Utopia

She met a man, somewhere in between dashed hopes and fresh beginnings. There was a lingering feeling that she could never understand. It was neither a crush nor was it discomfort. She had learnt to brush feelings aside and sit poker faced or paste a smile. Despite her best efforts, she gave in to that weird sensation, the one that she couldn’t point a finger at. She smiled at him, a genuine one. She laughed, out loud, a very rare sight in her case. There were no butterflies, no cold sweats. She was conscious, every second.

When we grow up, we idealise situations and people in our heads. There is an idea of a perfect one for each of us. Sometimes it is vivid. Sometimes it’s just a haze. Nevertheless, as we grow older, we stop giving flight to our imaginations. Responsibilities, career, family and friends take precedence. We let go of our idealistic conception. Though the mirage seems to drift away, it has already manifested in your subconscious.

Even before you realise it, your mind, body and soul start working towards this utopia in the background. All and everything you do, ultimately lead to the idea that emerged in that wrinkly organ in your cranium decades ago. Sometimes we face the wrong situations and end up pacifying ourselves and convincing our grey matter that this is how it is supposed to be in reality. However, the universe isn’t one to give up. It works to change the stars and your palm lines to accommodate that abstract, dubious brainchild.

Two and a half decades from the time they met, she looked into his eyes. He looked back quizzically. She shook her head, blushed and smiled. She had just realised what that funny feeling was, the one that she had felt back then. It was familiarity. Not “deja vu”, not “I knew him from somewhere”. It was simply, the feeling of familiarity. This was the person and this was the situation she had created in her world of unicorns, rainbows and pots of gold. Little did she ever know that someday she would find it all. As she laughed at his silly jokes and dramatic narrations, she knew. He was her utopia; he will always be.