Marriage is no longer what it originally was. The many different reasons for why two people decide to marry each other are endless. The rate of divorce continues to increase. Why? The most common reason for a married couple to get divorced is because of a lack of commitment by one or both of the spouses. Other reasons for divorce are too much arguing or conflict, unrealistic expectations, and lack of equality. None of these reasons are valid for a divorce. These are all issues and problems that can be worked through. When a divorce happens in a family, that can weaken the relationships between the parents and their children, and these children are at a greater risk for a wide range of problems that extend through their childhood into their adult years. I do think divorce is very necessary if adultery has been committed, or abuse is present. To ensure safety and protection, the spouse and their children need to divorce and leave the abuser. There are also many divorced couples that have found effective ways to co-parent, and most children are able to bounce back from the negative experiences they had. However, the large margin of divorces and children born to unwed parents, has lasting effects.
The government has introduced relationship education programs that can strengthen relationships, save marriages from divorce, and prevent divorces for couples before they are married. Different organizations and programs, such as the Mathematica Policy Research organization and the Administration for Children and families, have conducted studies on thousands of couples using relationship education. These studies have shown that the couples who participated in the relationship education programs were significantly more committed to each other one year later, and married couples were more likely to still be together. These couples also had fewer destructive conflicts, and women reported less physical assault from their partners. The couples had generally warmer and more supportive relationships, and they worked more effectively as co-parents. Nearly 30 percent of married individuals said they had thought seriously about divorce in the past but were not thinking about it now, and nearly 90 percent of them said they were glad they were still together. About one in four married individuals aged twenty-five to fifty have had thoughts about divorce in the last six months, but most of them still report that they are hopeful about their marriage.
I think relationship education classes and programs are a great thing that the government has created to help and save couples from divorce. I do, however, think it is sad that something like this is even needed. Many people today choose to marry each other for the wrong reasons. The sanctity of marriage is no longer what is should be. Marriage is different in many cultures and societies. There’s even cohabitation, which is when a couple lives together but they aren’t married. There’s common-law marriage, which involves a stable union without ritual or legality. Legal marriage adds the dimensions of contract and community recognition through some social ritual, like a wedding.
Some cultures have a higher divorce rate than in the United States. In others, divorce is very rare. Some make divorce difficult to obtain, while others are more permissive. Some people see marriage as primarily a search for personal happiness and fulfillment rather than as an assumption of responsibilities that are both temporal and eternal. When having this view, a person who is unhappy, uncomfortable, or unfulfilled may feel they can try to find a more compatible and congenial companion. While God did not create marriage to make people miserable, nor did he intend the family to be a wretched institution, on the other hand, it is clear from the response Jesus gave to the Pharisees that divorce was not in God’s original purpose and that the trivial reasons men used in his day to justify it violated God’s command (Matt. 19:3–4, Mark 10:1–12, Luke 16:18, Deut. 24:1–4).
Marriage starts with God, not man. Its primary purpose was companionship and spiritual communion, not sexual opportunity or producing babies or legitimizing them. Yet sex and reproduction are explicitly stated to be in the plan and purpose of God from the beginning. A careful study of Genesis 1–3 outlines the major purposes of marriage and the family for both male and female: to convey the image of God (1:26–27); to control the earth and its creatures (1:26, 28); to commune with God and each other (2:20–24; 3:8–9); to cohabit and consummate in sexual union (2:24–25); to fill the earth by being fruitful and multiplying (1:28). The major purposes of marriage are much higher and broader than to justify sexual union or legitimize parentage. God didn’t wait to perform the first wedding until after Eve became pregnant. Rather, he first instituted a stable and permanent relationship of companionship, homemaking, and partnership in worship and service into which children would come only after the parents had come to a deep knowledge of each other (Gen. 4:1). Those who advocate union without spiritual communion, sexual recreation without permanent responsibility, or affection without legal affiliation are not on biblical grounds. Nor is it scriptural to say that the only reason for marriage or sexual union is for procreation.
It is almost universally recognized that marriage gives a legitimate status to babies at birth and fixes the responsibility for their care. Every child deserves the “birthright” of having a name, both a father and mother, and being nurtured in a caring and secure home. But not all are so fortunate. The number of illegitimate births recorded in this country in 1938 was only 145,000 out of a total of 2,500,000 births. Twenty years later the figure had only risen to 200,000 out of 4,255,000 births. But in the next fifteen years, it had more than doubled to 407,000 out of a total of only 3,141,000 births. Coupled with the greater accessibility and utilization of contraceptives and abortion, this clearly indicates that premarital sexual activity is extensive and that permissiveness with or without affection is widespread. Illegitimate union will produce illegitimate babies. Even married couples, who are experienced with contraceptives and are trying to space children, have a rather high failure rate. Nearly half of all babies born are unplanned, though not necessarily unwanted. In 1975, some 800,000 babies were conceived by girls fifteen to nineteen years old. Of these, 200,000 were unmarried at the time of giving birth, 200,000 married after conception, and more than 200,000 received an abortion. In that age bracket it appears that nearly three-fourths of the pregnancies were not intended and many were not wanted. But once a baby is born, 87 percent of the unwed mothers now keep the child, who is raised with the help of the mother’s family and various assistance programs. Increasing numbers of youth (especially college students) are living together illegally, committing fornication, and taking very lightly the offense against both human and divine standards. As the youth culture becomes increasingly open and permissive in sexual attitudes and behavior, it places serious peer pressure on chastity and purity (1 Tim. 5:22, 1 Cor. 6:18, Gal. 5:19, Eph. 5:1–17). Most teens are now involved in premarital sex, and more than half of teen brides are pregnant when they marry, including many youths in our churches. Most evangelical churches have opposed abortion, sex education at school, and the availability of contraceptives to unmarried youth. It is apparent that Christian homes and the church must give greater attention to assisting our youth to form moral guidelines to bring their sex lives under the lordship of Christ.
Marriage is many things to many people, but the real union of marriage is biblical, between a man and a woman, for the purpose of being in union with Christ, conveying the image of God, communing with God and each other, and working together to benefit and expand the kingdom of God.
References: Boyd, Hal, and Alan J. Hawkins. “How (and Why) Government Should Invest in Marriage.” MercatorNet, 21 Sept. 2018, www.mercatornet.com/family_edge/view/how-and-why-government-should-invest-in-marriage/21743.
Grunlan, Stephen A., and Milton Reimer. Christian Perspectives on Sociology. Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2001.
