You can still be what you want to
But dare to be who you are.
How many times can we change our mind ? How many dreams can chase the day ? How many people will we love ? How many memories make a life worth living ?
I had a dream. I don’t really know if it was one, or if it was this achievable thing we call purpose. One of these things which we call purpose because one needs. We have to have purposes. Move forward. Build a life.
So, I had a dream. I wanted to be a mum. I wanted a baby. I wanted to love an undeniable love.
But one day, I get pregnant. Suddenly, I was so close to the goal. I was close to be what I wanted to be. This day changed the course of my life, because I realized that I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready to be what I wanted to be, for a unique reason.
I had never chosen. I had never chosen ‘who’ I wanted to be.
For 3 years now, I tried in many ways to figure out who I wanted to be and my own way to live the only life I have. I questioned everything : the jobs I do, the people I meet, the place I live in, the love I need.
I traveled often, I worked a lot, I doubted sometimes, I tried always but I never rest. I never stopped.
Slowly, I learned how to react to things, how to trust the flow, how to quit changes and experiences for the love of balance and routine.
I did it. I lived it. I get through discovering places, meeting people, embracing journeys, believing wisdom. I lost people, things, even some part of myself. I quit who I was for who I am. And I grew up.
Sometimes in life, we brave waves. We live the unexpected and finally things calm down. Things fall apart so that other things can come together.
My storm is over. I work 5 days a week, I live in the same city since 6 months without any travel plans, I fall in love again, I know who I am. From now, I want more. I wandered and now, I am ready to be what I want. Whatever it may be. I don’t want to screw up the picture that I have in my head. I want building my everything.
Sometimes, I am afraid of what I want. I am afraid to choose, despite of these past years doing it. Sometimes, I miss the storm, the unexpected and I am afraid of not having it back if I choose. I miss the wondering years and I wish it could go on forever.
How many times can we change our mind ? How many dreams can chase the day ? How many people will we love ? How many memories make a life worth living ?
As always, I questioned myself. Why should we worry about what we want ? Why we sometimes are so worrying we don’t even listen ?
The wondering years are ahead. That is of our responsibility to question things, to thrive, to expand and to grow up. We simply forget.
These days, when adventure, nature, new experiences, cities and people miss me, something whispers inside me :
“You can still be what you want to”
You can and you would, always. You just have to know who you want to be.
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You may enjoy reading “I started with everything”, “Be entrepreneur of your own life” or “Stop being, Start feeling”.
