The Gift…..
It’s delivery time. A mother is anxious to see her baby. The mother hears the babies first cry. The Doctor says, “It’s a girl”, Congratulations. The mother names her Maggie. As Maggie starts to grow, mom realizes she’s starting to look like her. Rosie cheeks, dad’s curly brown hair and a cut dimple on the side of her cheek,just like grandma, resembles of her DNA. Soon enough, yet too fast, Maggie’s curiosity starts to arise. She sees bright colors and wonder what they are, she follows them. She then hears a familiar voice, looks around to see where it is coming from, she finds it, it’s mommy. “Come to mama”, baby’s first steps, Maggie is being directed by her mother and father who she trusts. Putting faith on those who love her, she begins to walk. The beginning of a new stage in the Maggie’s live.
Mimicking
Interesting enough, Maggie starts to mimic her parents. Phone rings mom picks up, Maggie is there with her little fake phone talking to the imaginary person on the other line. Dad upholds the hammer, Maggie picks up a block and start to make noise, hitting it against the floor, imitating the noise that she hears as if she was doing the same thing dad was doing. Mom goes into the kitchen to start dinner, Maggie joins her, using her little fake kitchen, imitating what she sees. Not all children start imitating there parents right away, some take the time to observe and learn from what they see whether good or bad.
Imitation is an advanced behavior whereby an individual observes and replicates another’s behavior. Imitation is also a form of social learning that leads to the development of traditions, environment and ultimately our culture and behaviors. When a baby is born we begin to imitate what they do, the funny faces they make, when they frown, when they yawn. This sets up a reciprocal interaction that looks like imitation and that ultimately becomes imitation but is driven by the parents or the adult’s behavior rather than the baby copying what somebody does perfectly from birth. Children love their parent, they want to be just like them. They are in an unfamiliar world and are learning from what they see. Role modeling and imitation are important elements to learning processes of children. Every child has a role model which helps them to be able to acquire certain behavior.
Influential
Parent influence kids unintentionally through their own daily actions, such as conversing with other adults while their child is present. Children are very prone to imitate the actions of those around them, especially adults. Parents are in charge of their child’s experiences and social interactions, and the environment that the child is exposed to, which shapes their future behavior. Children look at what parents are doing even when it comes to making choices and safety. Although all parents influence their children through similar avenues, the ultimate affect on the child differs on parenting style.
Creating a future
My mom had me at an early age, 16. I was born in Puerto Rico. It didn’t work out between my mom and dad, so they would separate creating issues in my life,such as insecurities and low-self esteem. She eventually met my sisters dad and moved to Pennsylvania. My mom was looking for a better future for us and herself. My aunt and grandmother would watch over my siblings and I until my mom would land on her own two feet. With the help of a cousin, she got a job and was able to provide for us. She then eventually send for us and we were confronted with a new environment. Everything was so brand new, including the circumstances that we were about to confront. Exposure to difficult surroundings can trigger a learned behavior.
Exposure
As I was growing up, my mom’s choices influence my live.Things started to get rocky at home and the abuse began. My step dad was a controlling man. My mom lived a life of physical,mental and emotion abuse. I saw many things and even some scary things, things that a child should not be expose to. Kids can get influence by their surrounding and what surrounded my life was turmoil. I saw frightening things in which I started to think were normal, even though somewhere inside of me, I knew it wasn’t, but what did I know I was just a kid. I saw the way my mom would handle the situation, how she would defend herself trying to protect us.No kids should have to be expose to such environment. I remember a time when my dad called to wish me happy birthday. My mom had a small birthday party for me and some family members were there, my step dad got upset and … party over. He started to yell at my mom and soon enough the hitting began. This kind of behavior or abuse lasted for about 15 years, until my mom got the strength to leave. It gave birth to a feeling that I could not overcome. The feeling of unwanted, it spoke to me and gave me a reason to leave my home.
Repeating the cycle
Exposing kids to circumstances as such would bring issues. Children can begin to mimic that life style and behaviors. Unfortunately which is what happen in my case. Just like my mom, I had a child at the age of 15. The relationship didn’t work out so we separated. When my son was 3 years old, I had a daughter,whom I wanted to protect and make sure she didn’t go through the same path, but I was just a child raising a child. Everything seem to be going good in this relationship until the abuse began. I began to expose my children in the kind of behavior, I was expose to. Repeating the cycle. Even though my children were young, they knew just like I did, something was not right, could of been the tears running down my face? I tried to leave, but it was hard. I lived in the environment my mother was in, without an exit, so I though. Eventually, I got the strength to break free and never look back . It took eight years. It is unfortunate how the choices of an adults could hinder the mental growth of a child. But I wanted to break free, to break those chains, the cycle. As I was able to understand better, I made a decision, not mimic my mothers choices. We all make mistakes and children are not asked to come to this world, especially suffer. I knew that I did not want my daughter to experience what I had endure.We must learn from experiences and challenge them.
Biblical thought..
Everyone comes to a point in their lives where they need to make a decision. Life is full of decisions. That is the amazing thing about God, He gives us options, not orders, and has faith in us that we will make the right choices when the time comes. This doesn’t come naturally for anyone, we all need a little help, a little guidance, and a whole lot of grace. I had the opportunity to either continue to surround my children to that environment or teach them right from wrong. Isaiah 41:10 says, Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. This teaches us that we should not be afraid. He gives the strength necessary to confront any thorn paths. Putting God first gave me the courage to escape. Psalm 16:8 also tell me,to set the Lord always before anything, because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. We make our own choices God has giving us free will. We seem to forget that God has a plan for us and our lives are already prepare according to His will. Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps”. Even though I was a child, I knew that something was not right.
Love don’t hurt
Love overcomes all things but love don’t hurt.1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. I chose to walk with integrity so that my child won’t mimic my ways. Proverbs 20:7 the righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them. God gives us the responsibility to nurture this gift given to us, a child. He or she will mimic our every steps role modeling what we do. It is our responsibility to keep that child safe from harm. We must understand that choices we make can affect another individual, like an innocent child. The Psalmist David instructs Solomon in Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward”.
Resources
Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, 2011. Web.8 May 2011.
“Science Do Newborn Babies Imitate Adults? New Study Says ‘No’, Rekindling Long-Standing Debate News.” News — ABC News, Australian Broadcasting Corporation, 2018, www.abc.net.au/news/science/.
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Grand Rapids: Zondervan House, 1984. Web
Colon, Rachel. “How Domestic Violence Repeats Itself-and How to Break the Cycle.” Mount Sinai Adolescent Health Center, teenhealthcare.org/blog/how-domestic-violence-repeats-itself-and-how-to-break-the-cycle/.
