7 thoughts after 7 days: Bali, Indonesia

Month thirteen of Remote Year. (AKA Post-Remote Year Life)

Anyone could have told you that the days, weeks, even months following the end of Remote Year were going to be weird. We just didn’t know what kind of weird.

I’m currently in Bali, Indonesia for about a month. It’s my first solo trip in quite awhile — all year, actually. It feels good. It feels scary. It feels weird. It’s a lot of things. Where are my friends? What am I doing? Who am I?!

Here are some reflections from my first week in this little digital nomad / surfer heaven of an island.

1. But seriously — where are my friends?

I went from being constantly surrounded by 50+ people, to having a heck of a lot of time to just sit. And think. And wonder about what I should do next.

Working remotely while you’re traveling solo is pretty damn weird. There are no dinner plans. No one who wants to go get coffee. Nothing to distract you from your work.

2. Am I cool enough?

Ok, so, everyone in Canggu (little surfer town I’m staying in in Bali) has a fricken’ tattoo. I feel so uncool. And I’m not tan enough. Or blonde enough.

Let the identity crisis commence.

3. Making decisions by yourself is hard.

In the past week, I’ve learned that when I’m by myself, I’m wildly indecisive.

Give me another person to bounce ideas off of, I’ll probably have some sort of bias one way or another.

Why is this?!

Seriously though. Can someone please tell me? I’m sick of it!

I just want to know what I want. Where I want to be. What I want to do.

One day, I just slept for a few hours so that I could avoid making a decision. Then, later that day I made one. And I was calmer. Funny how that happens.

4. Sleeping and not really drinking.

My last month of Remote Year was a blur. A good blur. There were so many tears, lots of wine, and many late nights.

The past week has been a nice reset in terms of what’s good for my body. And yes, that also means lots of açai bowls and avocado toast. I’m sleeping and relaxing. I’m not pushing myself to do things because I only have a month in Bali because I can already tell that I’ll be back and I don’t really want to have that kind of month here.

I want to just be here.

5. People who kind of know you vs. people who don’t know you at all.

This past week I’ve been interacting with two types of people, as listed above.

How I express and explain myself to these two groups has been an interesting thing to compare. In the beginning of my first week, I felt totally different from both groups. I couldn’t connect strongly to either group — and I wasn’t upset about this, just noticed it.

To the people who didn’t know me at all, I was exhausted just trying to explain my life to them. The travel. The work. The “program.” I felt as if they’d never know me.

But then, when interacting with the people who kind of knew me, I just couldn’t really get myself to care enough. How long were we here, together? Not long enough. They’d never know me like Cousteau. They don’t need me to be their friend.

By the end of my first week, I felt more connected to the people who didn’t know me at all. We had formed a little family. Perhaps it’s because I ended up spending more time with this group. Perhaps it’s because I was thrown into a new situation where I could be myself without any preconceived notions. And I think that might be where I thrive.

6. Not lonely, just alone.

The other day, my dad asked me if I was lonely.

I genuinely thought on the question.

“Not really,” I said, “I just miss my people.”

And it’s true.

I’m not lonely.

I’m just alone most of the time. And that’s fine. And it’s not sad. I’m an introvert — I need to be alone. Shrugs. Let’s move on.

7. 👏 for one week of daily meditation and journaling.

One of my goals for this month is to reflect on what the heck the past year was. What I loved. What I didn’t love. What I learned.

I’ve been meditating and journaling daily and I think those two things are huge factors in my calmness going into my second week of being alone. I’m not as anxious about decisions to be made. I’m following my gut rather than second guessing it. I’m taking in each day differently.

Here’s to keeping it up.

Bonus!

One week on your own goes by so much slower than one week with 50+ people.

For a look inside my Remote Year experience, take a look at my 7 thoughts after 7 days series. There, I chronicle reflections after a week in all twelve cities throughout the year.