Though I Walk Through the Valley
Every time you turn on the TV, there are programs and commercials that promote health, happiness, success and reaching every dream. Society tells us we should be all that we can be and that there is happiness out there if we buy things, reach for the stars, work harder, love the right person, have good sex, buy a bigger house, and the list goes on. We are also taught to believe that if we are not happy there is something wrong with our lives, or we are doing something wrong. In response, many people think, and I have heard them express, that the goal of their lives is to be happy.
When the feeling of happiness is not achieved, they are frustrated, insecure, self-conscious, and they go on a search for a way to be happy. Some change jobs, some change partners or spouses, some are depressed, some spend money, and some are habitually moody and unhappy. People can feel dissatisfied and disenchanted with life. Unfortunately, with the high suicide rate, it seems like this is also an effect of the idea that happiness is the ideal.
The reason for this could be American society’s desire for social order and experiencing social change. With our increased industrialism, there is a huge focus on what we have or have not, and the keys to happiness. This slow and gradual type of change is defined by Ronald Burwell in Christian Perspectives on Society as Evolutionary change. Our American society stresses what we own, the job we have, the status and role we hold, and whether we are climbing the ladder of the corporate world. These are the things that are stressed around us every day and the idea is that if we have these things, we will be happy. These external messages are key in influencing the inward message we tell ourselves. These messages of happiness may be all around us, but in reality, it is not the truth.
The truth is that true happiness is a myth. There will be moments when we feel happiness, but there are always circumstances that can quickly change those feelings. Also, it cannot be based on what we do or the place in society we hold. We do not desire the difficult places in life we find ourselves walking, but they do happen. How we look at these times will make the difference of how we get through them. We can see them as things that happen to us that will cause us to be flattened, or things that we need to work our way through knowing that on the other end of the journey we will come out stronger. We will have learned something about ourselves and become more empathetic toward others.
Part of this learning is recognizing that It is in our valleys that we find the meaning of true joy. Without pain, we could not experience healing. Without loss, we would not know hope. Without sadness, we would not know joy. These ranges of feeling are essential to us as people. In the midst of our difficult circumstances, we cannot sidestep the process. The only way to healing is through the pain, grief, hardship, or loss. On our way through, we learn things about ourselves that we could only learn in these valleys. We can learn of a strength and resilience we never knew we had, or of our ability to be proactive while looking for solutions. We can also learn to lean on those around us and find new relationships in people who have experienced similar things.
Personally, I can attest to this when my father completed suicide. It was on a Thanksgiving morning and I had been worried because I could not get ahold of him on the phone. My brother and I drove to his home and found him. He had shot himself in the basement. This was the most traumatic thing I had ever experienced and the following year was extremely difficult. It started out that I felt like I was in a bubble and the world was passing by around me. I felt disconnected and alone. I asked myself so many times why it happened and I felt such guilt. I was blaming myself for not being there for him when it mattered the most. The level of grief and pain was excruciating and I wanted to push it away and hide. Instead, it was necessary to walk through the pain each day. It took a lot of recognizing the truth that no one was to blame and that there were answers I would never have. It took time and acceptance that there would be pain, but I also had hope that the day would come when it would not hurt nearly as much. At the same time, I also had children to care for, a husband that needed my support, a home to care for and a job to go to. I was able to find joy and contentment in the midst of grief by paying attention to daily blessings and being thankful. The ability to do this was the hope that I found in my faith in God.
I clung to the verse that I found in my devotions the evening before my father’s death. It was Psalm 46:10 which says, be still and know that I am God. This verse went through my head all day long as I dealt with the police, ambulance and coroner. It also returned in the following months in songs, sermon references, books I read and even out of the mouth of my daughter who was reminding me what I taught her. Another place I looked was Psalm 23. This well-known psalm speaks of the Shepherd, our Heavenly Father, who cares and provided for us. Verse 4 says, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. This valley speaks of death, and it applied directly for me, but it is so much bigger than that. It applies to any valley we feel we are walking through. He is with us.
This topic has been on my mind because I recently read a book by Anthony Ray Hinton called The Sun Does Shine. He published this book about his life as an innocent man placed on death row for 27 years. It was published in 2018 after his release in 2015. It tells the story of how he was working in a factory one night, and in his town, there was a theft and murder. Someone who had a grudge with him reported that it may have been him. This led to a witness falsely affirming that it was Anthony, and he was put on trial. The person who originally falsely accused him lied under oath on the stand. To make things more difficult, he also had a public defender. This led to not having enough money to hire proper professional witnesses to test the gun that was found in Anthony’s mom’s house. Through a series of false statements and failed testimonies, Anthony Ray Hinton was convicted to die.
During his time in jail, knowing he was innocent, Anthony had a choice. He could let society determine his worth, for racism had ultimately placed him there, or he could choose to determine his own. For the first few years he was angry and silent. Then, finally, someone believed him. He got a new lawyer that was sent by Brian Stevenson. Brian was a lawyer that as well-known among the death row inmates. He created a group of lawyers specifically focused on assisting death row cases. This recognition of his innocence and glimpse of hope was the spark that was needed for Anthony to choose to no longer accept society’s definition of his worth. He heard someone calling out to God, dug his dusty Bible out from under his bunk and found his own hope and worth in God. From that point on, Anthony poured into the people around him, prisoners and guards. He started a book club that helped others feel like more than a number again. He changed the whole atmosphere and the lives of everyone who came to death row. He did this even as he saw people put to death over and over again. He decided that if he would ever get out of prison, he would let people know his story and speak of the injustices he experienced. He would be a voice for the voiceless. He also wanted to let people know there is hope and that the sun does shine, even when it is behind the clouds.
We will walk through many valleys in life. What are our hopes and happiness based on? Where do we have our foundation? Where do we find our truth? Are we seeking happiness in our status, notoriety, affluence, climbing the corporate ladder, or things that could disappear in moments? Are we letting society tell us what we need to be happy? Are we finding our happiness and hope in things that are not measurable in this world, like having a faith in God? These are all important questions that are needed to be answered before we reach the valleys, otherwise we may not know how to walk through the difficult circumstances that life always brings to our door.
References
Grunlan, S. (Ed.). (2001). Christian Perspectives on Sociology: (Reprint edition). Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock Pub.
Hinton, Anthony Ray, et al. The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row. St. Martin’s Press, 2018.
