The relationship implodes; it’s over. There’s anger, frustration, disappointment. Was it me? Did I not meet her needs? Or was it how she could always set me off in a defensive rage with but a shard of accusation in her tone?
But it’s done now. I need to move on. Now’s a time to end the bad habits I picked up and form new ones. I feel like a failure. Like a loser. Got to rebuild my wilting confidence. I’ve gotta start reminding myself who I am and move towards the me I want to become. Everyday. I won’t wallow in this shit.
My password! She knows my fucking password.
How could I be so stupid, so naive? I’m exposed! Vulnerable! I’ve got to change it to something else — something safe. Something strong. Holy shit — I type this stupid thing a dozen times a day! My password will be my mantra!
I open Users & Groups in my System Preferences. Then I go to Google, to Facebook, to Twitter, to Flickr. I know you’re not supposed to use the same password on every site, but this is a good one; this is for me.
One by one, I confirm the change.
Days pass. My spirits lift.
I head back to the gym. Harder. I return to meditating. Better. My confidence returns. Faster. I sign on with a personal trainer. Stronger.