Purity Culture

Purity Culture

Purity culture — it’s something every person has to deal with in one way or another. Whether that be from Christian teaching on purity until marriage, dress codes, sex-ed, slut shaming, etc. It impacts all of our lives still, even as society progresses. There is a movement toward trying to remove and get away from purity culture, but it hangs around like the smell of trash that desperately needs to be taken out. Purity culture is still something we all see, and that, sadly, we are all taught. It permeates our schools, home life, churches, and culture. How does it still impact us all in our everyday lives?

To start, what is purity culture? “Purity culture” is a term often used in the Christian sphere to promote a biblical view of purity. This view of purity is found in 1st Thessalonians 4:3–8. This passage states: 3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit. (NIV) This passage is often used to promote abstaining from one’s sexual desires before marriage, and often manifests itself into purity pledges, purity rings, and the idea that true love waits.

How do different scholars address the issue of purity culture? Sara Moslener, a scholar, author, and educator for Central Michigan University has a unique perspective on the issue. In her book, Virgin Nation: Sexual Purity and American Adolescence, she discusses a lot of the intersections of religious culture and purity culture. How has the presence of fear influenced the purity movement?

During the Cold War era, everything across the country was shaped by the fear of nuclear warfare. Sexual deviance was scapegoated during this time and seen as a national crisis. This fear translated over into religious practice as well. In response to the cultural chaos of the Cold War Era, the Church ended up blaming popular culture for not enforcing strict moral values and codes, especially in regards to sexuality.

This belief that the sexual acts of adolescents is a threat to national security has led to a lot of fear within the Church. The Church sees youth as victims of the nation’s failures to heed biblical warnings in regards to sexuality. Their goal is to protect adolescents from this decline in morality and press onto them what is Godly and holy, that being this idea of purity.

The notion of purity is one that is supposed to be mentally, emotionally and spiritually fulfilling for those who practice it. Anything that goes against this, such as sexual temptation, is seen to be the work of Satan. The goal is to protect adolescents from their own desires and lead them to something that is meant to be greater. While the secular world began to see abortion, divorce and pre-marital sex as a normal thing, the Church sought to go a different way, uplifting their ideas of what is right for sex and sexuality.

A lot of the issues with this book come into play when Moselener discusses gender essentialism. From this idea, men and women are defined by their biological instincts, and that it is unnatural to go beyond them. It further engrains the idea that males are naturally sexually aggressive, while females are naturally sexually submissive. This idea only perpetuates the issues of sexual shame, trafficking and rape. Because of this, women’s virginity is seen as a prized thing, a holy thing, and something to be sought after. It is a sign of superior morality and self-control. This is problematic because it overemphasizes the sexuality of girls. It notes female sexuality as sin, while male sexuality is natural. It also forces those who fail to uphold these standards to feel like they are less than, that they should feel guilty and ashamed of their perfectly natural actions.

Even though this all started within the Cold War Era, these notions of purity are still so present in the Church today. Purity is still seen as something valuable. It is still so pressed in the Church, especially on adolescent women. The shame of sexual deviance still prevails to this day, as well. All of these ideas that Moslener presents are still present in the Church to this day.

Similarly, Desde La Fe also responds to this ‘crisis’ of values, but in a very different way than Moslener. Since purity and chastity have gone out of style in recent years, La Fe gives 10 ‘good’ reasons to save sex for marriage. Many of the reasons given have to do with protecting the couple, and their emotions. It has to deal a lot with bringing the couple closer together, and allowing those in the relationship to develop their lives and relationships outside of their romantic relationship.

This article could be seen to be highly problematic. Desde La Fe gives ten different reasons that all seem dandy at first glance. However, if someone who has already engaged in pre-marital sex stumbles across this article, they could end up with a ton of guilt after reading it. Desde La Fe makes some good claims, but then follows it with what could happen if one does not adhere to saving sex for marriage. For example, reason #5: “It encourages generosity instead of selfishness: couples who have sex may be selfish and focused on personal pleasure. In addition, sex can make couples feel as though they have to compete for their partner’s attention.” One who has already had sex could feel like they are being selfish in a relationship, even if caring for their partner sexuality is an act of selflessness. Reason #8 has a similar problem. It states: “The couple is more likely to succeed in marriage: couples who save sex till marriage are more likely to have successful marriages.” This could spark fear in someone’s heart that if they have sex, that their marriage will be less fruitful, rewarding and joyful when this is not the case for everyone.

The culture of fear is very present in this piece. Desde La Fe states a lot of good things that could happen if one waits for marriage to have sex, but she also states many things after that could spark fear in someone’s heart for having sex outside of marriage. If one is told that they will feel guilty, have a less fruitful marriage, have less emotional intimacy, or have a weaker friendship with their partner, that would scare anyone into waiting for marriage. This article would be much healthier for those reading it if the fear tactic was removed.

This fear tactic is something that is so present in the Church. The fear that one will not be good enough for marriage if they have pre-marital sex is a fear that sits in the hearts of many Christian adolescents still. The fear that they will be less than in the eyes of God if they have pre-marital sex holds a similar position. This fear tactic weighs on the hearts of many Christian youth still, and it honestly is not a healthy way to address the issue of waiting for marriage. Guilt and fear tactics may work, but they end up harming those who hear them.

Liz Lenz’s article: “‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ told me to stay pure until marriage. I still have a stain on my heart.” speaks volumes about the impacts of purity culture on modern women. Joshua Harris authored his book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” at the age of 21. He was young, hip, and everything many other evangelicals aspired to be. He was pure, motivated, and dedicated. His influence stuck into the hearts of millions of Christian households. However, almost 20 years later, even Harris himself is questioning the good of this book. Harris’ book had pushed many young Christians to even put off kissing their partners before marriage. This book became the catalyst for purity culture in evangelical homes, and it is damaging. As Lenz states: “…purity culture presumes that giving and receiving love breaks you instead of builds you. It uses fear to mask our bodies and needs, and there are generations of women and men walking around crippled in America because of it.”

Lenz goes on to talk about her ‘successes’ in purity culture. She was a heterosexual virgin until she married, and is still married to a man that she loves deeply, with two children of their own. This seems like a win for Harris. However, she goes on to state that the message she has received from purity culture has been one of fear, rather than freedom. This is where purity culture becomes extremely crippling and damaging to those that are exposed to it and to those that follow it.

Purity culture made Lenz feel more like an inheritance being passed down from father to husband, than human. She felt that her lust and sexual desires were unnatural and sinful if they were towards anybody before she was married, and anyone but her husband when she was married. It turned something completely nature into something shameful. Purity culture taught her that her body was the greatest gift, worth more than her mind, or talents, or love. Lenz is not nearly the only one in the Evangelical church feeling this way. Her feelings are just the tip of the iceberg that hides generations of women and men raised on the words of Harris, raised on the harmful, shameful, and degrading ways of purity culture.

Thanks to voices like that of Lenz, purity culture is beginning to crack and break down. Because of this, voices that were previously shut out, such as voices of gay pastors, or women of color. These communities are tapping into the issues of the purity culture model and things that need to be changed.

All the time, these people are told that they will find freedom in their purity. However, Lenz and many others have simply felt confined, restricted, and limited by purity culture. Fear has crept in to the hearts of many who have heard these messages, and this needs to change. Something in our churches needs to change so people can stop being crippled by the detrimental and destructive messages that come from purity culture.

Lastly, Teresa Delgado, in 2015, wrote an article titled “Beyond Procreativity: Homosexuals Queering Marriage”. There are many different ways that purity culture has reered it’s ugly head. In Harris’ book, purity is only talked about in the scope of white heterosexual people groups. It ignores anybody in the queer community, or anybody who is not white. It completely disregards a large chunk of the world, and the church. Since only heterosexuality is addressed in purity culture, this pushes many members of the church to further believe that homosexuality is unnatural, immoral, and ultimately impure. Purity culture goes far beyond the scope of white heterosexuals, and Delgado’s article is a perfect example of this.

All in all, purity culture comes in many shapes, sizes, and forms, but it is still something that impacts most everybody throughout their lives in different ways.