My Fear of Social Media — and Why I Can’t Stop Using It
Self awareness is not enough.
I know. I know how bad it is for me. I know the tech companies are using and tracking my data — data that is used against me. I am fully aware that these sites are precisely designed for me to mindlessly scroll through my all my feeds for hours — and to keep coming back.
I know that twitter makes me anxious and overwhelms me with all the news and the angry individuals. I know Instagram makes me feel like my life has not amounted to much, and that I am not as attractive as a lot of girls out there. I have gone to bed and felt the sun rise outside without sleeping because I spent the entire night on TikTok. Facebook no longer makes sense to me, but I always find myself logging back in at some point in the day to see what people are posting in the Facebook groups thinking that something new will come up.
I am on the later end of Gen Z. 1998. I remember how excited I was to open my first Facebook account, how cool it was to message my middle school classmates and cousins. For the first time, I was able to be friends with and talk to people on my own time… constantly. I no longer felt alone.
That bliss evolved into something else now. From then on social media became deeply ingrained into my life — a part of my identity, my daily routine, and who I am. Instagram is the showcase of who I am, what people see if they want a glimpse into my life. Twitter is where I get my memes and how I get firsthand accounts of all the insanity that is going on in the world… it is addicting. Facebook used to be where I showcase my accomplishments to my family members — but it has now turned into a place of political discourse.
When my anxiety skyrockets with all the things going wrong on Earth, how everyone else is accomplishing so much more than I ever will, and when I feel helpless I stay off my social media for a little bit- and every time I have done so I come back on the other end feeling more calm and at peace.
Despite my understanding of this, I still find myself going back. It’s no longer about “the fear of missing out”… I am addicted. The constant scrolling — the hope that I’ll find a new video or post if I keep scrolling, that’s what keeps me coming back. Because that’s how I avoid my responsibilities, fill up my spare time, and find new things to entertain myself with and to share with friends. My brain feels restless when I am not on my social media accounts… I no longer have the required attention span to run marathons on Netflix anymore.
This concern became reenforced with the new Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma, a documentary that brings in prior employees who worked at these companies to talk about the design techniques made to keep brainwashing us, keep us engaged, to make us more polarized as a society, and at the end of the day to make the company more money. They admitted it. These companies have no regard for our mental health. They don’t care that there is false and evil information online that vulnerable people can stumble upon on and then fall into the rabbit hole.
I fear for my future kids and wonder if this is the world they will grow up in. If they will grow up obsessing over looks and posts. If they will want to grow up to become a Youtuber or Vlogger whose success depends on aesthetics, how pretty and outgoing they are, and how “cool” they seem. They might become obsessed with social media influencers and spend their days consumed with their media content. If their days will be filled with tweets and posts about how unjust the world is. I already see it with my friends who are a year or two younger than me. Social media is not just an extension of them, it is them.
Why do I come back? Because, everyone else is doing it. Because I feel weak if I feel as if I cannot handle scrolling through some apps. Because I am addicted and want a way to spend time on my own to entertain myself. It seems so harmless and every time I come back I tell myself its fine and that I can handle it. Because everyone is still on it and it is how I communicate with and talk to my friends. It gives me the illusion that I have a social network that will always be there when I just open my phone.
It is the companies’ responsibilities to protect us and ensure that our mental health does not deteriorate from the platforms before us. They can’t simply ask us to “use it less” or stop using the app when we need because they know they designed it so that it is very difficult for us to do so. I am unsure about the future of our society but I will be honest — I am scared.
