The Term “Childfree” is Perfect For Me!
Podcast host ChildfreeSista explains why she prefers the word some find controversial.
Every movement, identity, community, and philosophy that goes against the norm will have what it calls itself debated. We call ourselves “Black people” today, but we used to call ourselves “Negro” and “Colored people” before because of the negative association given to the color black. Feminism used to be a dirty word, and now you can buy T-shirts from Target that say “for the feminist man in your life!” And yet there are still some Black people who disagree with the term black and some women who support equal rights but will not call themselves feminists because of the association with hating men. And I want to highlight the terms given in those two examples of identities and movements because there is nothing inherently negative about any color, especially black! And though feminism was never about hating men, what a convenient and deliberate association to make with it to turn women off from the movement.
With increasing visibility, a formerly silenced minority calls ourselves childfree because our identity as adults is free from an obligation to raise children.
Parents and their childless-by-choice allies say they are offended by the term childfree because to them it means that we hate kids. But, “the math just isn’t mathing” on that reasoning, as the kids say. Just because I don’t want a cat doesn’t mean I hate cats. Having a cat is not essential to our society’s human replenishment program and programming. Especially when it comes to ostracizing female humans, we aren’t told we’re worthless without cats. But misogyny lurks around every corner, so even childfree women with cats are stereotyped and shamed as undesirable and crazy. Being an adult or, let’s face it, a human at any age who refuses to procreate goes against the norms of society.
When parents and their allies insist childfree people hate children or have some negative feelings towards children, I say with a nod to both Shakespeare and a childfree look at true crime: “Me thinks the parents doth protest too much!” and stranger danger is a myth. It’s the parents that kids have to worry about, not us. Statistically, children will be hated and harmed by their parents and those closest to them first. And after seeing how parents freaked out during covid lockdowns trapped with their kids, it’s obvious they don’t relish their company much either.
The debate around the term childfree is no surprise. It is a way to destabilize a movement, a community, an identity, and an idea that is important, powerful, wonderful, and liberating — and long overdue. And what better way to destabilize, defang and declaw a movement than to tell us what we should call ourselves? My take on the term childfree: I love it, and it is perfect for me because it says exactly what I’m free from, and that’s children. These parents and their allies are intentionally misunderstanding it and deliberately trying to be offended by it because they know that the idea of wanting to be free from parenthood is a challenge to their lifestyle and demands a re-evaluation of their life choices. Not being celebrated for their choice to have kids is a hard pill for most parents to swallow. When they see the term childfree, which doesn’t mean a weekend or date night without the kids, they throw a fit. Pretty childish if you ask me. Pun intended. The misunderstanding and butt-hurt parents and their allies are deliberately messing with the terms. By design, the confusion is disseminated (pun intended) to destabilize our movement and identities.
Once Upon a Time, we called ourselves childless, and the people who are now offended by the term childfree were OK with that because being less or missing the thing they’ve chosen as a gift in their lives makes them feel superior and reinforces the pronatalist norms of society. So, of course, they want the good old days back. But our childfree, time has come and we’re not going back.
If I cared about offending people, I wouldn’t be a childfree sista! And if you spend your adult life trying to be understood and accepted by everyone, especially when your freedom of choice challenges their assumptions and normalcies, I’ll tell you what I think when someone has a baby: Good luck with that!
My favorite thing about the term childfree is that it makes people think. Even if it offends them, annoys them, or confuses them when we tell them what it means to us, at least we made you look, and I hope we made you think.
Catch ChildfreeSista on the new podcast, And the Cradle Will Fall: A Childfree Look at True Crime. Available now on Childfree Media podcast.
