Adopted by grace
There are almost 400,000 children in out-of-home care, also called foster care, in the United States each day (childrensrights.org). I am honored to say that 3 of my siblings were once in the foster care system. I was the second eldest of four boys born in my family. Growing up with three brothers was hectic and crazy to say the least, everything was a competition, and let’s just say, I am pretty competitive…I even won the competition of who broke the most windows in the house. Even though my parents were overjoyed with our family the way it was, they both felt that our family was not done growing. My mom always wanted to have a big family, and although my dad wasn’t so sure about it at first, God changed his heart and soon enough my dad knew the family wasn’t complete yet either. This is when our family began our journey into foster care. Years later, we have now had six foster children come and live with us, three of whom we have adopted. Through this experience, our family has experienced challenges, loss, sacrifice, and joy, tremendous joy. Each child who walks into our home brings a story with them, and more often than not, they are stories that they have no control over and have fallen completely victim to. The children who come into our home are beautiful, but broken. The families from which they have come are not in a position to give them the care and love that they need- which is something that I have never experienced. See there are two sides to foster care, the old and the new. We are the “new family,” and in reality, possibly one of many “new families.” This child is coming from an old family, and whether it was good or bad in their perception, it was all they knew until being put into foster care.
Sometimes it is easy to think, what a great service we are doing for this child, they will never want to go back home. We get caught up in the romanticized perception of having a new kiddo in the house to love and take care of. Being excited and passionate about fostering is definitely not wrong, but being caught up in only the happy ending we are giving them is not reality. This very well may not be that child’s happy ending, and the place that they came from was their home. Sometimes we forget that even if their home was bad, it was still a family and a home that they have been abruptly removed from. Our excitement is over their tragedy. My second to youngest sibling, 8-year-old Ashton, still talks about his birth mom. His birth mother died from an over dose while they were staying with us as fosters. He remembers her well, he talks about her, and although I know he loves us, he misses her deeply. On the other hand, his birth sister, 6-year-old Kiersten, doesn’t have the slightest recollection of life before us, we are all she knows, and she has been integrated into our family unscathed from a previous family. Ashton is burdened by the loss of his mother and carries it with him. These are things that as caring for children, we have to keep in mind. The older they get, the more knowledge, experiences, memories, and burdens they bring in with them.
Yet still we romanticize. We picture this cute kiddo coming into our home, we feed them, do fun things with them, give them memories and love on them, and hope that their family gets their act together and can learn to do the same by the time the next court date rolls around. But the reality is that the kids are not always so easy to love, we are not always so loving, and their original homes aren’t always so quick to turn things around. The children who come through those doors are broken. I still believe in the saying “there are no such thing as bad kids, just bad parents.” However, I also believe that we are born into sin. I know that this becomes controversial because then we must ask ourselves the question, what happens if a baby dies? Does the child go to heaven or hell? Nonetheless, I believe the bible tells us that we are sinners by nature and apart from Jesus Christ we are deserving of death. Psalm 51:5 says, “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me.” Romans 5:12–13 says, “Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned. For sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law.” In summary Paul writes in Romans 5:18, “therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men.” Adam’s condemnation led to the condemnation of all men, which I believe means we are born with a sinful nature, in other words, being sinful is not something we have to learn.
When foster children came into our home in the beginning, I was shocked by their behavior. The children were disrespectful to my parents, they would throw tantrums, sometimes lasting up to 3 hours. They would hit, and scream and say words that I didn’t even know existed until I was 13! Initially did not know how to process why the kids would act the way they did, and I grew impatient with their poor behavior. It was not until God showed me that I wasn’t any different than them that I could understand what it was that they needed. The needed love and grace, just like me. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” God is so faithful to love us and discipline us when we need. He is forgiving and patient with us even when we are so painfully stubborn and disobedient. I believe foster care is a beautiful example of our relationship with Christ. We come from brokenness, and when we become a part of the body of Christ, we carry in that baggage with us. We carry in our bad habits and selfish way, our stubbornness and the consequences from our past and present sins. Yet God isn’t surprised. He knows us and loves us just the same.
Stephen Grunlan in his book Christian Perspectives on Sociology, stresses the importance of a stable family. In his chapter on marriage and family, Grunlan expresses the importance of “children needing a home and two parents,” (pg 179). Grunlan later goes on to say how great of an impact having an unstable family can have on a child. I have had the opportunity to witness this first hand. God gives parents a tremendous responsibility to take care of their children. When parents fail to do this correctly, it has a catastrophic impact on the children.
The foster care system has given me a greater appreciation for not only my parents and family, but also my God. The system has broken my heart for these kids that are lost in such a sinful world. We truly serve a God of second chances. Just like my family has had the opportunity to give some kids a second chance in many ways, God has given us a second chance. Although we are sinners He has aloud us to humble ourselves and become one of His children. Ephesians 1:4–5 says, “even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will.”
The beauty of this story is that God doesn’t run from our brokenness, He embraces it. He knows EXACTLY who and what we are, and yet He chooses us. This is the beauty of grace, and the beauty of “adoption.” Every time I see my sister Ericka, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and autism when she came into our family, I see the miracle of God’s grace and healing, as now she is the kindest, most well behaved, and pleasant girl you will ever meet- with not a single trace of the disorders that she was once labeled as. I see in her, how God takes us in, and makes us new. How he makes broken things, just like you and I, beautiful.
Work Cited
Grunlan S. (Ed.). Christian Perspectives on Sociology. Reprint edition, Eugene, OR:
Wipf & Stock Pub. 2001.
