Do I Leave My Kids to Row an Ocean?
By Helen Butters
When the opportunity came to row 3,000 nautical miles across the Atlantic Ocean with three other mums from school, my children, Lucy and Henry then 13 and 10 were at the forefront of my mind. I knew that for the next 2.5 years my life would be engulfed by planning, training and preparing for the row with then a further 3 months away at sea.
At 40 I had an urge to learn a new skill so decided to learn to row — this activity really scared me as I didn’t really like water and was not a strong swimmer. But by taking myself out of my comfort zone I met 3 other amazing women and we had fun every Saturday morning. Frances then popped the question about us entering one of the toughest challenges on the planet. Rowing from La Gomera to Antigua. My initial reaction was yes yes yes what an opportunity. Then I realised I was a mum, a wife and a professional with a job. How could I walk away from all of that for at least 3 months???? How could I find the time to train, both physically and mentally, and raise over £100,000 to get to the start line. We didn’t have any money, or time: We had to make both.
I mooted the idea to my husband and children. My husband was a definite no. How would we survive without your income? How would I cope with working and looking after the children? You could die doing this — it is really dangerous. The children however, felt differently. This is really cool mum, what an opportunity, you HAVE to do this. I was reading a book by an ocean rower Roz Savage who rowed across the Atlantic. One night I noticed the book was missing and found it by the bed side of my 10 year old. I panicked should I let him read it ??– the book was dramatic and didn’t sugar coat what happened to Roz and the horrendous conditions she found herself in. I made the decision to let him read it: Henry then presented me with what we now call “Henry’s List” He wrote a list of everything I needed to take with me. Flap Jack, rowing gloves, ocean friendly shampoo (should have listened to that one will explain later!)
When Henry presented me with the list, this was my permission to go for it. As a family we never looked back.
As we get older and turn from children into adults something definitely shifts: we start being negative, we start questioning, making excuses as to why we can’t do something — no is our automatic default — this happens without us even noticing.
When visiting schools before our row that really became apparent. Four mums standing in a school assembly telling our story about our Atlantic row — the kids were so excited, the questions were vibrant, there was no doubt in their minds that we were not going to do this. When we did talks at corporate events it was a completely different story, are you mad? what do your husband’s think? are they allowing you to do this? this is dangerous…
I involved the children in the whole preparation. We are also the first women to row across the North Sea. We met some amazing inspirational people doing this challenge, one being Perfecto Sanchez from New York! The other competitors have such positive and can do mindset. I wanted my kids to absorb all this positive energy. We also met some inspirational people who just wanted to get involved in any way they could to get us to the start line. We were blown away by all the support — we simply couldn’t have done it without them. For me this was not just mum doing a challenge but it was teaching my kids that if you have a dream even with all the obstacles you think are in your way, if you really want to do something you can — the key is you really have to WANT to do it –that’s the rub.
The biggest gift I can give my kids is the confidence that if their mum can do this THEY can do anything. It does back fire on them, however, when I am getting them up for school as they can’t moan at me that they are tired. On the Atlantic we only ever slept for 1.5 hours at a time and then had to do a 2 hour rowing shift!!!! This was 24 hours a day for 67 days 5 hours and 2 minutes.
Back to my hair — I could cope with 40 foot waves, a hurricane, sleep deprivation and being on high alert for 24 hours a day in extreme circumstances where capsize could have happened at any point. What I couldn’t cope with was greasy hair! I decided I couldn’t touch it so put it in a bun and covered it with a bandanna — I pretended I didn’t have hair for the trip…. Big mistake… When I got to Antigua I had the biggest dreadlocks anyone had ever seen even the Antiguan’s. I was very close to having my hair shaved, but whilst sitting in the hairdressers with the shaver poised. An angel came to my rescue, yet another stranger who wanted to help. This was Jessica who was a chef on a super yacht. “Are you one of those Yorkshire women who have rowed across the Atlantic?” yes look at my hair! She then said “I’m going to sort your hair!” she phoned all her friends and set up a rota to unpick my hair — using a one of her cooking skewers and 9 hours over 3 days — my hair was saved. I am now so glad this happened. I spent a lovely time with Jessica talking, getting to know her, and I can now say she is a friend for life and still talk to her regularly.
This challenge has taught me so much: we can push ourselves further than we ever think we can go and in this dangerous world of terror we find ourselves in, do you know what? The majority of human beings are kind, generous, and just want to help.
About the Author
Helen Butters is married with two children and lives in York, England. Aside from being a mom, she has led on communications in the NHS for both provider and commissioning organizations for the last 25 years.
Helen is currently the Marketing and Social Media Lead at Yorkshire Rows Adventures, and was instrumental in designing the communication plan for the successful Yorkshire Rows campaign and crossing of the Atlantic Ocean in 2015/16. In her spare time, she loves learning new skills. After learning to row five years ago, and then rowing across the Atlantic Ocean, she now has her sights set on climbing a very big mountain!
To read more about Helen’s rowing adventure, check out her book here: http://amzn.to/2tr1Pwl
Brain Freeze is a series of stories by parents that celebrates the candid moments in which their children ask the most unexpected questions. The series is sponsored by Chloe’s Fruit, a brand of frozen treats made from only three ingredients: fruit, water, and a touch of organic cane sugar. Follow Brain Freeze for more stories, and sign up to receive coupons for Chloe’s Pops in your inbox.
