A Month Back Home Since College Started

I didn’t know how to describe it. It just felt weird… unsettling maybe. I was back home for the first time in.. four months? It’s been four months. Four months since I left the comfort of my suburban life to go to the other side of the country and start adulthood. It was the biggest risk I ever took and the most drastic change I’ve ever had to endure. Now here I am four months later; a little more mature, experienced, and wiser (emphasis on the word little). I surprised myself and grew in ways I could have never imagined. So coming back, I asked myself : after four months of growing into this new person, how do I fit back into my old life?

Honestly, it was hard. I had to readjust again after living somewhere that was so fast paced with so much going on around me. It was relaxing, calming even, but for the first time it didn’t feel like home. It just felt like I came back. So much changed. So many people moved away, so many new buildings were built, so much new traffic, my room was empty, my dog was gone, and there was an uncomfortable feeling in the air that I couldn’t explain. Maybe it was the realization that this place wasn’t for me anymore. I mean it was where I grew up and where I had some of the best years of my life with some of my best friends but I needed to accept the fact that those times ended. In all honesty, I think I figured out that I no longer belong here. My heart was.. somewhere else.

I missed them. My parents, my friends, the long stretches of empty road, the cows at the intersection by the railroad tracks, the lush forests, and the beautiful moss that hangs off the enormous oak trees. These were the things I looked forward to when I came back and surely enough I ran back to them with open arms (except the cows, they’re not huggers). Of course I missed my parents but oh my god, my friends. I forgot how much I really missed them until I saw them again. We all have so many memories attached to one another that when we spent time together again it felt like no time passed, like we were back in high school. There were times where I completely forgot about this whole other life I had in California. I say it again and again but it’s only because I say it in disbelief and with so much gratitude each time: My friends were the ones that shaped me into who I am. Because of that, I love them with all my heart and I always will. With our busy lives it’s hard to keep up with them all the time, but that’s something we all understand. Growing apart is a normal component of life but, I really need to remember to pop up back into their lives every once in a while.

I’m thankful I got an entire month to think to myself again, to breathe and to pause. I’ll come back. This place keeps me humble. As much as I love what is left here, I think it’s time to keep going. It’s time to make plans that are greater than what I left behind here. It’s time to go home, to everything/everyone else that I also love so much and everything waiting for me back in California.

Thank you Florida for keeping me down to earth but I think I need to learn to do it on my own.