A Letter for The Lovers
I want to have a quick word with the lover boys and lover girls. For those unfamiliar with the term, a “lover boy” or “lover girl” is a person who wants more than a casual hookup. They are wholeheartedly ready to give and receive love. I can remember watching an episode of Sex and The City. Charlotte, Carrie, Samantha and Miranda were having breakfast and Charlotte was distressed about her love life and said “I’ve been dating since I was 15, I’m exhausted! Where is he!? You see, Charlotte was a lover girl/ hopeless romantic, and she was in love with the idea of love and having a happy ending.
I want to share a few responses from a question I asked via Facebook. The question was “to the lover boys and lover girls, how are you feeling about finding love in today’s society? “
RESPONSES:
“Very scary. Because men have the mindset of wanting, they cake and eating it too. Plus, they are meant to have multi partners & come home to u! Never can stay committed & love just one woman” — Female, 27
“Lowkey give up on it lol but in my opinion, our generation got addicted to instant gratification from social media and translated “likes” on a post to love. So, say there’s two people in a relationship. A woman can tend to feel like her dude ain’t doing enough in comparison to the love she receives from strangers in her DM. It’s a weird time we’re living in”– Male, 31
“We are conditioned and trained to believe what we see in pop culture in social media and people have a tendency to forget about values and only care about looks or assets. On both ends of the spectrum, I know women who only care about being spoiled and wanting a man over 6'3, and men only want a woman with a BBL and can cook for them. We are diminishing our own self-worth by not setting higher and more tangible standards for ourselves” — Male, 31
“Lol that shit is diabolical and disgracefully unpleasant.” — Male, 31
Now, based on the responses above you can see that the aspect of finding love seems insufficient for the demand. For my lover girls/ lover boys, and for anyone else who loves love and is feeling like giving up, please remain steadfast. I know first-hand what it’s like to be a certified lover of love and have nothing to show for it but unsuccessful relationships and trauma. I’ve dealt with the cheating, the lying, the sexual misconduct, and the verbal/ emotional abuse. At one point I did renounce love and I started saying things like “I’m never dating again” or “I don’t believe in marriage anymore.” This was simply because I had endured so many bad experiences. It wasn’t until I got into my thirties that I understood that LOVE ISN’T THE PROBLEM. I acquired this tainted view of love because I was being treated poorly or just not how I wanted to be treated, and I was settling for relationships with men that didn’t align with me as a person or my core values.
Listen, I understand. I’m a typical lover just like you. I’m ready to receive a raw, passionate love. I’m ready for my daughter to see me being loved correctly. I’m ready to be soft. I’m ready for reciprocity. I’m ready to wear matching pajamas and send out holiday photos to my family and friends. I’m ready to show off my engagement ring. I’m ready for it all, and you know what? Sometimes I get frustrated that my time hasn’t come yet. As a lover girl and a self-diagnosed hopeless romantic, I know first-hand that it gets frustrating as hell when you’re ready for love, but love isn’t ready for you. There is post on Viola Davis’s Instagram page I want you to find solace in. The post is a picture that says, “You still haven’t met all of the people who are going to love you.” Think about that for a moment.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CVdd6PkF7xO/?igsh=MWIyMmcyampteWp4NQ==— — — — — — — — — — — — — -Intermission thinking break — — — — — — — — -
How many times have you said “I love you” or “I love you too” just for the individual(s) to now be a complete stranger? If you’re anything like me, the answer to that question is more than once, more than twice, or more than three times. Guess what though? Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean that your journey with love is over. That just means that that person wasn’t the right one to love you and that your love is being saved for someone else who deserves it. I’ve started to feel so much better about love and so much more at ease because I finally understand that I have a pure love to give and that doesn’t need to go to just anyone. I finally understand that I really haven’t met all the people who are going to love me yet. I just want you to understand that love is still here and it’s still obtainable. Please continue to be a lover/ hopeless romantic. You’re time is coming!
A quick bible verse I want to share with you:
Ecclesiastes Chapter 1:1 says: to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven. With that being said, we all experience different seasons. Seasons change for all of us at different times. Your season of love just isn’t here, YET. Use this time to identify what season you’re in. Use this time to pour into yourself so much that your cup overflows. That way, when that season of love comes along (and it WILL come), you’re in a great space mentally, spiritually and emotionally to accept that love and give it back in return.
