Painsomnia, Part Deux
In which I detail how a day following painsomnia goes — or doesn’t
If you haven’t seen part one of this story, please click here. It will define the term ‘painsomnia’ and give further background for this piece.
I did manage to sleep in my bed last night after all. That is, if you can call 4:30 am ‘last night’ instead of ‘this morning.’
I went downstairs, fully ready to turn on the television and try to numb my pain with brainless but entertaining shows. Just as I was getting ready to turn on the tele, I heard my husband call out from the bedroom. He was still asleep and it sounded like he hollered ‘Freeze tag!’ though neither of us is sure what it truly was. I went and laid down with him so that I could rub his back.
Just because I was going to get a shit night’s sleep doesn’t mean he should suffer the same fate.
He woke up momentarily and I told him about his hollering. He felt bad because he assumed he woke me up, but when I told him it was 4 am and I hadn’t slept at all, he turned over and snuggled me.
I finally slept from 4:30–9:30 this morning.
When I woke up, I tried to make up for lost time by getting the dishwasher started and taking out the trash & recycling. Since I woke up late, I needed time for my pain meds to kick in before I did much else so I played a game on our Playstation 4.
Two hours later, I laid down and napped for another nearly two hours. I felt refreshed when I woke up, but then started to do more things.
That was a bad idea, Kirsten.
The pain came back ten-fold. This, coupled with the news of a sweet elderly rhino at our local zoo passing away, resulted in me heading to the store and purchasing ice cream — only to eat half the half-gallon while sobbing uncontrollably.
Even though I’m tapering, being on prednisone certainly didn’t help me today.
I didn’t seek pain relief last night, thinking that sleep might come and that it would help. The fact that I have few options for my pain relief at my hands doesn’t help.
By the time my husband got home, I had to cancel anything and everything I was supposed to take part in. My body couldn’t handle it and, what’s more, my pain was so high I felt as though I was fading in and out of consciousness. This is an exaggeration, my mind tells me.
But I also know what I felt.
Since I left my job, I am supposed to be handling home things as I get Chronic Sex up and running. There was no way dinner was going to be on my radar today, so we hit up Culver’s for burgers.
Afterwards, I took real pain medications and then had the hubby rub my back.
The cocktail of Lyrica, Zohydro, Flexeril, and double my dose of Etodolac did little to really help. My pain went down maybe 1.5 points over the course of a few hours.
There are few things more invasive, more hurtful than pain. There is so much more I could say, but the pain takes the words out of my mouth. The medications have the same effect.
In the end, I hear echoes from a conversation I had with Duffy (yes, that cutie!) earlier this year about pain. She said that her illnesses make it feel as though there is a donkey kicking her in the neck with sharpened hockey skates. When she takes her pain meds, this pain doesn’t disappear — the meds merely add skate guards to the donkey’s skates, making them blunt.
It was all I could do to stop from laughing watching the Stanley Cup Finals game on tonight because of that. It’s an accurate description for sure though.
Right now, it’s nearing 11:30 pm where I live. I know that I will eventually sleep, if only because the cocktail of medications I’ve taken have made me slightly woozy.
Only time will tell if this pain will be gone by morning.
Kirsten is a writer and chronic illness activist living in Madison, Wisconsin. She is currently working towards her Master’s degree in Health Care Administration and Patient Advocacy.
This year, her big project is launching an organization called Chronic Sex, highlighting how chronic illnesses and disabilities affect Quality of Life issues such as self-love, relationships, and sex. If you’re interested in helping with this project, please reach out or find the project on Patreon.
