-to-day. I’m working on a solid plan. But what the future holds? I don’t know.
I mean, everyday I try to imagine myself working with animals because I want to strive so hard to do that. You ever want something so much that’s just so hard to get that makes you want it more? Yeah, it’s like that.
This article is one of many upcoming conversations featuring the people who have influenced my life the most, in their own words.
*Jerry and I went on a hiking trip to the White Mountains in New Hampshire with a bunch of friends in July 2015.
