Be YourSelf & Conscience[1]
One proverb that has gained recent ground is Oscar Wilde’s ‘Be Yourself — Everyone Else is Taken’. The statement ‘be yourself’ has become somewhat of a mantra in our society.
People use it daily to make all kinds of judgements: standing up against peer pressure, breaking free from the corporate rat race, finding passion, and overcoming the need to be just like the Jones.
Unfortunately, such thinking is not practical — or even sensical. First off, Oscar Wilde was an outlier.
He, by no means, was like everyone else.
He led an exciting and rebellious life and died too young. He also produced a fantastic range of literature comprising novels, plays, and poetry. More than a hundred years after his death, his work continues to be reproduced and enjoyed around the world[2]. Sadly, most us will never be like Oscar Wilde. If we were all like the playwright, he himself would lose his uniqueness and outlier-status.
This is by no means suggesting that you should be like everyone else or that everyone should compete ruthlessly to become the latest Human 6.0+ version 8.66.0.76.
However, to simply quote ‘be yourself’ as the world greatest problem solver is at best lazy.
Ironically, as we all chase the ideals of being our true selves — which magically transforms to the realization of happiness — such consequences make us intrinsically less unique and more like everyone else.
This short paper intends not to condemn Wilde’s famous line or the manta ‘be yourself’, but rather aims to name some of the challenges of applying such advice. Such thinking has been universally accepted, but poorly applied — for good reason.
It argues that individuals should try to be the best versions of themselves and concentrate rather on making themselves proud as an alternative to ‘being themselves’.
The Individual
In the past, whenever a friend or an acquaintance told me to be myself, I had reflexively always asked myself “well, who I am?” I used to think I was stupid, or, at least, alone in suffering from this, yet this question interrogates the heart of the problem.
To think that we are one unitary being is absurd.
People are complex, multifaceted, and not at all static.
Daily our bodies keep transforming. I do not have the energy or endurance I had ten years ago. On the other hand, I am experiencing the highest levels of determination I have had since I was 14–16 years old.
It can be argued that the notion of being yourself is intended more as a recommendation for personality and behaviour in accordance with personality. Yeah! As if our personalities were way more consistent and less volatile. For example, some days I get up before my alarm goes off and tick off most of my daily goals in half the day. Sometimes, I go through insanely rough patches of insomnia[3], and just getting myself to eat breakfast is extremely strenuous. As mentioned earlier, though I am experiencing high levels of motivation, these tend to oscillate between being extremely high and a kind of sewer-rat low. Furthermore, when I think about things I have done in the past, my levels of cringe break the maximum threshold. On the other hand, I do have moments where I am quite astounded at what I have done or reacted and give myself a kind of pat on the shoulder.
Our moods and personalities are shapeshifting.
Saying ‘be yourself’ is lazy. It makes the mistake of believing that we are one unitary being, ignoring our volatile mood swings, a personality of debilitating character flaws (see Humanising Evil) and rewarding characters strengths, and a history of foolish mistakes and the attainment of ordinary, but inspirational achievements.
There is continuous conflict with the various versions of yourself. If you think can simply be yourself, think again. You are not just one thing. Thus, there is no entire, true being. There is a person made up of a variety of sensations, body functions, emotions, always in the state of continuous change.
Rumi’s sums this up, “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop”.
The Collective
Naval Ravikant tweeted that the group seeks consensus. Nietzsche, in Beyond Good and Evil, is far more negative claiming that the collective wants obedience. While the truth probably lines at some vague point between the two ideas[4], this tendency poses a huge problem for the individual.
The mantra ‘be yourself’ actually relates most to this issue: the friction between the individual and the collective.
In other words, this statement is trying to tell a person to act in line with their true character in social contexts. And once again, this advice is a remedy that fall short of offering true in-depth assistance.
As already mentioned, there is no true version of a person. Having said that, when alone, you can act more in line with your desires and needs. For instance, if I am alone, I can read or watch what I want. If I have a task I want to work on, no problem, I can do it. Nothing gets in my way.
In group situations, there is always a conflict of such desires, needs and objectives.
Generally, the dominant desires of the group will direct what occurs, but, in the end, no one really gets what they want — even the leader or dominant personally (who is not always who you think) makes sacrifices. We may think the leader will always get his way, but sometimes, if this leader acts too out line he will be kicked out.
The problem is there is contention between the individual trying to belong, while trying to fulfill some of his or her own objectives etc.
Sadly, we are one of the most social creatures on the planet. It would be naïve to think that any person does not suffer this this conflict. The propensity of alcohol and recreational drug abuse seems to indicate this to be the case. Truthfully, I am not painting the picture as a detached observer of this behaviour. Instead my past shows otherwise. Theo Von in an interview with Jordan Peterson recently explains that instead of learning how to socialize effectively, most people use alcohol to medicate their social anxiety.
Humans will continue to endure social anxiety and the attraction of medicating themselves in such circumstances as long as we continue to social creatures.
However, the situation is not totally dismal. When there is a rather important social event like a birthday party or religious ceremony, people dress up and try to behave in a way pleasing manner. They seek confirmation that they belong to society — and you may judge this to be a bad thing, but we are social creatures. We are not like snakes who eat each other. When we dress up, we show the best versions of ourselves to society. We make the statement that we are putting an effort to belong. Personally there are people— and I used to be this kind of person — who believe themselves above making any effort to be presentable for a social event and rather shows up in clothes not suitable for a dump. These people are making the statement that they will parade their worst version and everyone else much just be content with that. Of course, there are those who are suffering from all kinds of extreme debilitation — like me during my bouts of insomnia where I barely leave bed — and naturally these are justified, but it is not the same as the individual who does not care at all.
The Japanese philosophy of Ikigai acknowledges how tricky it is truly difficult to lead a life where you stay true to your individualism but manage to belong harmoniously to society.
The above Ikigai diagram shows how the individual has numerous aspects such as passion and aptitudes to balance with utility and collective survival.
To align all differing factors is not simple feat, but when such an accomplish occurs, it is one of the probably one of the profoundest things any individual could experience.
Of course, this happens to be true with any achievement. If something is difficult to obtain, it is likely to be priceless and of the utmost worth.
Make YourSelf Proud
Though society is often flooded with the message ‘be yourself’, this mantra is overly simplistic and so cliché that it is almost disposable.
So as long as humans remain social creatures, individuals will face continuous conflict with the group like the ebb and flow of the tide. Neither are right, neither are wrong.
At times, the individual will need to put pressure on society to reforms its ways like with Gandhi’s Salt March to a pacifist approach. However, the collective, will in the majority of cases punish the individuals when they step out of line. This exists in the very fabric of all modern society with the implementation of legal, penal, and disciplinary systems.
Fortunately, every individual has a force so strong within them that guides them to strike such a balance.
Though, it is impossible to follow’s conscience completely, the conscience is the only thing telling us what not to do. It criticizes us for procrastinating and not taking steps to achieve our goals, but at the same time, warns us of saying or doing harm against people in our intimate circles. Furthermore, the conscience has another responsibility.
It is only guiding light telling us what we need to do, even if it will upset the status quo or involves challenging ourselves in a way that we never anticipated.
I would like to close with this point. Instead of simply wanting to ‘be yourself’, rather try to be the best version of yourself. Naturally, it is a utopian notion to believe that everyone could pull this off.
Nevertheless, being the best version of yourself and making yourself proud is probably the purest and rewarding application of the ‘be yourself’ attitude.
List of sources
1. Naval Ravikant https://nav.al/
2. Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil
3. Theo Von Clips, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cYuWLZI5kw&list=PLpyN6PHPSGesVJP4yHIx2EscfSuVuBHkg&index=6
4. Peter Hess, Inverse https://www.inverse.com/article/49624-do-snakes-eat-each-other
5. History.com https://www.history.com/topics/india/salt-march
6. Success Archive https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRKwNEI2nmo
Notes
[1] It was not completely relevant to the article, but the possessive ‘your-’ and reflexive pronoun form ‘-self’ create the concept of belonging to oneself. As discussed later, if we can align ourselves properly we can truly belong to ourselves. The idea of ‘be yourself’ could be the permanent state of always being able to belong to ourselves. Personally, this creates a profoundly beautiful notion which is spiritually satisfying.
[2] Recently, I met a young lady from Medina, Saudi Arabia who was for personal enjoyment was reading The Importance of Being Ernest.
[3] Right now, I am going through a rough period of insomnia 😊.
[4] This can be subject to change depending on the nature of the social event and the group involved in the social circumstances.
