To Be Accepted
The car door closes, here we go again
I always hate coming here now,
I’ve started to hate Sundays altogether
I don’t belong here I tell myself lonesome in the pew
It’s quiet so I’m quiet
I’m just ready to get this over with
Some people ask me what’s wrong
I’m quiet, my head is down
Like they don’t already know
There’s another dirty look
It’s the church mother this time
It can’t be hidden anymore
(Because I am a lesbian)
I knew I was when I didn’t see girls as just friends
It was more than just a crush
I knew when I kissed her, and the feeling felt, right
It hurt when I came out, my mom cried like a baby
What happened to her sweet baby girl?
As if I had disappeared from being her daughter because I liked girls
But she’ll come around… I hope
My dad is completely unaccepting, totally disapproving
He still won’t talk to me
I no longer exist in his eyes
Daddy’s little girl no more
17 and disowned but under the same roof, almost out the door
(Why won’t they just accept me?)
They’ve sent me to therapy
Nothing
The home remedies my mom looked up
Nothing
2 different doctors
Nothing
All they can say
I’m perfectly healthy
I’m perfectly normal
But a lesbian? They asked
They think I can be fixed
As though I’m brainwashed
Prayer and blessed oil a mother says
Kick her out another says
Like I won’t be 18 in 5 months
Keep her away from my daughter
Like I’m evil
But I like girls
I can’t help what I feel
But they feel I need help
By now everyone know
From the glares of different moms
And the quick moving feet it shows
Some girls don’t go to the same bathroom as me
Like this is my entire fault
How can you love God and be
A lesbian
They grow quiet when the word comes up
Like they’ll be condemned straight to hell for saying it
Lesbian
This is me I can’t change it
It hurts to be this alone
In a place that supposed to heal you and make you feel glee
(Why won’t they just accept me?)
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Artist Statement
In this spoken word piece the overview of how some Christians that are homosexual are treated. In this instance, this is a fictional piece that discusses the experiences and backlash of a lesbian teenager who is also a lesbian. In this piece we view the outward forces that are around the teen who try to change her because of the way she feels. The goal of this piece is to inform others about the silent cries for help as other members of the LGBTQ community get treated maliciously by people who are supposed to love them, in turn making the individual question does anyone really love them, and if they did then why are they trying to change who they are? This makes many question this idea of family and is a person really safe In this performance, there are 2 different religious views cross examined who have the same ideals that homosexuality is a sin, and is not allowed within the church community.
Throughout the semester we have read multiple readings that could have led to this conclusion and grabbed many of them but I would like to only focus on 4. In the first article, Richard Pitt’s, “Still looking for my Jonathan”; the idea of religion not accepting the homosexual lifestyle, and ferociously rejects this to the point of exclusion for all those who identify as gay. In this article many attempts to change the way someone thinks about another individual by, “praying for deliverance to much more drastic measures life attempting reparative therapy”. (Pitt, 44). This doesn’t help the people but in the end it just causes damages, because you can’t try to change someone based off of how they feel romantically about the same sex. For those affected, or who could be affected by the backlash other options were presented, in order to save face just at their religious center. Many people are hiding who they actually are just for church. “A complete compartmentalization of the religious and sexual identities would require men to deny their homosexuality in religious contexts, but it would require them to deny their religious inclinations in homosexual contexts.” (Pitt, 48). In the piece presented there are multiple ways that the church people are trying to change how this woman feels toward her sexual preferences. After she has come out to her family, her parents don’t speak with her and they are upset. Once they get over being upset with her because this is not accepted within their religion they try to change her; by the home remedies suggested and even taking her to the doctor but she is perfectly healthy but they can’t accept that she is a lesbian. In the beginning of the piece, the narrator is uncomfortable with the clothing that is provided to her to wear to church. She has hatred toward the church because they look at her funny and because she has to dress a certain way in order to please her parents and the people of the church who have already isolated her.
In the next article, “ We are God’s Children, Y’all” by Krista McQueeny, she explores the idea of being homosexual and other denominations not being accepting of the lifestyle some have chosen. “They were committed to creating in “inclusive” Christian community and to welcoming those who experienced conflict between their sexuality and their faith.” (McQueeny, 154) Many people think that homosexuality is wrong because this is what they have been brought up by it. Because it’s not accepted it is often seen that people who are homosexuals aren’t good people. McQueeny finds that many of the lesbian communities at the church are most accepting of others and at one point and time they started to make it normal for a person to be homosexual and to be of a religious identity. For the narrator the homosexual identity is rejected to others there is no such as thing as being accepted and since many of the people don’t accept it they will try to reject it and changed it into something that looks good but it causes internal damage either way to the person its happening to. After the church finds out that the narrator is a lesbian she is shunned, and immediately isolated. Many of the church mothers don’t want to be around her and mothers keep their daughter away from her as though she has an airborne disease. Since the narrator isn’t allowed to express herself freely she is forced to hide a part of who she is to others to save the face of parents although people already know and are treating her differently because of it. Doing this to the narrator and other homosexuals makes them feel alone because of the dehumanization that goes on because of who a person decides they want to be involved with.
In Elizabeth Edmans’ book dealing with Christianity and homosexuality, she explores that Christianity is often used as a weapon and keeps many other people oppressed with how they use it. In the poem the narrator implies they are using the religion as a weapon because they are trying to find cures for her being a lesbian, this being the ultimate sickness. The norms that are created within the Christian religion has put many generations of homosexuals down because of how they go about executing their morals and views on such a taboo subject. Once someone steps outside of the norm, the deviant behavior is now a consequence they must have to pay for even if they have done no wrong before then. When the narrator is isolated for being a lesbian, this is because of her sexual identity and not regarding anything to do with her character. Dealing with the women at church they don’t want to be around her not because she is cruel to them but because she prefers to be romantically involved with women. Edman examines how this is detrimental to outsiders and with the way that some of the people of religious backgrounds treat others.
In the last article being examined against this poem Teresa Delgado she deals inherently with the issues of rejection and acceptances. The church is used to its normative state of everyone being heterosexual and they didn’t entertain the idea of someone being homosexual therefore it was unaccepted. She challenges the idea that many to look past from what they often see because homosexuality would be ruining the idea of a heterosexual man and women being together to procreate. The moral rule of the church is that all women are supposed to be married heterosexually to a man and they will procreate. She challenges the idea that maybe if people were to come out that they might see that others are not as “perfect” looking as they seem. “I would begin by elevating its meaning as a vocation; to shout from the mountaintop the joy of loving another and wanting that love to sustain for a lifetime” (Delgado, 99). In an essence to see that love is more than just two people coming together for procreation, it would also call out those who are going against the grain and being homosexual. Many people are unknowing of these things simply because they are not taught these things, because it’s not mentioned. Perhaps if its mention, the idea of the sexuality would be focused on others as opposed to what can it can do for me? (Reproductive aspect.). In the poem not on person is accepting of the narrator and she is forced to be isolatd because of what she is taught. No one is willing to accept and even the mention of the word lesbian is a taboo to some people and they spit it out or are afraid to say because of how it is viewed.
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Works Cited
Delgado, Teresa. “Chapter 7.” Queer Christianities: Lived Religion In Transgressive Forms . N.p.: NYU Press, 2015. 91–102. Print.
Edman, Elizabeth M. Queer Virtue: what lgbtq people know about life and love and how it can revitalize Christianity. Beacon, 2016.
McQueeny, Krista 2009, “‘We are God’s Children, Y’All:’ Race, Gender, and Sexuality in Lesbian- and Gay-Affirming Congregations,” Social Problems 56 (1): 151–173.
Pitt, Richard N. , 2010, “‘Still Looking for My Jonathan’: Gay Black Men’s Management of Religious and Sexual Identity Conflicts,” Journal of Homosexuality 57:39–53
