Review: Ma Maison New York State “Champagne”

Ring in the New York with all the elegance of a SUNY undergrad

The clock strikes midnight and you turn to your left. You turn to your right. You find that you’re all alone. Not a soul RSVP’d to your Gatsby-themed soiree, despite the ample notice via Facebook, Paperless Post, and the severed dog’s head you left in their kitchen. Alas, only you get to enjoy the soaring ceilings and majestic archways in this Hudson Valley Estate (which you found on AirBnb). What better way to celebrate your newfound freedom than stripping buck naked and bathing in a wrought-iron tub filled entirely with Ma Maison New York State “Champagne” (N.V., 12% alc by vol).

Sure you can’t actually make “champagne” in New York State, but who will correct you now? The friends who abandoned you? The AirBnb owners you tied up in the closet? The State Trooper who will stop you as you flee the estate-sized blaze you coaxed to life using the crisp apple flavor of this sparkling wine as both an accelerant (both literally and metaphorically)?

What I’m trying to say here is that the last think you should do with this wine is drink it. Seriously. Just. Don’t.

Taste Profile:

Apple schnapps and paint thinner.

Rating: 1/5

On the one hand it tastes toxic, but on the other hand do you really have anything left to live for?

Review Date: 12/31/18

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