How Should Christians Deal With Loss?
It is a theme you hear about in church sermons, Bible Studies, movies, wars, natural disasters, terminal diseases, murders, terrorist attacks, and that is death. We see the recent events of Las Vegas, 58 people killed and 406 injured. Death is very real and it is all around us, on television, news, online, it feels as if it is everywhere. How do we as Christians handle loss through death?
The reality is, as a society, when we hear about tragedies that take life, on a massive scale, some may not really care, others shake their head, close their eyes, and actually feel something. While others, may be sensitive and compassionate enough to feel pain, and may even shed a tear for strangers that they do not even know. Sometimes, it is as if we are in this imaginative bubble of reality. We realize and know that there are bad things happening around us. Another example are the recent hurricanes that devastated Houston, TX, Florida, and Puerto Rico. The tragic earthquake that killed hundreds in Mexico City, Mexico. Yes, many people are helping and donating, and that is great to see as a society, organizations, ministries, and people reaching out to help those victims in need. That is what we are supposed to do as a society, especially as believers, but as I stated earlier, we know that these things are happening all around us, but in our minds, we feel that those things are very far away from us. Unless, we know someone, or a loved one who was affected by these events.
What I want you to understand is that if you haven’t been affected by losing a loved one by death on any scale, you have been blessed. My question is; What will you do once death pops your imaginative bubble of reality, and everything becomes real in your life? The reason I use this phrase imaginative bubble of reality, is because we sometimes feel as though the tragedies of this world are far from us. Sometimes, we have the mentality of; “I know death and tragedy are out there, but that wouldn’t happen to me.” “That wouldn’t happen to my family or to my loved ones.” “Things of that nature, happen to other families.” “My family, won’t die in a tragic car accident, or from terminal diseases such as cancer, aids, dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, etc.” “That cannot and will not happen to me or my loved ones.”
When a person loses a loved one, everyone reacts differently, which is normal. We need to process and make sense of what does not seem to make sense at that moment. Robert A. Neimeyer describes a young man who just received the news that his wife just died of suicide. He pauses and recalls, “I threw up…It was the most overwhelming emotion I have ever felt (Neimeyer 17). According to Neimeyer, this young man just wanted to take this feeling out of his body. Whether you are a believer or not, you will feel something, and react a certain way when you hear shocking news of a close friend or a loved one who has just passed away.
I am not just writing this piece just to write it. During the time of this writing, I just suffered the loss of my step-father who I loved dearly. He died after two years of battling cancer. He put up a good fight, and died peacefully, with a smile on his face as he transitioned to go with the Lord Jesus. How did we handle a loss of this magnitude? This was not the first time I lost a loved one to a terminal disease. I lost my biological father in September of 1989 to aids, and I was 13 years old at the time. I remember that like if it was yesterday. The pain, shock, and unbelief of the loss of my father. The grief of my family, especially my mother. It pained me, but she was and still is a very strong woman. She is stronger than she realizes. What was the difference between the death of my father and the death of my step-father? There were a couple of differences, one, our family were not believers at the time. Second, even though the family and friends were trying to comfort us, my sister and I were too young to bring any type of comfort to our mother.
Now, my sister and I are adults, we are professionals who work with people for a living. My sister is a guidance counselor and I am a Minister of the Gospel. We are now able to give our mother strength and encouragement. Before, when my father passed away in 1989, she had to handle everything regarding funeral arrangements and things of that nature, but now for my step-father, my sister and I handled all of that for her. It doesn’t take away the pain and loss, but it is less stress for her to deal with.
This was hard for our family to deal with, just as it is for everyone in society who deals with the loss of a loved one. It was hard because it brought back the pain and memory of when we lost our father so many years before. At the same time this was different because we knew our step-father much longer than our biological father. My father died in the hospital and we as a family did not witness it, but we witnessed the passing of our step-father in the dining room of my mother’s house, which had become a hospice room for him. My step-father died sooner than we had expected him to, because the Doctors had given him at least six months to live. We got him home from the hospital on a Thursday and by the next Tuesday morning he had passed away, just after being home for five days.
I want to share about his passing, because even though we were and are grieving, we found peace and strength in his passing. My step-father was a believer and he was not a very expressive person. The morning of his passing we had praise and worship music on for him, and we also had videos of preachers. My mother and I were praying for him and he kept saying; “I want to go home”, and my mother told him, “you are home”, and he said, “I want to go with Jesus.” The Lord was able to give my mother the strength to tell him, “if you want to go home with Jesus you can, I will be alright.” Then nature took its course and he went with the Lord. He passed with a big smile on his face. I have preached in many viewings, and I have been there at the end of people dying who were believers and those who were not. He had one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen. I was shocked, sad, and relieved at the same time. Because I knew that he was saved and he went to be with the Lord, and I don’t mean this made up heaven, that we say just to comfort ourselves, but he went to be with the Lord.
Even though I am going through the grieving process with my family, I find strength and comfort in the scriptures. The Apostle Paul stated in Philippians 1:21; For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain (New International Version). For believers’ death is not the end. God does not want us to be scared and terrified of death. Even though it is very natural and normal to be afraid of death. Paul also says in 2nd Timothy 1:7, for God has not given us a spirit of fear… (New International Version). Death is a natural part of life, and as believers we should be ready to accept it. This is not an easy thing to do, but it is possible through the Lord. The Bible teaches of the future resurrection of the saints. The core belief of us believers is the resurrection of Jesus, and one day we who die in Christ will be resurrected with a new glorified body as well.
I am not saying that this is an easy process, but this is a real process, and when God is in the picture, and we apply his teachings to our life, he gives us a peace that the world does not understand. When we trust in Him, in the good times as well as in the bad times, we will see His comforting hand strengthening us. The Lord knows what you are going through at this moment, and he wants to give you strength, no matter what you and your family may be facing.
How do Christians handle death? Everyone handles it differently, but the Lord has left us His Holy Spirit to comfort us, and his Holy Word to guide us through the difficulties that life will bring. I find comfort in what Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the Life: he that believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” The pain day by day will get easier, but you will never forget them. You are stronger than you believe. Keep walking, keep living, and don’t give up! This is how this Christian just recently, handled loss.
Works Cited
Neimeyer, Robert A. Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice. Routledge, 2011. The Series in Death, Dying, and Bereavement. EBSCOhost, lbc.idm.oclc.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=nlebk&AN=366373&site=eds-live&scope=site.
The New International Version. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2011. Print.
