My Epitaph

I’ve always dreamt about dying. I know that this isn’t the most wonderful opening line to an article, but it is the truth. I have imagined myself being murdered, having an accident and even killing myself. I have done this over and over in my head a gazillion times. And before you jump to conclusions, no, I am not depressed, unhappy or a loony. It is just another thought among the millions that pass through my over-enthusiastic head. Yes, it sounds pessimistic. Au contraire, it has taught me to live life quite optimistically.

I live like I’m probably going to die tomorrow. Well, in most cases. I am not a day dreamer. I do plan for the future sometimes. But the thought of, “What might happen tomorrow?” always creeps into the plan. Hence, my short term goals. If I am happy, I say it. If I need to apologise, I do. If I feel like I miss someone, I pack my bags and end up at their front door. When I feel claustrophobic at home, I travel. It seems like there is always so much to do and so much to learn.

The time constraint is such a damper.

This is not to say that I am always on the go. I’m also probably one of the laziest people you might come across. Sometimes I’m too lazy to even think!

All that being said, I also live this moment 200%. If I don’t feel like doing something important, I don’t. I see no point in wasting that moment of time doing something I don’t like and missing out on doing something far more meaningful, like binge eating a pizza.

I realised that living the moment made me remember things, things that normally people find hard to recollect. I started noticing the small gestures and idiosyncrasies of people. I notice what someone likes, what they don’t, when they are annoyed or when they honestly want me to keep my trap shut. This quirky habit of mine got me a lot of friends. There is nothing more gratifying than seeing someone genuinely happy and surprised at receiving the gift they had always wanted.

It just makes my life a little more worthy. It makes me sleep better than usual.

Life isn’t always rainbows and unicorns. But a smile, thank you or sorry will have made someone’s day just that little bit brighter. It only takes a moment.

I do not know if I might be a millionaire or a pauper in the future. What I do know is that when I die, I will have no regrets, and a lot of loved ones to say, “She lived”!