My Perspective on Islam and Sexuality

It was very interesting to grow up in a predominantly Christian neighborhood. All of my closest friends are Christian, and the Muslim friends I do have, I am only friends with because of that fact. I live behind a church, so I remember waking up on Sunday mornings always wondering, “How do they do it? It is so early in the morning.” Being a Muslim in the United States, I never really understood the tradition of going to church. In Islam we have Mosques, and if I lived in a predominantly Muslim country maybe I could have some sort of perspective to it, but I don’t. I also have never been to any Mosques in the U.S.- I’ve only been to a few when I was visiting family in Turkey. There are many Muslim holidays and traditions that I don’t get to take part in because of the fact that I don’t live in a Muslim country. The Feast of the Sacrifice is a huge deal in Muslim countries. The entire community gets together to celebrate. I’ve been to Turkey during the Feast of the Sacrifice and I remember how beautiful it was watching everyone come together. I still get a warm feeling when I think about it. That feeling most definitely is not here. My family just usually makes a slightly better meal than usual, or we’ll go to my grandparents (on my father’s side) for dinner- nothing nearly as fun and definitely not a learning experience. My family is so wrapped up in our day to day lives, with my sister and me no longer living at home, sometimes we do not even get a chance to celebrate it- and it only happens once a year.

My family identifies as Muslim, but we don’t practice it as actively as we probably should. My mother’s side of the family is from and currently still lives in Istanbul, Turkey. My grandma wears a veil, she prays five times a day and fasts every single day of Ramadan no matter what. Her lifestyle reminded me of Avishai’s article. My grandma lives her life a certain way and not everyone can do that, like the Jewish women in Avishai’s article. But, everything my mom taught my sisters and me, she learned from my grandma. My father’s situation is a little different. As I implied earlier, his parents live here- so his side of the family is pretty accustomed to the American way. On the other hand, my mother only came here when she was nineteen, for the very first time to get married to my father. She always talks about how much of a culture shock it was for her. Living in a Muslim traditional country all her life, to the United States. She told me it was sad for her to see how little Muslim traditions are practiced here, and it definitely made her feel more homesick.

The point, to all of this is to show that because I wasn’t raised in an Islam-centered community, I don’t know nearly as much as I should- and I have a lot of questions. My questions though, aren’t as simple as, “Why do we celebrate Kandil?” or “Why don’t we eat pork?” I feel as if the questions I have aren’t asked nearly as much as they should be. I would like to know more about the topic of homosexuality and Islam. When people think about religion, sexuality isn’t the first thing that comes to mind, in fact- most of the time it absolutely doesn’t cross your mind. Sexuality is a huge taboo in relation to religion. I probably would’ve never even thought of exploring this topic, if it wasn’t for this class. People get extremely uncomfortable when you mix topics of religion and sexuality. The best example of an experience I have with this is with my grandmother on my mother’s side. If it ever came up, on TV or in conversation, I would get one of two responses from my grandma. Response One is her automatically changing the subject. The second, her making a grossed out face and changing the subject. This always struck me as weird but I never really pushed the topic, I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable. But I also remember thinking: “Why?”

I have a lovely aunt, she is twenty-six years old and is currently in grad school. She grew up in Istanbul and currently still lives there. Since she is younger and was raised in a predominantly Muslim country, I decided to approach her with these questions. She explained to me how, apparently, in Islam- it is not a sin to be gay. It is believed that everything about you, including who you’re attracted to, comes from Allah. So, Allah made you gay, and because Allah made you this way, being gay cannot be wrong. It is even said in the Quran that no one should judge or make comments on gay people, because nothing is wrong with them. The problem arises when it comes to acting on these feelings. My aunt told me that once you start acting on your feelings, then it became a sin. But this is also questionable because the same rule applies for straight people. In most religions, couples should not have sex (act on their desires), until after marriage. This reminded me of the Sara Moselener and Desde La Fe articles we read in class. Moselener’s article is about, “Modern day purity campaigns, like their nineteenth-century predecessors, are opportunities for Christian evangelicals to assume a primary role in securing a strong and superior nation-state” (Mosenlener). Meaning, they used these purity campaigns in their own benefits in mind to have a hold of religious people. Both of these articles place virginity on a much higher scale than it needs to be. In Christianity they urge you to stay “pure” by making it seem fun and beautiful. In Islam, they use scare tactics. This isn’t the version of Islam I practice, and isn’t what I, personally believe in.

I recently had a sit-down with a family friend. We talked about our versions of Islam. We had a lot of similar views, but she also taught me things I didn’t know, that made me appreciate the religion even more. Islam is a religion that promotes knowledge. It is a religion that urges you to always ask questions, and not believe things just for the sake of believing them. Allah gave us a mind and free will. We are rational and reasonable humans. If our faith isn’t established in our hearts, we must ask questions to establish it. Once you fully understand the religion, only then you can embrace it. This isn’t just for people who practice Islam, it is for people who practice all religions. There is a passage in the Quran that demonstrates this. In section 260 in the Bakara Suresi is a story about the prophet Ibrahim (Abraham in the bible). He asks Allah, “How do you give life after death?” This was a big deal because before this no one really asked questions like this. Allah replied to him, “Why? You don’t believe?” Ibrahim responded by saying, “Of course I believe, but there are still questions I have in my heart.” Allah understood and told him to buy four birds. He said to train them and to love them. Once he did this, he must kill them, cut them up and put a piece of each bird on the tops of four separate mountains. Once he does this, he must call out to the birds, and they will come to him. One of the messages in this story is that if you want knowledge, you must go after it and put effort in it. The other is that Ibrahim wanted to learn, so he asked Allah. His heart was satisfied with the answer and he learned something new all while following Allah’s command.

With this concept of having free will and reasoning also comes the concept of acceptance. We must love people for the sake of the creator. When the prophet Muhammed first established his place in Medina he wrote up the Constitution of Medina. It was written in attempt to create peace within the tribes of Medina. It is argued to be one of the first constitutions written and is a very important text in Islam. One of the points our prophet makes is that we are to not punish anyone for their faith even if they aren’t Muslim. This was a huge deal because of the tensions between religions. In Islam, it is unacceptable to judge others. You do not know what is going on in their hearts, and it is not your place. Islam is an inclusive religion, no matter what everyone is always welcome.

At one point of my sit down, I had mentioned that my best friend, Michael, recently came out to his parents. He had come out to his father a couple years ago, which was very difficult for him. He finally got the courage to say it, the first thing his father said to him was, “How do we fix this?” That is definitely not something you want to hear when you’re feeling most vulnerable. He recently decided to tell his mom. When he told his mom, initially she seemed okay with it. But as time passed by she would always be crying, and she stopped calling and picking up Michael’s phone calls. As his best friend, seeing him like that was so difficult for me. I could never even begin to imagine how that felt. This led to us talking about how Islam also preaches for parents to support their children no matter what. Because no matter what they do, and no matter how much it bothers or hurts you, all you have is love. Loving and supporting your children no matter what is the best thing you can do for them. Obviously we don’t need Islam to tell us that but it is there.

Originally, Islam was created as a religion of peace. And in theory, everything I have said up to now makes it seem like Islam is the perfect religion. But unfortunately we encounter problems because of people who interpret the Quran for their own agendas. Every religion has individuals like this. There are people who warp and twist the words of the Quran in their favors. These are the same people who refuse to acknowledge the fact that we are living in a society that is constantly changing. Modern-day Muslims, know that being gay isn’t a sin. They believe in freedom for everyone. In the McQueeney article, she recognizes that Christians’ biggest “argument” against same-sex relationships is that marriage is “supposed to” result in procreation. In Islam, there isn’t even arguments against same-sex marriage because it is not discussed. There is only one reference to homosexuality in the Quran and it is the story of the people of Lot. It is about a tribe of lustful men who are destroyed by the wrath of Allah because they were engaging in sexual relations with each other. But just like Christianity, not all passages can be taken literally and there is usually a deeper meaning to it that is ignored by people. Within Muslim people there is the common “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when it comes to homosexuality. Some Muslims believe that homosexuality is an act against Allah and it is a sin. Period. No more questions asked. But referring back to what I said earlier, we must always question things we do not understand. All Muslims should understand that we are all Allah’s children and he loves us no matter what, which is why we should love one another.

Think of Islam as a tree. In order for a tree to grow we must love, nurture and care for it. As time goes by, we think of different watering tactics, and we must trim the edges to ensure it continues to grow. This is how we should treat religion. But there are people who stand guard in front of this tree, refusing to let anyone near it besides people who are “worthy”. While standing guard, they don’t realize the tree is rotting from the inside. Islam is for everyone, Islam deserves to change and grow along with the world we live in.