There I was,
consumed by darkness.
It was swallowing me whole.
I was bathing in it.
At the lowest I ever thought I’d be and nobody wanted to save me —
No one thought that they should.
I was broken in more ways than a person should’ve been.
I was fading,
losing breath,
disappearing.
But then you swooped in,
a light.
A reassuring hand,
a belly laugh,
a warm embrace.
And I wanted you/that for myself.
Thought that I deserved it.
I remember laughing,
looking at you,
thinking “damn, look at him”
Look at myself in his eyes.
One morning I woke up to a feeling as
if someone had pulled out the stopper from the drain.
Somehow, all that I was,
ended up in your hands.
Manipulating me,
Using me,
Fucking me when it was convenient for you.
I remember loving you so much,
I wrecked myself — all while you watched.
I was giving you the ammunition, thinking
you’d keep me safe.
But, you loaded up the gun and aimed straight for my chest.
Repeatedly shot then shit on me,
the one person who never wanted to see you hurt.
Who would’ve given up mine just so you could live your life — happy.
Loving you.
Loving you made me happy.
WE WERE SOMETHING, had it.
I saw it all in your eyes.
You got scared,
and somewhere down the line… I did too.
Yet instead of telling me that the love you had didn’t last,
you broke me back down into a million pieces.
And so here I am,
Consumed by darkness,
its swallowing me whole and I am bathing in it.
Im at the lowest, the place that I never thought I’d be with you.
And nobody thought to save me, because no one,
not one
…really could.
