Would Arragned Marriages help the high divorce Rate in America?
In discussion with many different people from many different backgrounds the question occurred. “Would the rate of divorces go down if in fact there were arranged marriages instead of someone picking their own partners.” For me personally this was something that I had never thought about. So I decided it would be worth looking up if indeed the rates were different when the marriages were arranged rather than picked by ones own self.
After doing some research I found that arranged marriages have around a four percent divorce rate, which I found on everythingengagement.com. So I then took the next step and looked up what are the rates for marriages that are not arranged? I found that an astonishing 50% of marriages that are not arranged end up in divorce. Which was found on www.apa.org. To me this was something that was not even close number wise and then I began to question what could possibly make these numbers so different.
The book that also gave more insight on this is Christian Perspectives on Sociology; it speaks on how in most cultures that divorces are unheard of, or even frowned upon. The book then goes on to define the word “me-ism” which in short terms is simply marrying for ones own satisfaction and enjoyment. Not really thinking about the commitment they are making to the partner and eternally to God. This to me helped out a little bit on my thinking about this topic but then more questions came to my mind.
Some of the questions that came to my mind very quickly was why would these numbers be so drastically different? My first thought was well maybe the cultures of the arranged marriages are different which in some cases were the case but not in all. The next thought in my mind was well maybe the people who surround us know us better than we actually know ourselves. Is this possible that other people know the true us better than we know ourselves?
I thought that I could break this down further and see what is happening in the community around me. By saying this I am saying the people who I see everyday and thought what are some factors that would lead to a divorce in a marriage? Some of the top things that were said over and over again were that there was too much arguing or even the fact that they married to young. The second comment really struck me, is it possible that marrying young is bad? If so then what are the things that are not good about marrying young?
When thinking through this personally I would say maybe some of these problems from a worldly standpoint would be that they are not committed because they have not experienced the world enough. Or even maybe they think that they were young and naive and this caused them to love before they really knew what love is. I think as a Christian we should next go to the Bible and see what God has to say about marriage.
First I think it is important to say that in Genesis 2: 22–24 it talks about how women was literally and physically taken from a part of man, that part being the mans rib. God goes on later in Genesis it speaks on that God did not need women but man needed women for many different reasons. Some of those reasons would be companionship and also multiplying and filling the earth.
This point brought up the fact that the relationship between a man and women is very important. The fact that God makes women from man literally makes them one and when the two are married they are told to be one once again. The companionship is something that man and women both need because this is how they are made. Both needing there partner for physical and emotional reasons.
In proverbs 5: 18–19 it speaks on how the couple are supposed to be young and let it be satisfying for both of them. The verse ends with that the man and women should be intoxicated with each other’s love forever. I think this verse points out the fact that a relationship is two sided and also allows for both to be able to have their flesh satisfied by the other in a interlocking relationship. The biggest problem with this is that we cannot gain all of our desires from our partner there are things that only God can fill and we cannot rely on our partner to fill these voids.
The Bible then goes on to speak on divorce and what is just in the Bible for divorce is Sexual immorality in Mathew 5: 32 and the leaving of a unbeliever which is found in 1 Corinthians 4:6. In the Bible this is the only time that it is just or okay to get a divorce. Which does not reflect Americans standards for divorce clearly because the rate is around 50% currently.
Divorce itself is something that is very excepted in today’s day and age and is almost seen as something that will happen in the regular marriage. I think that if people truly wanted to grind things out then divorce would be not as excepted and more frowned upon. The easy way out is to let the worldview of it is okay to get a divorce take over and take the easy way out. There are many different outlets to help a marriage continue.
Saying this I do think that certain things allow for divorce to happen in our day and age such as things as abuse. When someone is physically or mentally being harmed then it is not safe to stay in the marriage or at least would be a lot better if distance was put between the two at that time. Even coming back and seeing if things can be worked out at a later date.
When talking to some of the people in community it was regularly said that divorce was just the easiest thing to do. They was more concerned about taking the easy way out then taking time and really trying to fix what was once a great thing.
So the question is would arranged marriages fix some of these problems? I do think that it could fix some of these things such as the young marriages maybe they are not thinking as clear and are going off more of emotions than logic. If someone else who knew both parties well then they could make a lot more logical decision on if this would be a good marriage in the long run.
When thinking about this I would say in most instances this would be true my parents know me better than I know myself they have memories of my whole life even during the time where mentally I could not remember things. They have seen all my mistakes and also have seen all of my accomplishments; they have seen every single thing I have done since I was born. So to step back and think about all this information about me makes me think that arranged marriages could indeed have some advantages.
If all are being honest when thinking about dating someone or getting into a relationship a lot of our decisions are made on emotions and what feels good. Not really thinking about the long run but more on what feels good now and if things are going good right now. Not thinking that is this someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Also thinking about is this someone I am willing to fight for until my last breath to stay together.
The top reasons found on indianpepper.com for why arranged marriages work better are that they are socially compatible; this meaning that both parties parents are very aware of both of these peoples interests and backgrounds. Allowing for both parties to be very satisfied with the partner that their parents or guardian chose. Another one of the top reasons is better bonding with family, which would be very good to think about because they are the ones who matched the two up.I do not know if these things would be better in the love category of marriage but just breaking down numbers it is clear that arranged marriages are a lot more likely to stay married.
In closing thoughts no matter if the marriage is arranged or not arranged the marriage in American and the rest of the world needs to be taken a lot more seriously. In the Bible it says that marriage is a bond of two people until death. Never saying that if things are “rough” then it is okay to divorce. This is something that connects two people spiritually and should not be taken so lightly. Through all of this the key is that it is possible to work through anything, it just has a lot to do with if people want to work through it and fight for their marriage.
Grunlan, Stephen A., and Milton Reimer. Christian perspectives on sociology. Grand Rapids: Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2001. Print.