Queer Christian Trauma

The Lasting Wounds of “Unnatural” and “Broken”

In her book Spirit and Trauma: A Theology of Remaining, Shelly Rambo describes trauma as “an encounter with death. This encounter is not, however, a literal death but a way of describing a radical event or events that shatter all that one knows about the world and all the familiar ways of operating within it.” (4)

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk also engages the idea of trauma in his book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Within his first few chapters, Bessel van der Kolk outlines some larger categories and ideas around trauma. One key idea is “that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present.” (24) Additionally, Bessel van der Kolk stresses the importance that not only the mind, but the body must learn life is safe and that the trauma has passed. Another key lesson is “that people can never get better without knowing what they know and feeling what they feel.” (27)

These ideas from Rambo and Bessel van der Kolk led our group toward a conversation of how some Christian communities not only create but also systematically re-create trauma for the queer community. From my own experience, I have seen several Christian traditions not only actively initiate these horrific injuries, but I’ve experienced church communities that caused the wounds to fester and rot. I honestly do not believe such actions were done out of malice or with an intent to harm. In fact, I believe quite the opposite affect was intended. While likely unintentional, it is this pattern of wounding and re-wounding within Christian communities that I desire to explore in today’s post.

The devastation of trauma is unfortunately commonplace within the queer community. Whether breakdowns with family, inhospitable religious assemblies, or scathing friendships, many within the queer community have experienced the painful shattering (death) of relationships, homes, or complete communities. This trauma can range from a mild, painful ache to an overwhelming, debilitating sense of loss.

The initial shattering for many within the LGBTQIA community occurs in the process of coming out to friends, families, and various spheres of community. Within the realm of church, this may take the form of quick and brutally decisive decisions to reject or exclude. For others, the process may be an excruciatingly slow withdrawal of people who don’t quite know how to “handle” the new revelations about their friend or family member. Or, the shattering may take the form of an omni-present “welcome…but” policy (whether explicit or implicit) that reduces the individual to someone of lesser integrity, capability, or trustworthiness. These policies often instill some form of glass ceiling ranging from membership restrictions, exclusion from communion, inability to become leaders/pastors, or some other form of “discipline”. In these forms of shattering, the world has shifted with the entry of loss and death.

(The theological underpinnings behind these Christian reactions are wide and numerous. While I heartedly disagree with them, such a topic must be discussed elsewhere. While it is important to think about our theology, I believe it is also of vital importance to think through the consequences of our theology. Yes, a theological assertion in my side note to not talk about theology.)

Sadly, the wounding does not often end at the initial shattering but is often revived time and again. One way this occurs involves encounters with leaders, friends, and family who earnestly desire to seek out and find the cause of the queer person’s “brokenness.” It has been a common trope within certain church circles to blame a lack of adequate same-sex parental love or an overly present opposite-sex parent for someone’s attraction to the same sex or gender dysphoria. What can often occur is a trauma witch-hunt. A trauma must be found to explain the “unnatural” desires and feelings the person is experiencing. If God clearly and unequivocally created everyone to be a cis, heterosexual human, finding a trauma becomes paramount. Some terrible event must have occurred to have broken down God’s perfect and glorious order.

Thus, any pain from one’s past can be turned into a weapon against one’s own sexuality and/or gender identity. Not only can this prevent integration of one’s sexuality, but it can also stuff significant past pains into lockers of shame and self-contempt. Now, the individuals “deviant” sexuality or “incorrect” gender identity resides within the individual’s inability to adequately “deal with their past”. It casts shame upon heaps of shame.

An additional area of wounding is the way in which many para-church/church organizations co-opt words such as “healing” and “repair.” Once a trauma or traumas are identified as the root “cause” of someone’s “broken sexuality”, various methods of “healing”/”repair” are heaved upon the individual. Within the last 60 years, these have ranged from hormonal therapy, aversion therapy, exorcisms, prayer/support groups, psychoanalytic therapy, and counseling. Numerous studies have stated the ineffectiveness of these practices. Additionally, numerous so-called ex-gay leaders and organizations have apologized for the decades of mistreatment they inflicted upon the queer community. Some have are now in same-sex relationships. However, even while these practices wither away, there are lingering affects within many church bodies as the path of healing and restoration still remains a return to cis heterosexuality (with the underlying assumption that one begins there in the first place).

One further area of re-traumatization involves how many church communities deny anything outside of a cis, heterosexual identity. Self-professed characteristics such as trans, lesbian, queer, and gay are deemed imaginings of confused and lost individuals. The same applies to any who deny a cis, heterosexual label. Such people are “suffering” in their broken state and need a return to God’s correct ordering. This can appear in subtle, painful blows of denial. Perhaps it is referring to wives/husbands/significant others as “friend”. Or, maybe it involves ignoring someone’s requested pronouns and referring to them with pronouns from their past. This can be especially triggering as it can throw someone into harsh places of past self-denial or contempt. Another common practice within Christian communities is the use of “life-style” or “phase”. These words imbue a sense of choice and temporisity that is often not present within a queer person’s story.

These incidents of trauma combined with other social systems of oppression result in staggering statistics regarding queer youth suicide. A few statistics taken from thetrevorproject.org:

· The rate of suicide attempts is 4 times greater for LGB youth and 2 times greater for questioning youth than that of straight youth

· In a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25.

· LGB youth who come from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection.

· Each episode of LGBT victimization, such as physical or verbal harassment or abuse, increases the likelihood of self-harming behavior by 2.5 times on average.