Pain

A Poem(ish)

I wake up, stiff and groaning. No longer moaning at a sensual touch, but fighting pain.
I close my eyes tighter, thinking the more I pretend it isn’t there it might go away.

I’m not that lucky.

I try to take a deep breath.
My chest stops, halted by pain in my ribs.
It hurts to breathe in or out.
When we were younger, my sister and I thought this was our heart freezing.

Costochondritis, pleurisy, and pericarditis are much more sinister than that.

The naivety of our youth comes from a lack of explanation.
Our illnesses weren’t cared for and
Mother didn’t allow us early education.

I sigh, remembering how much pain this neglect has caused us, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I sit up, legs hanging over the edge of the bed,
Taking an inventory in my head of all the pain.
“I need to walk slowly today,” I think to myself.
My ankles and knees can’t handle much else.

I stumble to the bathroom, looking drunk but sadly sober.

I do my business.
My hands don’t want to cooperate,
And this is why I bought those damn flushable wipes…
Despite my inner dignity’s gripes.

Thank god for that moment of clarity.

I try to take my morning meds,
Hopeful that these will end at least some of the
Pain.

A pang in my stomach as
I hear a pitter-patter,
Something of a splatter on the window.

Rain.

Today there will be no end to my pain.

Humidity, rain, and barometric pressure
Add to the mix of internal dysfunction.
Instead of wandering outside to twirl around,
Enjoying water falling from sky to ground,
I’m left sitting here with this life I’ve found
Myself in.

With pain.