I have a confession to make. I’ve never watched The Mindy Project. I’m very aware of it though. It sounds like a pretty good show, but I only have so many hours in the day, and there’s just so much Mad Men and Game of Thrones to consume!

But I’m aware of The Mindy Project not because I have friends that rave about it.

No, it’s because of this guy, Chris Messina:

Savvy readers will realize that we share the same name. But the similarities seem to end there. He’s hot, dark, sexy, and usually in some state of undress. In contrast, I’m, well… I’m usually wearing clothes. On the internet anyway.

I’ve watched Chris Messina rise from relative obscurity seven years ago in Vicky Cristina Barcelona into a superstud actor/director sexpot vixen. Women love him. Gay men love him. And it’s come at my expense — at least as far as internet fame goes. He’s now the undisputed undisamibiguated canonical Chris Messina on Wikipedia. Meanwhile, you’ll have to look me up in association with the modifier “open source advocate”.

Wow. So. Hot.

Chris Messina and I started to have our first real run-ins on Twitter a few years ago, when he went on Conan O’Brien to talk about his dick:

Since he wasn’t (and still isn’t, sorry ladies!) on social media, I ended up getting all of his @mentions. And trust me, if the internet isn’t the most efficient vector for delivering content related to dicks and misdirected @mentions, I don’t know what is.

Fortunately that lasted only a few days, but it was long enough to screw up searches for my name on Google forever. I mean, consider that chris messina penis actually returns valid results. That’s insane! If you google your name with a “penis” attached, does it return any useful results? Probably not. Exactly.

A SFW image from Google Images query for “Chris Messina’s penis”

It’s funny to me because I’ve worked in digital identity and security and have been so goddamn prudent about what I’ve shared online (or allowed to be shared about me). Yet here’s this guy, with my name, allowing the spread of the loose equivalent of dickpics around the internet. He’s basically been fappening himself since 2013. Cojones man, cojones.

Literally.

So it goes, once again, that Chris Messina is making news, but this time because the aforementioned Mindy Project has apparently been canceled. People are sad:

As I understand it, Chris Messina’s character Danny has been shipped off to India, and that’s that:

Mind you, I don’t watch the show, I just get his @mentions:

#OtherChrisMessina

So. I’ve realized that I need to engage in a public education campaign, to help people learn that I’m not the penile-proliferator of my eponymous actor-friend. Thus, whenever I get a misdirected @mention on Twitter, I simply respond with “#otherchrismessina”, with mixed results:

Then again, maybe it’ll work out after all:

Yea. Hashbags. I could do that. ☺


☞ Let me ask you a favor: if you feel sorry for me or otherwise like #OtherChrisMessina’s penis, hit “Recommend” below. This will validate me, give me self-worth, and make me feel more like a man.

☞ Let’s keep this going: to hear more from me in the future, sign up for my newsletter or follow me on Twitter! Yes, I’m the real @chrismessina.