What I Gained From Downsizing In South Korea, An Unexpected Gift.
Like many of you, the corona virus was a sucker punch from life. Within weeks my successful English coaching business, SpeakingSpec that I had built over the last 5 years was nothing more than scraps of paper hanging on the advertisement boards. Empty halls, an empty classroom, and an emptying wallet. I tried going the route of video coaching but in 5 months not a single new lead. Clients preferred classes in person, so many dropped and I knew it was over. My heart suddenly felt heavy when I wrote that last sentence. Have you ever felt afraid of letting go of your job or business? That its hard to say goodbye to something even when you know its over? And felt like you just didn’t want to accept it? How did you process that?
This business was like an old friend. It helped me get me back on my feet when I was recovering from Lyme Disease treatment and couldn’t work a normal job. It held my hand as I stumbled forward wondering what purpose there was in life after I lost my health and hope. It was there feeding me and holding me as I sat alone and lonely at the table. It was there when I started the first private girls soccer club in Korea, a legacy that still is ongoing. It was there cheering me on when I took the leap of faith (or insanity) to start a bacon business in Korea. And it was there when I met the one I love.
I am afraid to let it go. It was and is a dear friend that has been a part of me and I haven’t had the courage to let it go.
This loss of my business has been hard on my ego as I go through the process of mourning and accepting the new normal that will become my life.
As I said in the title the loss of my business brought an unexpected gift to my door. I needed to downsize. I have wanted to move but couldn’t because of the difficulties in finding a place that separated living quarters from my teaching space.
The utilities of my current studio is insane. The building management fees combined with old fridge and AC has taken huge bites out of my savings every month and especially during summer. I think usually utilities in USA is about 20% of your rent, give or take. On average it was about 45% of rent for me. But in summer time utilities can be almost 1.5 times more expensive than rent. Let’s put my Korean apartment in USA terms and say my place rents for $2,000 in California. Utilities would be about $800 a month. In summer my utilities would sky rocket to $3,500. But now that my English business is closing it’s door I no longer need to stay. Yes, it is time to move for sure.
Ironically right as I am about to sign a contract on a new place and leave my business behind I am contacted once again. 5 new clients want to start all within the last 3 days. But they all want in person classes and that is a thing of the past. It feels like I am being tempted. Maybe cruelly pranked. Or maybe, a parting gift of recognition.
It is time to move on and let it go. For those precious years, for my past, it was a good business and a good life. It saved me from the darkest part of life and I feel it encouraging me to move forward to another future. Alone tonight, in the studio that has been my home, the welcoming bright friend is telling me its OK to go. But I don’t want to, even though I know I must. Losing something again, is harder than I imagined it would be and I am afraid to leave the warm embrace of my familiar friend. I can’t help but cry, tears that aren’t silent fall as I whisper goodbye. Goodbye dear friend. Thank you for saving my life and pushing me forward to a brighter future.
안영 내 친구야 💔
