The 10 Types Of People In Quarantine
ANYWHERE — Hunkered down with spouses, children, family, roommates, pets, or maybe just the echoes of our own voices — or screams — the past few weeks have been challenging.
Here are the following types of people you’ll meet (virtually) in quarantine.
The Crafter. She’s making masks that match her shirts, sewing A-line dresses, or just otherwise impressing the world with how she’s using all this extra time. Her work is best viewed from a couch while on a third mouthful of BBQ Cheddar crackers during a break from “Tiger King.”
The Born Introvert. He’s taking care of his quarantined-due-to-Covid-19 girlfriend, making stuffed peppers and writing 4,000 words of fiction daily.
The Jokester. Looking for a funny meme to commemorate this time? He’s probably already posted a bunch and has got a thread going on virus-inspired pickup lines.
The Back from the Dead Facebooker. You haven’t heard a peep from her since a GoFundMe donation inadvertently got posted to her wall in 2017, but suddenly she’s waxing on how Cuomo should be president.
The Annoying Couple. They’ve turned their kitchen into a fancy French bistro for date night and posted a menu on a dry erase board.
The Chef. Their meals look restaurant worthy, often accompanied by recipe links in the comments, and you try not to salivate too much while putting a frozen pizza in the oven, congratulating yourself for remembering to turn the fan on to stop the fire alarm from going off. One at-home chef was so ambitious he created a Facebook group for people to post their quarantine meals.
The Zoom-happy Coworker. Oh, it’s another invite for a video chat, forcing you to take a shower and wear something other than a pajama top?
The Dog-or-Cat Champion. Their fur baby is now their coworker and they’ve got another image to share of their cat or dog hogging the keyboard. Look, their dog is in the yard with an ‘employee of the month’ ribbon photoshopped in.
The Nature Lover. She’s been on several hikes, long socially-distant bike rides and has ‘grammed her flower beds (not pictured: weed pulling)
The Teleworker Turned Homeschool Lunch Lady.
The Ones Who’ve Been Quiet. We’re in a pandemic, from the Greek words pan (‘all’) and demos (‘people’), meaning affecting all people, so reach out to the quiet ones…. and if you’re one of the quiet ones, post something to let all your lurkers know you’re doing swell!
If you’ve got nothing better to do than recognize yourself in these behaviors, you’re probably heathy and lucky. Stay informed on the worldwide spread of coronavirus, just don’t bookmark that link and refresh 50X a day. Not like I’d know anything about that…
