Changing the World Begins With You
Everywhere we turn today, around the world, we see examples of humanity at its worst. There are examples of hatred, fear, exclusion, prejudice, division, hurt and violence. The list could go on. When discussing these things, people can be heard to speak of the “good old days” or question how our world could have come to this. Heads shake, tears are shed or anger raises its ugly head. Many people are spurred on to find answers in response to the things we see around us. Guns are purchased and carried, people shut themselves up in their homes, defenses are put up and strong opinions are shared about how the government should be run in order to make our world a better place.
An example of the random violence that has recently occurred is the shooting at the Jewish Synagogue in Pittsburg this weekend. According to USA Today, a man walked into The Tree of Life Congregation Synagogue and killed 11 people. Six additional people were injured. During his attack that lasted 20 minutes, he is said to have shouted hate for Jews. He has been taken into custody. During the investigation, police found the same sort of attitude against Jewish people on his online posts. This terrible attack, which occurred in a place of worship, is all the more awful because when people go to church they expect to be in a holy, safe place. It causes tremors though out all faith communities and beyond. People begin to question whether any place can be safe if churches are now under attack.
I too have asked and am asking the question, how has our country gotten to the place that we are today? How have we become a place that seems filled with hate, fear, and violence? I am in my mid-forties, and as I look back, I do not remember a time such as this in my lifetime. I would guess that those who have lived through World War 1 and 2 could probably speak differently. The difference, I would say, it that the hateful attitude and violence is not coming to us from outside of America. It is coming from the people within the borders of our country. If you turn on the news, you hear a rhetoric of hate, exclusion, discrimination, unacceptance of different ethnicities, disrespecting women and promotion of guns and force. This question needs to be followed up with another. How can this negative spiral can be turned around?
To look at the first question, I wonder whether social media could be partially to blame. I say this because in our current internet-based society, people are very disconnected from each other. It seems like this would not be so because of forums like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat where we are “connected” in an instant. In fact, this is not true connection. According to Michael Formica, a writer for Psychology Today, “social media introduces two parallel and paradoxical elements — false intimacy and social distance.” When we are on social media, we are looking at a screen, it cannot be the same as having a person in the same room with you. At the same time, social media allows a person to have these “friends” whom we may have never met or may never see because we knew them 20 years ago in high school. It creates a false sense of intimacy. This false sense of intimacy causes us to say things that we would never say to someone or discuss if speaking face-to-face. There is no feedback from a tone of voice, facial expression or other body language so we assume every word we put out there must be acceptable. This causes ideas to be shared and built upon until they become seen as popular and socially acceptable. People’s “likes” on Facebook and Twitter can bolster ideas that would not typically be supported in a small group face-to-face social setting where there is discussion and debate.
This makes sense because it is well known by sociologists that the core of our social learning comes from being part of small groups. In these groups, says Winston Johnson in the book Christian Perspectives on Society, people “develop sets of interpersonal likes and dislikes that affect how members deal with each other.” These primary groups begin with our immediate family, and as we grow older, branch out to secondary groups made up of people we have things in common with. In these groups we learn how to communicate by speaking, listening and learning body language. They are also a place to safely learn how to deal with conflict. Members of groups influence each other, hold each other accountable, have a purpose for their interaction and communicate face-to-face. With the increase in use of social media, this type of face-to-face communication and socialization are dwindling. On any night of the week, many people are opting for staying home in comfy clothes chatting on the computer, rather than venturing out to social gatherings with true human interaction.
At the same time this change in our culture is occurring, more people are professing to being lonely. The magazine Fortune reports that a nationwide survey of 20,000 adults was taken by Cigna, a health insurance company. They found that nearly half of the people surveyed feel lonely, with a large part of that number being young people. They report feeling isolated, without companionship, or having relationships that are not fulfilling. The article contributes this loneliness to social isolation.
The church has a good example for combating social isolation. Beginning with Jesus when he called his 12 disciples, small groups have been used to teach and disciple others, creating koinonia, also known as close fellowship. This koinonia, according to sociologists, can only be found in small face-to-face groups. Many churches have small group ministries or even choose to build their congregational life around small groups. In these groups, there is a learning of community, commitment, respect, and discussion of difficult topics, as well as the practical learning in studying scriptures. In every aspect of the group’s life together, they are learning how to relate in a more mature and healthy way. Then, when interacting with people beyond their group, they take the lessons that have been learned and apply them to society as a whole. This small group model promotes personal, relational and spiritual growth. It also shows that face-to-face interaction is far more valuable and growth-producing in us as people than any social media platform.
This leads to an answer when asking the next question of what we can do about the negative spiral we see around us. You and I. What do I mean by that? I share with you something that keeps coming to mind. If you want to see change in the world, it needs begin with you. The type of change that we are addressing will not come from government reform or programs put into place. Changing the atmosphere of our country from disrespectful to respectful, hateful to loving, not accepting to accepting can only come from the interaction each person has every day with the persons they come in contact with. It starts with you, and it starts with me. We have so much more influence upon the culture around us than we can begin to imagine. Little choices made every day combat the negative messages we are hearing all around us.
One thing we can practically do is to be aware of what is going on around us. Notice if people are having difficulty, looking sad, uncomfortable or alone. Recognize if prejudice or discrimination is occurring. So many people are busy looking down at their phones they do not see beyond the screen in front of them. Look up, look around, and take life in. Learn from what you see and let it effect you at a heart level.
This will lead us to the second thing that we can do. Step out and do something. If you are walking down the street and see someone struggling to carry groceries, stop and offer to help. If a person looks sad or discouraged, give them a hello and a smile. If the cashier looks rushed, say thank you and wish them a good day. If the line is long, be patient and don’t complain. Befriend those that are different than you instead of looking down on the differences. Recognize that we are all made differently with our own unique gifts, talents and personalities. Everyone has their own story and we don’t know what is going on under the surface of their lives. We can be a friend and be there for our friends. Respect, kindness, honesty, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are attitudes which will never lead us wrong.
The third thing that we can do is to speak out. When we see injustice happening, speak out. When we see prejudice or discrimination, speak up. Stand on the side of mercy and justice with persons who have no one to speak for them. Love and support others as you would hope they would love and support you. Doing this can be difficult and place us at odds with family and friends. Making a difference is never easy. Being a voice against the hateful, negative voices all around us is down right hard. Many will speak against it. Many will treat this attitude with scorn and derision. This does not sound like something anyone would want to do, but I ask you, has it ever been as necessary as it is now?
If we are unhappy with the direction our country is going in its attitudes and actions, it is up to us to change it from within. If each person reading this influences the persons in their peer group to interact in a kinder, more understanding way, think of the reach this kindness movement could have. Each person needs to decide how important it is to them and to what degree of involvement they are willing to take part in. Let us, together, work against the spiral of hate that is swirling around us and take our country on a new course toward understanding and togetherness.
References
May, Ashley. “Pittsburgh Synagogue Shooting: What We Know, Questions That Remain.” USA Today, Gannett Satellite Information Network, 29 Oct. 2018, www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/10/29/pittsburgh-synagogue-shooting-what-we-know/1804878002/.
“The False Face of Our Social Media Persona.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/enlightened-living/201010/the-false-face-our-social-media-persona.
“Half of Americans Feel Lonely, Study Finds.” Fortune, fortune.com/2018/05/01/americans-lonely-cigna-study/.
Grunlan, S. (Ed.). (2001). Christian Perspectives on Sociology: (Reprint edition). Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock Pub
