Let’s Grab Coffee & Chat
When I say the words ‘small group’, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Let’s be honest. The majority of you probably thought of a group of people around the same age, meeting together at a cute coffee shop while discussing a book they’re all reading. Maybe you thought of people with similar interests and goals discussing what they wish to do with their lives. While all those may be true, there are so many more avenues to small groups than just chatting and drinking coffee.
If you are anything like me, sharing my thoughts and feelings with a group of strangers I hardly know gives me anxiety. Growing up I was always the girl who stood behind her parents in church not saying a single word to anyone. I have never been one to openly share my thoughts with others, but now as I am getting older I realize the importance of opening up to people. You come to the realization that you are not alone in your own little world. Many others may be struggling with the same challenges and making the same decisions you are without even knowing it.
One researcher in Christian Perspectives on Sociology states, “A group is a collection of individuals who influence one another, derive some satisfaction from maintaining membership in the group, interact for some purpose, assume some specialized roles, are dependent on one another, and communicate face-to-face.” People typically gravitate towards others who have similar interests. They feel more comfortable with each other. Sometimes it is actually best to branch out to other groups of people in order to learn from them and share different stories with each other and perhaps come to realize you have more similarities than expected.
Groups tend to happen quite suddenly and unexpectedly. People are drawn to those who share similar interests, as mentioned above. For example, people who live in Wisconsin typically have a shared interest: the Green Bay Packers. Without even realizing it you are automatically placed into a group and are acquainted with people you have never even met before all because you share one common interest. Another example may be a group of high school students who have enjoy the same taste of music. They interact with one another discussing the latest songs produced by their favorite bands. Whatever the scenario, we are all placed within a group no matter where we go. While not all groups are bad, I believe we also need to be cautious as to not stick with the same people all the time or else you won’t learn how to interact with people opposite of you.
One of the biggest primary groups as the book Christian Perspectives on Sociology mentioned is family. Everybody has grown up in some type of family form. Whether it be a positive or negative time. My sister would tell me, “Jess, friends come and go, but you will always have your family.” Apart from tragedy or heartache, families are those people whom you will always have in your life. Whether you get along with them or not, there is a part of you which will always love and be loved by a family. It is through growing up with your parents, siblings, relatives, etc. where you are most typically formed. Your values are learned from your parents, and you realize what you believe as you become older. Though they may change overtime, you have that initial implant in your heart and mind of what your parents taught you. You adapt characteristics and different personality traits from your family members. Each member of your family is different, yet holds to the same bond. Though my siblings and I are hundreds a miles apart from each other, we still share a close connection. We are essentially a group because of our commonality.
A big topic which has seemed to spark quite rapidly, especially in the church environment, is the idea of small groups. Churches used to be all about just going to Sunday school, Worship service, Sunday night service, and the occasional Wednesday night service. While those are still occurring, people have caught on to the concept of small groups. Rick Diefenderfer writes on small groups and states, “One of the big difficulties in small group ministry is getting so wrapped up in the “program” (even if we aren’t a “program-based” church) of the small group ministry that we forget why we are doing small groups in the first place” (The Purpose of Small Groups). It can be very easy to become accustomed to ‘doing’ church. People can walk into a small group, say a few words, talk to a few people, and leave feeling like they have done their part in serving their church and community. Small groups are not meant to be just another program in the church, but rather for community to build within the people and a chance for those to open up and learn what it looks like to be vulnerable. I am not saying it will be easy, but learning how to open up about one’s personal life with another whom you trust will be of great benefit to both people.
I feel as though people may get the wrong idea of small groups. While yes, it is a chance to go deep with people on an either personal or spiritual level, it is also a chance to fellowship with others and in a sense ‘hang out’ for a few hours. Small groups do not have to be this big serious discussion all the time. Over time you learn to trust one another. You learn how to do life with each other. Speaking from past and present experience, I have learned the importance of small groups. I took a gap year program, and it was during those nine months where God opened my eyes to what true community looks like. True Christian community involves messy people with messy stories striving together for one purpose: to glorify God. Having to learn how to be open with others about my own personal walk was one of the most challenging things to do. We as human beings do a fairly good job at wearing masks and pretending like we have everything together. 99.9% of the time, we don’t. Life happens and trials arise which we may or may not know how to handle. Unexpected people walk into our lives where all we have left to do is turn to God for help and guidance. It is in those moments of seeking Him out that He gives us the perseverance and endurance to fight through. We don’t always seem to have the energy or mental capacity to talk and engage in conversations, but then we realize how having listening ears may be all someone really needs in that moment. While some may feel as though small groups have it all together, majority of the time they do not.
In essence, I believe small groups are highly valuable to a person’s spiritual and personal walk. We are able to ‘weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice’ as Paul says in Romans 12. Learning to carry one another’s burdens is not an easy task to fulfill. For some, opening up their ears to listen to others comes naturally, while for others, learning to open up about what’s going on inside is extremely difficult. In either scenario, when you are doing life with people around you whom you trust and care about, sharing becomes second nature. You learn to be open and know that you will not be judged. You are able to be encouraged as well as stretched. Once you open your eyes to the beauty of true Christian community, it is amazing as to what God can do. He will continue to work miracles in people’s lives and mold them into who He has created them to be. While small groups take time to be comfortable with one another, they will be one of the biggest blessings in a person’s life.
Grunlan, Stephen A, and Milton Reimer. Christian Perspectives on Sociology. Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2001.
http://www.smallgroups.com/articles/2000/purpose-of-small-groups.html?paging=off
