I Do or I Don’t? That is the Question!
If you have ever been married, attended somebody else’s wedding, or watched a wedding show on television, you know that it is a day that girls are supposed to dream of their whole lives. Your very own wedding day is said to be one of the most “magical” (so to speak) and memorable days of your life. I am just 40 days away from my own wedding day, and look forward to all these wonderful memories and moments of the big day marrying my best friend. However the build up to this day has been a long process. We will be engaged a total of 8 months by the time our wedding comes around. I know it seems as though that is a very short amount of time, but trust me… in my position, it feels like an eternity! I am also a college senior carrying 18 credits (21 at one point in this semester). I work all the time, plan the wedding, interviewed like crazy for a full time job after college, and apartment shopped all while trying to have a social life and attend premarital meetings. For the premarital meetings we worked though a book together with our mentor couple over the course of the past few months. We were assigned chapters to read as well as “homework” assignments to complete before each meeting. This was an interesting experience to go through with my future spouse.
A lot of people miss this important step in preparation for their marriage. The main thing this focused on was biblical aspects of marriage relationships, and the everyday obstacles of married life. So lets jump back to the foundation of this conversation. What is the Biblical definition of marriage anyways?
I would argue that the Biblical definition starts at the creation of it all. It is between one man and one women. Woman was also created from man as a helpmate for him. It is interesting to note that after each part of God’s creations, He called them good! However, after he made man that was the only time His creation was not good…alone! Thus, God created man a helpmate that Adam called woman, this one in specific was named Eve. This is found specifically found in the book of Genesis. To take this further, the biblical purpose of marriage is for the rest of your lives. That is why in the traditional vows people covenant to each other “till death do us part”. This is committing to the rest of forever. Mark 10:9 tells us, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” This verse shows duel reasoning. One is the previously mentioned, duration of marriage is for longevity. The other purpose is that it is God ordained. God “arranges” marriages and allows them to happen. Now, we as humans still have free choice, and can choose if we listen to God’s call on our life or not, in every aspect not just marriage.
Ephesians 5:22-25 says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
These are just listed out more specific roles and functions for each spouse. A wife, out love and respect should want to honor their husband by supporting him and being his helpmate. This is not done out of fear or force, rather a natural result from the wife's love for her husband. The husband on the other hand is to love his wife unconditionally so that all of his actions and words result from that. It also gives the example that Christ is the head of the man. Therefore, the relationship as a whole should be submitted to God. After all, He ordained the whole thing! It only seems natural, right? Colossians 3:18–19 says these concepts in a more clarified way if you would like to follow up with this idea.
Hebrews 13:4 shows us that it is special and important to be faithful to each other. It reads, “ Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Lets break this down just a little bit further. Adultery defined by dictionary.com is “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.” Not to be crass, but I also think it is important to call it what it is. It is too easy for us to sugar coat things, or sin really, such as this. When we do that, we get a false reality of what adultery and other sins of this type are. We can down play them to not be as serious as they truly are. This then allows us to justify it in our lives. Marriage designed by God, did not allow room for other women or men within that special bound and relationship. If this does happen the bond is broken and the other spouse if defiled. As a matter of fact, this sin is the only case we see in the Bible as credible means for divorce. Matthew 19:9 says, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Furthermore, Matthew 5:32 tells us, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
These both clearly point to the seriousness that adultery is and the dramatic damage it can cause to a marriage covenant.
I would advise you, as we also received though our premarital counseling as well, if you have any doubts about the person you are to marry, take the time NOW to flesh those out. It is not like after you are married they are going to magically change the aspects you are not found of. As a matter of fact, there most likely will be more aspects that you will find bother you in some shape or form. Once you enter into marriage, you are in it for the long hull, for better or Worse!
Lets take a rabbit trail real quick. Culture defines marriage as a feeling and romance. It could be between any two things really, two women, two men, a human and an animal, even some humans and inanimate objects. Love is love, and who are we to stop it? This is the toxic mindset that our current culture holds onto. The problem is, (Bible aside) men and women simply are different. In our design, we are made differently and because of our human make up can preform different tasks better than the other. We think differently. We function differently. We are even atomically designed to literally “fit” together. Due to this, a lot of couples balance each other out.
As a matter of fact, I have always found it interesting in same-sex relationships, you always see one partner acting more masculine and one more feminine. I have never met or seen a same-sex couple not resemble an opposite-sex couple. They simply cannot complete each other. They are not designed to be together, so they do not have the necessary tools to help the other person to the best of their ability, like marriage is truly designed for.
So here the question is raised, to say yes to the spouse or take time to think about it. It takes a lot of courage to confront these topics and issues. However, it is a necessary evil that needs to happen for the betterment and health of both parties involved. So, the ball is in your court! Do you feel confident in your relationship? Do you see areas that need to be worked on before considering a life long marriage? Do both parties even recognize the same definition of marriage? A lot to chew on, but I challenge you to take the time you need before making this serious, life altering decision!
