Grief and play: They go hand in hand…
“Theater was created to tell people the truth about life and the social situation.” — Stella Adler
Grief and play are not two words that usually go together in an Asian Community. With previous generations exposed to colonialism, stringent family systems, honor/shame culture and immigration to foreign countries, encouragement and “pressing on” has been the most reliable method to deal with trauma. Little emphasis is placed on lamentation and allowing dramatic expression to heal wounds. This loss of voice and no making of space leaves countless casualties in the wake of the trauma.
This past discussion time my group had read, Finding Your Voice: Communal Rhythms And Theater from the book “The Body Keeps Score” by Clinical Psychologist Bessel Van Der Kolk. In this chapter, he speaks of how outward physical expression in various the forms — primarily acting — can be an immense healing tool to deal with trauma. Bessel writes, “In order to find our voice, we have to be in our bodies — able to breathe fully and able to access our inner sensations. This is the opposite of dissociation, of being “out of body” and making yourself disappear. It’s also the opposite of depression, lying slumped in front of a screen that provides passive entertainment. Acting is an experience of using your body to take your place in life.”
Our group talked about how drama is played out in front of an audience. There is a big difference between enjoying yourself alone and enjoying yourself in the presence of us and with others. We had talked about how one person enjoyed certain a form of dancing but had never had the courage to perform for an audience. This brought up a common theme that people desire to be witness but at the same time hold a sense of fear around being seen. Because being seen causes us to be exposed in a way that engages our shame.
We also talked about how the therapeutic play our families had known in their communities did not travel with them when they immigrated. Having been removed from their communities, they had lost an essential part of themselves and had to let “life steam ahead” using their limited resources of time and energy for survival in an new environment. I can resonate with that as a South African immigrant. I remember gathering together to eat, to tell stories, laugh, sing and dance as part of play in my community. Now living in the United States I grieve the loss of those parts of my community.
We are now faced with the challenge to find the courage and creativity to step out of our cultural norms and establish outward creative expression that will help us voice the trauma and give healing to it. Bessel affirms this with his writing “Along with language, dancing, marching, and singing are uniquely human ways to install a sense of hope and courage.”
