Violence Ends Here: The Power of Responsive Parenting in Bolivia
It is said that in life, there are three things you can’t take back: a word after it’s said, a moment after it’s missed, and time after it’s gone.
That lesson recently weighed heavily on the minds of a group of parents in Oruro, Bolivia. Oruro, a vibrant city in the country’s western highlands whose name means “where the sun is born,” is best known for its whimsical carnival celebrations. Poverty is widespread in the city, which is also home to one branch of ChildFund Bolivia’s Responsive Parenting Program.
This child protection program uses games, roleplay and other engaging activities to teach positive disciplinary practices to parents and other primary caregivers. ChildFund’s approach acknowledges that family is the first protective environment and that parents shape their children’s earliest experiences. We work to build parents’ practical skills, guide them in their own personal development, and help them embrace their role as positive forces in their children’s lives.
For Tatiana, a mother of three, the program has been life-changing.
“I used to get stressed with my children,” she says. “I used to scream and give orders. But I learned not to yell, and that I must be patient, give them love and play with them at least one hour a day.”
Stress is a fact of life in impoverished communities like Tatiana’s. Upwards of 40 percent of the parents enrolled in the Responsive Parenting Program only finished primary school. Most of them labor as bricklayers or street vendors, and many have at least five children to care for. Under such pressure to get by, many of them are at risk of repeating the harsh disciplinary practices they learned from their parents and grandparents — practices that often tip toward abuse. These habits perpetuate aggression that children tend to imitate when they grow up and become parents themselves. It’s the pervasive, multi-generational kind of violence the Oruro program is working to end.
In a recent class activity, each parent received a red paper heart and some modeling clay. The facilitator asked the parents to think about everything they love about their children while sculpting images of them inside the heart. In a moment of parenting pride, the participants shared the clay children — and their loving thoughts — around the room.
On a separate piece of paper, parents were then asked to write some of the things they say about their children when they are frustrated, angry or tired — the words shouted within the walls of their homes that no one else is supposed to hear.
Finally, they were asked to share these words out loud. Each time someone gave voice to their negativity, all the parents used a pin to gouge and drag through their clay children. Before long, the figures were scarred with deep cuts from head to toe. The colors were blended where they shouldn’t be, the faces barely recognizable.
This powerful exercise demonstrated how even verbal violence can damage a child, scrambling their sense of identity and leaving them vulnerable to problems throughout youth and adulthood. Afterward, the parents reflected on strategies for nonviolent discipline and positive encouragement.
This is just one example of the ways the Responsive Parenting Program, which also includes training in early childhood development, nutrition and other parenting essentials, is empowering caregivers to support their children’s physical, social, emotional and cognitive development.
“For me, it is not easy to be in both mother and father roles,” says Doris, a single mother who attended the class. “It is very hard. My family mistreated me, and I was going to do the same. But once I started coming here, I learned many things. This is helping me a lot because now I talk to my children. Now, they can understand me too. I speak with my 2-year-old daughter — I explain things to her, what is good and what is bad.”
Another participant, 18-year-old Jacqueline, isn’t a mother, but she serves as the primary caregiver for her little brother while her parents work. “This helps us a lot to understand and teach our children better,” she says of the classes. “It’s a different way than our parents used to educate us. Now, I will know how to teach my own children!”
Tatiana, Doris and Jacqueline know firsthand that an investment in parents and families is an investment in children. When caregivers are empowered to handle their emotions in healthy ways, transmuting their natural love for their children into a warm, protective home environment, the cycle of violence can end with them.
Reporting by Nicole Duciaume, sponsor relations manager for ChildFund’s Americas region, and Abraham Marca, communications officer for ChildFund Bolivia.
