Member-only story
Chronic Mental Illness
Shpeechtzer Schizo
Talking to myself — for your entertainment
I have a voice in my head. Actually, several voices. No, I’m not schizophrenic. According to professionals, that alone is enough evidence that I’m not. People with schizophrenia don’t question whether the voices are real, they say. I’ve never been officially tested for it, though, so I still wonder.
My inner voices have different personalities, too. When I was younger, I thought I might have dissociative identity disorder (once called multiple personality disorder). And some therapists have mused that I might have had a minor case — the way I resolved the problem is similar to DID therapy solutions: all my mental parts work together, unifying under one banner of “self.”
Yet inside, I’m still slightly fractured. I don’t tend to switch from one to another the way people with DID do, but there are still distinctly separated elements I am aware of at any given moment. Making a decision, for example, involves checking in with what I call my ‘panel’ of various aspects of self. It’s a democracy, mostly settling for majority rule. This can make basic decisions difficult when the fragments scatter off in too many directions.
(Do I want vanilla or chocolate? Hmm… how about cherry or fudge, and I’d love some of…
