Something Bad Happened, It Must Be Climate Change
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Droughts, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, ice storms… The evidence for Climate Change is all around us! One only needs to turn on the nightly news to see any one of dozens of disasters that are plaguing our ailing planet in any given year. Great visionaries like Al Gore, Greta Thunberg, Bill Nye, and others have risen up with one voice to warn the world with the message given to them by The Scientists for the masses, and sometimes we even hear from those with science degrees also.
When we see a tsunami in Southeast Asia we know Western Capitalism is to blame! This is because the increased global atmospheric temperature by even a fraction of a degree causes the tectonic plates to shift deep below the surface of the Earth, causing an earthquake and triggering the deadly tsunami. These tragedies are like nothing ever before seen in the history of The Pacific. Animals and even people are dying as a result.
Some might ask how warm air can cause an earthquake, but they only show their ignorance of The Science when they do.
When a city like New Orleans is devastated by a hurricane, you know that Western White Supremacist economies were the reason. Yes there were hurricanes before, but that really bad one was definitely caused by Climate Change. When lush regions become swallowed by desert, you know that Climate Change is the only possible cause, and no others need to be investigated. When fires ravage the western United States, you know that Climate Change is to blame, and not incompetent government mismanagement. When starfish lose their legs in a wasting disease, and whole coral reefs begin to bleach, it is obvious that Climate Change is the cause, and that racist Science Deniers who talk about microbes and chemicals in sunscreen are only in it for the oil money.
And things are only going to get worse…
The Guardian, as of 2004, predicts that Britain will have a “Siberian climate” by the year 2020. A NASA scientist predicts that the Arctic will be free of sea ice by 2018. Parts of New York City will be underwater by 2019. And by 2018, the Maldives will be completely covered by rising sea levels. Not to mention the fact that The Scientists tell us that the oceans will be “as dead as Lake Erie” by the year 1980. (Predictions linked below.)
This is The Science, and it is very serious. This is why the great Bill Nye the Science Guy indicated that we should consider jailing Climate Deniers on the basis of fraud. After all, people who deny Climate Change when there is clear evidence all around us are clearly committing fraud, and causing harm to the lives of other people.
Sure, it turned out that starfish are being attacked by microbes, and sunscreen is causing coral bleaching, but this misses the point! The imbalance in microbial ecosystems and sunscreen were caused by Climate Change — obviously!
While it is true that natural disasters sometimes happened before the Industrial Revolution, on the mostly pristine Earth, things are far worse now than they’ve ever been, disasters are becoming more intense, and the Earth is dying. The TV newsman said so, and he speaks for The Scientists!
When men like Alex Epstein point out that climate deaths around the world are actually going way down, you can ignore their empirical data, because they are obviously biased.
The correlation between carbon dioxide and global temperature is scientifically undeniable, and clearly, correlation is causation. To deny this is to deny Science. The Science says so, and The Science is settled. All The Scientists agree, except those who are biased. Be sure to mark anyone who questions The Science and remember that they no longer count as scientists if they deny it.
So, when you see something bad happen, you know that Climate Change is to blame, just as surely as you know that fracking is the cause when Cindy’s cat loses its hair.
Finally, when you see an atmospheric physicist with an earned doctorate in science and decades of research publications appearing on CNN and contradicting Bill Nye, you can just ignore him. Obviously, he is biased and not worth the time of day. Yes, he has his credentials, and his (earned) doctorate, and his decades of research, and that’s fine, but unlike this professor, Bill Nye used to play a scientist on TV.
When you hear the arguments from such heretics, you know that you can disregard them and believe the great and unbiased United Nations and the scientists who work for government agencies. After all, those who are funded by governments have no bias whatsoever and are only ever interested in scientific truth. We can trust the government scientists. And if anyone tells you to hear scientists on all sides of a scientific debate in order to form a fair and well-rounded understanding of the issues at hand, then you can simply explain to them that one side is right because they are the unbiased side of The Science. The other side is against science, they are not part of the official sources, and they are wrong, even if they have taught science at top universities for decades. But it’s understandable how people can be confused when they don’t understand which are the official sources.
After all, 97% of the Climate Scientists who passed the prescreening of our survey agree with us.
No Scientist who contradicts the official truth of the matter needs to be heard, because if they are denying the official truth of The Science, then they are obviously wrong. Clearly they are on the side of Fascists who just want to prevent you from pledging your unquestioned loyalty to The State. Instead it is important to believe the word of Al Gore, Bill Nye, CNN, and Greta Thunberg, without question, and without hearing the biased testimony of scientists who contradict their sacred message.
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