A little heart pain is a good thing
I wasn’t even that deep into my feed.
But my heart was already hurting.
Reflection is good. Reflection is necessary.
I have to remind myself of this daily.
But lately, it feels like I’m making a conscious effort to not dive too deep. I’m not writing or talking about my experiences over the last year like I want to.
I haven’t cried in a month or two.
Everytime I talk about Remote Year, I feel like I’m running through my prewritten script.
“It was amazing, I met some awesome people.”
“I really loved Croatia.”
“I’ve been back in The States for 3 months now.
There are a few people or specific environments where I feel myself fully succumbing to a natural reflection, telling the story of my year and almost bringing myself to tears. But those conversations are few and far between.
I look back at the photos that I captured in specific moments and I’m taken immediately back.
I look at myself in those photos — so happy and free — and I’m jealous of her. I want to go back to being her.
I have to remind myself that a little pain in the heart is good.
It helps me grow.
It reminds me that the last year of my life was not a dream. It was a year that that needs to be shared and cherished.
It’s a reminder to seek out people who are hard to say goodbye to, places that feel like home immediately, and experiences that soon become seared into my memory.
I have to remind myself that I’m lucky to have had that year before I even turned 25 years old.