40 things I’ve learned in 40 years

Photo via Flickr, Brimstone (CC Licensing).

Today is my 40th birthday, and I felt like I should write something to mark the occasion. I thought about writing a letter to my younger self or just musing about hitting this landmark, with all its complicated thoughts of accomplishment, contentedness and mortality.

Instead, I decided to write down 40 lessons that I’ve learned over these last four decades that have guided me and helped me become the person I am today. I probably don’t embody half of these as much as I should, and some of them are not original to me. But when I feel lost or stuck, these are lessons that point me forward and remind me of what matters.

1. “The most difficult lie I’ve ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me.” — Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
2. One day, I interviewed an Oscar-nominated director. On another, I had my work praised by a high-level executive. I’ve had several long conversations with artists I deeply admire. But I still remember spending a day at Chuck E. Cheese with my son better than all of them.
3. It’s not bad if your faith changes over the years. The danger is if it stays the same.
4. It is harder to make someone laugh than to make someone cry, and infinitely more rewarding.
5. If your faith community is not regularly displaying love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control, find a new faith community.
6. Always institute a 24-hour delay between drafting a heated email/social media post/blog entry and hitting send/publish.
7. (From the TV show “Justified”): “If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
8. Choose collaborators who are more skilled than you. You will naturally push yourself to be better.
9. A glass of wine is ideal for celebrations and good moods, but horrible for anxious days or depressing nights.
10. You will never “make it.” There’s always another obstacle or goal. Just do what you love to the best of your ability, and pledge to keep getting better.
11. “Fake it ’til you make it” is a much better motto than “don’t do anything until you feel like it.”
12. Sex is great, but have you ever had a Reuben from Zingerman’s?
13. There is a “Simpsons” reference for every life situation.
14. Your full-time job may never fulfill you. Use it to fund your passions.
15. God can handle your cursing, your questions and your tears. Your silence is harder to do much with.
16. “No good movie is too long and no bad movie is too short.” — Roger Ebert
17. Life is not about finding yourself or treating yourself, but about giving yourself away to something greater.
18. Complaining is the most damaging sin to indulge.
19. If you can’t find satisfaction and contentment at $20,000 a year, don’t expect it to magically arrive at five times that.
20. Airplanes suck, but sometimes they’re the only way to get to paradise.
21. Your first night with your spouse, your child’s birth and death bed vigils are holy moments.
22. Don’t idolize the famous, rich or influential. Study the person whose motto is “don’t be a jerk.”
23. Work supports your life; it’s not the other way around.
24. “Kids don’t remember what you try to teach them; they remember what you are.” — Jim Henson
25. The goal of marriage isn’t to stop fighting, travel more or be debt-free. It’s to stare into each others eyes in the dusk of life, smile and say “we made it.”
26. What you want to do doesn’t reveal your passion; what you choose to spend your free time doing does.
27. You never know which “hello” will start a lifelong conversation or which “goodbye” is the last.
28. Many things you think are ruining your life are quite possibly saving it.
29. About 95% of the people you think are mad at your or disappointed in you are really just not thinking about you at all.
30. Your 20-year-old self will probably hate your 40-year-old self. Ignore him; he’s just a kid.
31. We all experience brief moments of incomparable, transcendent beauty. Treasure yours, tell it to no one. Cling to it when life seems unbearable.
32. A near-death experience in your twenties changes your perspective quickly.
33. The Muppets are God’s gift to a world in need of joy.
34. Your company isn’t your family, your CEO isn’t your friend. Even the best business will not hesitate to turn you loose for profit.
35. You will never regret doing the right thing, even when it tears you apart.
36. Don’t just be yourself — be the best version of yourself.
37. God is real, religion is complex, faith can’t be easily defined. Your attempts to explain or manage it will only dilute it.
38. Fear is the world’s worst psychic.
39. You’re never ready for what’s next; the preparation is in the doing.
40. In 20 years, I’ll have to revise many of the lessons on this list. That’s okay; I’m just a kid.