The Changing Role of Women in Marriage
I am young woman who at the moment is not married nor has children. However, I am engaged and will soon be married. As an engaged woman, I am getting ready for the day that I will say my vows to my soon-to-be husband. This day will be one of the happiest days of my life, but perhaps the hardest. I will no longer be a single woman, but a woman who will have a specific role in this marriage. Being born into a Mexican Christian home, I saw the role that woman should take in the household. My mother is always the last one to sit down when she serves us food, she is very submissive to my father, and she was a stay at home mom for many years. However, these roles in a marriage look different for all women depending on their culture, and the way in which they were brought up.
In sociology, family is considered to be a social institution because culture has instituted it and has come to be a basic need for the society. However, has the social institution of marriage always looked the same? Or has there been a change in the roles of men and women in the family? And have the social norms of a family structure changed over the last decade? [1]
In the past, our culture was very specific on the role that women would take in a marriage. Women were to be the homemakers. That is, they were to be the ones to stay at home with the children, raising them and doing house work. This can be seen as a Biblical aspect when we see that wives are to be submissive to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Women barely had the chance to go to work because that was the man’s job. It was looked down upon if the woman would be the one to run the family because that was not a social norm [2]. Men on the other hand would go to work, and provide for the family financially. It was very rare to hear that the man would do house work like cooking, laundry and cleaning. Today, when we see movies or T.V. shows that took place many years ago, it is common to see that men would just go watch television and rest when they got home from work. These were the common roles that were familiar to the American society that we know today. However, America is not the only culture that has had a similar view of the man being the head of the house. Although, it may look different in other cultures.
Our culture has slowly shifted the social norms of marriage and family to be totally different aspect of a social norm. Women today have tried to speak up on the view of inequality between men and women. There was a show that I watched a couple times called Mad Men. This is a modern T.V. show that illustrates the social norm of what family and marriage looked like in the 60’s. However, watching this show, I noticed that it shows a lot of the inequality that women had when it came to getting paid and speaking up in a company. However, the show has shown that women have come a long way, and that there is still work to be done in having equal rights.
In January of 2017, an event of the Women’s March first took place in Washington D.C. after the inauguration of President Trump. In January 2019, there was another women’s march. It has gotten bigger and bigger that is has become a worldwide event, but the United States is the country with the most power in regards to this event [3]. How does an event like this play into marriage and family? Well throughout the years, the shift of the social norms of marriage and family have been affected by these kind of views. The power epidemic of women has been aroused by our culture, that it has become a social norm in our society. Women are fighting to have better pay and better choices. This has actually started to become a hazard for many marriages in the recent years.
Research conducts that heterosexual couples, where the husband earns less than the woman, are most likely to end up in divorce [4]. That is, the woman is working more than the man because she earns more than her husband. That means that the role, in many marriages, of the woman is being shifted to what used to be the role of the man in the past. 1 Corinthians 11:3 indicates that the man is the head of the wife. Therefore, there is emphasis on the role of the man in marriage. However, People’s views are changing which means that social norms are changing.
Our culture has surely shifted many views that would be considered Biblical. With all the movements happening for equality and gender roles, scripture is being thrown back and forgotten. Many of our American values come from Scripture. This means that the roles of marriage in the past had reflected Christian marriage and family values. Marriage is a reflection of God’s image (Genesis 1:28). Husbands represent Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25). Therefore, wives are to be submissive and love their husbands.
Since I grew up in a Christian home, my parents have always been able to show a Biblical reflection of what Christ wants a marriage to look like. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I will be getting married in the near future. It is time to start thinking about all my beliefs about marriage and family. Living in this country, I understand how the roles of marriage have been shifting in the past years. Will I be mostly influenced by the cultural norms in America? Maybe. Or will I disregard all the social norms and focus on the Biblical aspect of my role as the woman? Maybe. Or can I integrate both, the social norms with scripture?
Looking at the equality aspect of our culture, I think that there needs to be a boundary. It can get out of hand, but it can also become valuable as a Christian in this modern time. In fact, God says that we are all equal, but with different roles (Genesis 1:27; Galatians 3:28; 1 Corinthians 11:3). I am getting a degree in Social Work, and I would love to work even in my marriage. I will be able to work, and probably make the same or similar to many men in this career. The reason being is that equality pay is being taken more seriously. However, as a Christian, what would be the proper way to be a working wife? Well this is where cultural relativism comes in. There are many Christian and non-Christian women who will stop working when they have children because they believe that that is their role as wives. However, there are other Christian or non-Christian women who do not believe that they need to be stay at home moms [5]. While I would also like to be a stay at home mom when I have children, I do not have the right to think that women who are not stay at home mom are horrible. Their beliefs and values are different than mine. Christians who believe otherwise, and have a negative view, need to have understanding that our culture is changing. Instead of judging, rather, help families understand what the Bible teaches about marriage and assist these families [1].
God’s view on marriage is beautiful, and Christians need to uphold that value while integrating themselves to the social norms of today. Scripture says to be careful and not be part of worldly things (Romans 12:2). This can mean values and social norms. As a women are fighting for equality, and as the view on roles in marriage are changing, let us not forget that we are all sinners looking for the big T or truth. These truths depend on one’s culture, beliefs and upbringing. For Bible believing Christians, Scripture shows us the truth about marriage and family. While the culture changes, Christians need to be careful that their beliefs are not going to be transformed with the negative changes, but with the positive.
I will never forget the story found in Genesis 2. God put the first man, Adam, into a deep sleep. While Adam was sleeping, God took the rib of Adam and made someone to accompany Him in life. Adam named her woman because she came out of man. Men and women are equal in the sight of the Lord, but let’s not get confused that we all have different roles in marriage. Women are different in many aspects like child-bearing, and men are different in that they have leadership role. However, they both complement each other and need each other in order to fulfill what God intended for marriage.
While the roles in marriage have changed, Scripture does not change. This means Scripture has the final say in what marriage should look like.
[1] Conrad, Donald D. “Marriage and the Family.” Christian Perspectives on Sociology, edited by Stephen A. Grunlan and Milton Reimer, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2001, pp. 167–187.
[2] Fensterheim, Stuart. “Gender Roles Throughout History.” The Couples Expert Scottsdale, 5 June 2018, www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/2017/03/gender-roles-throughout-history/.
[3] Keneally, Meghan. “Women’s March 2019: Everything You Need to Know.” ABC News, ABC News Network, 15 Jan. 2019, abcnews.go.com/US/womens-march-2019/story?id=59910140.
[4] Fottrell, Quentin. “This One Thing in Your Marriage Increases the Risk of Divorce by 33%.” MarketWatch, 27 May 2019, www.marketwatch.com/story/can-american-men-ever-be-happy-if-their-wives-earn-more-than-they-do-2019-04-29.
[5] Grunlan, Stephen A. “Biblical Authority and Cultural Relativity.” Christian Perspectives on Sociology, edited by Stephen A. Grunlan and Milton Reimer, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2001, pp. 47–65.
