The ultimate way to save money on Christmas gifts is….
Not do Christmas at all… no presents, no tree, definitely no decorations and no cards with their extortionate postage stamps. A nice quiet day without the paraphernalia and the ‘what a to do’. By all means spend the day with family, friends and a beer but Christmas needs a reset, a de-clutter, a strip back. We need to un-christmas Christmas and go for the full naked Christmas.
Search UnChristmas and the world is dominated by a children’s book about saving christmas. Saving Christmas from disappearing? Saving it from becoming a massive advertising con financed by incredibly slick advertising which will ultimately push a few more barely managing souls over the edge into a state of ‘gift panic’.
At this point the pressure of Christmas will have been fully awakened in our consciousness as we enter our own specially constructed Bruegal hell, impossible to escape and miriad in all its forms of tortuous prodding and poking.
The sole purpose of the mental onslaught we must all suffer is to get us to part with hard earned cash. But not just that! no… We will receive in return a special kind of product only seen at Christmas. An object so lacking in redeeming features, it will have no real use for anyone on the planet except, maybe to look and laugh in the knowledge that we’ve been defeated by a monster. A behemoth who only wants us to look at his special Christmas deals.
How to combat the Christmas Monster
Step 1. Be aware of the fake gift you may be lured into purchasing for your loved ones, or oneself.
The Christmas suit appears to be entirely made from wrapping paper, including the necktie. Nobody looks happy in a Christmas suit, even Santa struggles and has to hide his face with a big bushy beard. At £59.95 a bargain, and just for a millisecond a wave of contemplation hits me and ‘click’ the deed is done. I will be wearing my red suit for the entire festive period, at all times, even to bed. Now for the Snowman underpants…
The Christmas Jumper a classic and so many people appear to have fallen into this trap, it makes me physically shudder just to think about it. Usually instigated by some disgruntled higher up employee within the office environment who just doesn’t want to cheer everyone up a little bit. No honestly, they don’t, they are lying, they just want to see you look slightly daft. It’s not clever and they’re not funny, charming or any other good word dreamt up to persuade you to take part. Avoid! Avoid! Avoid! it’s a big Christmas torpedo waiting to sink your naked Christmas ambitions.
It’s easy to see why we might be fooled into thinking this is an ideal Christmas gift for our nearest and dearest, because it might just shut them up about the Christmas sweater.
I mean, what’s not to like, unusual colour, covering a part of the face not normally associated with a woolley hat and looking slightly daft into the bargain. Ticks all the boxes.
Or emergency socks as I like to call them. Useful for only the wrong reasons, when all the clean socks are gone and there’s nothing left. The fact that you’re wearing them when it’s not Christmas only emphasizes the fact that you’re a slob and don’t know how to wash a pair of socks.
If you can’t even get your shoes on over your awesome Christmas socks, you know you’ve been done like a kipper in the receiving Christmas present lottery.
At this point you may be wearing the offending sock (just one,I imagine you’re a bit non-conformist even in Christmas socks) and you may be sobbing into your Christmas beer, specially brewed from reindeer droppings imported at great expense from Lapland.
If this is the case, I urge you undertake the
“Great Naked Christmas challenge”
more of which in the next installment of ‘The ultimate way to save money on Christmas gifts is…’