Living with a Chronic Illness
How to stay afloat
A chronic illness can take who you once were away, but you don’t have to let it. I’ve learned this lesson and several others over the years. There are definitely more than just the ones that I’ve listed, but if you take anything away from what you read about dealing with chronic illnesses, these are my top five take-aways.
1. Take it one day at a time
Chronic illnesses may begin the day you’re born or they may come out of nowhere when you are 50. According to Diane Dressler, Marquette professor in the College of Nursing, this is known as “congenital or acquired.” Congenital is a disease you’re born with like POTs, while acquired is one that can be brought on later by a multitude of factors. In short, they’re about as unpredictable as Wisconsin weather in April. It can be hard coming to accept it, because let’s be honest: it sucks.
It’s really hard because sometimes you want to feel sorry for yourself but you also know it could be worse. The only thing that helps sometimes though, is just to make it one day and then go to the next. My brother who struggles with EDS recently told me, “Some days are worse than others and that’s fine. I know not everyone can say this, but I know there are people out there that have it worse than me, so the best I can do is be strong for them.” Every day is going to be different but every day that you tell yourself you can do it, you will. It sounds cheesy but I swear just take one day after the next and you will make it.
2. Be honest with yourself and those around you
Be honest not only with yourself but with those around you. It can be difficult to do either. And while you may not believe it, I’ve found it to be very true. I think it’s one of the most important things when dealing with a chronic illness, which can encompass so much of your life. When you’re honest with yourself, you can move forward and you can accept what’s going on much easier.
When you’re honest with those who want to help, it not only makes it easier for them to help you but it let’s them know that, whether or not you want them to know exactly what’s going on, you want them there by your side. Because for them, it’s hard to tell what you want and they try their very best to do anything and everything in their power to help. Being honest is hard but it makes things easier after a while.
3. Find people who will support you no matter what
You might initially think that being alone is best. If you’re alone then you can’t hurt anyone; no one has to worry about you and you don’t have to worry about anyone else. But trust me, it doesn’t work like that. I’ve tried it. You need people around you. Having that love and support keeps you sane and it makes everything better. At some points you may not want anyone there and that’s okay but never push them away completely because when you’re ready they will be there waiting to hold you and help you through it.
If I could give any advice at all, this would be it, just to surround yourself with people who will love and support you and be there for you no matter what. Prof. Dressler told me something that has stuck in mind and that is “misery loves company.” When you think you’re alone there are often other people in similar cases as you. If you can’t bring yourself to tell a loved one, then find a support group. There are often many people out there with similar stories that can share your feelings and can even give you advice. So no matter what you’re going through, there are always people out there like you or people willing to listen and support you; never forget that.
4. You’re allowed to show weakness
When you have a chronic illness you already feel so weak that you don’t want anyone to know when anything is ever going on with you. Weakness every now and then, though, isn’t a bad thing I’ve learned. Sometimes you need to fall to get back up. Those things only make you stronger. Just because you had a weak moment in no way means that you are weak. Moments don’t determine who you are, but it’s how you react to the moments and continue to go forward after those moments that reveal who you are.
It’s hard to be strong 100 percent of the time; you get tired. I’m not saying give up, never do that, but I am saying take a moment to breathe and then pick yourself back up. Especially if you have a daily regimen to do, or something that constantly reminds you of what you have to deal with, that can be even harder. It’s okay to get tired of those things, it happens, but you have to always remember to keep doing what keeps you healthy and to just keep picking yourself back up in the end.
5. Don’t beat yourself up
This is one thing I personally struggled with. I’d go over things in my head over and over again and ask so many questions. Why? Why me? Why now? And I’d constantly blame me and then I’d blame my parents. It took me awhile to realize that for me, it’s no one’s fault, it just happened. And sometimes that’s an even harder realization to come to agreement with. The truth can be a hard thing. There are hundreds of millions of people in similar situations, you just happen to be one of those hundred million. But you can’t beat yourself up over it, because then you’ll miss out on life because of it.
Find ways to stay happy; don’t let it stop you from being you. In some cases, yes, there are things you can do that bring about certain chronic illnesses, certain health choices, but just because of those choices doesn’t mean you can’t make a change. You can always make a change for the better. So in either case, don’t constantly rag on yourself; instead, pick yourself up and find a way to get through it, because that’s a much better way to spend your time. I’ve wasted a lot of time finding people to blame, when I should have just accepted it and moved forward.
